Kids, or no kids.

Well, since my youngest grandson turned 19 this year, I no longer have children to bounce on my knees. My 5 grandchildren range in ages from 35 to 19 and none of them have given me great grands. It's fun to interact with cute little children for a few minutes, then be able to walk away. :)
 

Being a married couple without children can sometimes attract rude, even insulting comments. My wife spent her working life caring for others, she was a paramedic in the ambulance service. Someone, a colleague I think, was so rude saying that there was no point getting married if you didn't intend to start a family. He went on about it being so selfish, finishing his diatribe by asking my wife why she didn't have any kids.

Unfazed, my lady gave him both barrels in the most subtle way. Putting on a snobbish accent she said: "Darling, children grow up, get married and produce yet more children." "That's the general idea," he replied. "Thereby lies my problem," my lady said, adding, "darling, one has standards, I couldn't possibly sleep with a grandfather." She told me that the roar of laughter had her detractor in a sullen pique!
 

I have seen children running around and screaming in restaurants and stores with the parents ignoring them. I find this annoying and wish the parents would give the children some discipline . I thinks some young children are cute but do not like them acting like little monsters.
 
RadishRose said:
Maybe that's why your son has distanced himself. Do you think he picked up on your lack of interest? It's true, not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
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I never had a "lack of interest" in my son's life. Just the opposite but he chose to distance himself from me when I moved to CA when he was 22 years old. He had a well paying job, a new car (Camaro), a house we both had shared before I left and the rent was only $100/month, and friends. He claimed I abandoned him. That was in 1997. I tried many, many times to stay in touch with him and we even gave him a plane ticket and brought him to CA to visit us. He's held that against me ever since. He made some bad choices after I left and he blames me for those decisions he made. I wasn't a bad parent. You have no right to be judgmental.
 
Colleen said:
I never had a "lack of interest" in my son's life. Just the opposite but he chose to distance himself from me when I moved to CA when he was 22 years old. He had a well paying job, a new car (Camaro), a house we both had shared before I left and the rent was only $100/month, and friends. He claimed I abandoned him. That was in 1997. I tried many, many times to stay in touch with him and we even gave him a plane ticket and brought him to CA to visit us. He's held that against me ever since. He made some bad choices after I left and he blames me for those decisions he made. I wasn't a bad parent. You have no right to be judgmental.
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I never said you were a bad parent, Colleen. After reading your post (copied below) it seemed obvious you weren't really interested.

Kids, or no kids.
#3
"I'm definitely "no kids". I was an only child so I wasn't exposed to babies or siblings and I never understood the attachment or attraction of having babies. I had one child and that was enough for me. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a mother....or grandmother. I honestly don't know what to do with a baby or how to deal with kids. My late husband was the oldest of 5 so he always liked kids and knew how to talk/play with them. I didn't. I never even had dolls when I was growing up. They had no appeal to me. Not all women have that maternal gene."

My comment wasn't meant to hurt you.
 
RadishRose said:
I never said you were a bad parent, Colleen. After reading your post (copied below) it seemed obvious you weren't really interested.

Kids, or no kids.
#3
"I'm definitely "no kids". I was an only child so I wasn't exposed to babies or siblings and I never understood the attachment or attraction of having babies. I had one child and that was enough for me. I knew I wasn't cut out to be a mother....or grandmother. I honestly don't know what to do with a baby or how to deal with kids. My late husband was the oldest of 5 so he always liked kids and knew how to talk/play with them. I didn't. I never even had dolls when I was growing up. They had no appeal to me. Not all women have that maternal gene."

My comment wasn't meant to hurt you.
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Well, it DID hurt me and made me angry. I didn't say I didn't have any interest in my son, I said babies had no appeal to me. That didn't mean I didn't love my son or I didn't pay any attention to him. I spoiled him rotten, to be honest. I gave him everything he ever wanted and showed love to him as often as I could while he was growing up. You've twisted my meaning and my words. Shame on you.
 
Colleen said:
I never had a "lack of interest" in my son's life. Just the opposite but he chose to distance himself from me when I moved to CA when he was 22 years old. He had a well paying job, a new car (Camaro), a house we both had shared before I left and the rent was only $100/month, and friends. He claimed I abandoned him. That was in 1997. I tried many, many times to stay in touch with him and we even gave him a plane ticket and brought him to CA to visit us. He's held that against me ever since. He made some bad choices after I left and he blames me for those decisions he made. I wasn't a bad parent. You have no right to be judgmental.
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Your son was an adult + 1 year. In some states, the age of majority is 18. I've read that some people "kick their children out", so to speak when they are at the age of majority, but usually at 21. You were nice to leave him a home where he only paid $100 a month! No where on earth is there a home that costs $100 a month! That you spoiled him is the problem; he feels entitled. It seems he doesn't want to take responsibility for his own actions and it's more convenient to blame things on you. I feel bad for you Colleen. 🤗
 
Colleen said:
I never had a "lack of interest" in my son's life. Just the opposite but he chose to distance himself from me when I moved to CA when he was 22 years old. He had a well paying job, a new car (Camaro), a house we both had shared before I left and the rent was only $100/month, and friends. He claimed I abandoned him. That was in 1997. I tried many, many times to stay in touch with him and we even gave him a plane ticket and brought him to CA to visit us. He's held that against me ever since. He made some bad choices after I left and he blames me for those decisions he made. I wasn't a bad parent. You have no right to be judgmental.
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parents often get unjustly blamed and we seem to have to take it on the chin - my daughter will not speak to me at all and I still after 10 yrs don't know why - hasn't got the nerve to confront me with anything??
 
Did any of you plan not to have children? Reading through this thread I feel confident enough to admit, being without children was always going to be. In 1968, the year that we were married, contraception was, not exactly 100%. There was the contraceptive pill and that did wonders for my wife's erratic periods, it was also just about the most reliable form of contraception there was. At that time many a child owed it's presence to a condom failure.

By the end of 1969 the pill was starting to get a bad press. What to do? I had a vasectomy, and that was at the age of 23. Fifty-five years on this is the first time that I have openly admitted it. Back then it would be another five years before the snip, as it became known, was freely available on our NHS. My vasectomy was performed at a private clinic and cost a month's salary.

Do we dislike children? Not at all. We engage with them, have some wonderful God-children and are happy for those for whom children are a blessing. You don't have to dislike children to not want any of your own. It's a concept that many find hard to fathom.

One day, one of us will have to mourn the other, it won't be easy, but it's bridge to cross when we get there.
 
I love kids, big and small, infants to teenagers (and beyond). They're great fun and so what if they make noise or messes? Not having been born old, in my youth I made plenty of noise and messes that nearby adults generally tolerated well.

As for having my own children? In my early twenties I was sure I'd never have any - didn't think I could manage it - but at 30 my biological clock started thumping too loudly to ignore and I talked DH into our baby girl. Two years later a couple of his sperm boys who slipped past my goalie brought us a set of twin sons. Oy.

Three little ones wasn't always easy and involved some serious sacrifices, I'll give you that, but we've never regretted having them. As we head toward the end of life, our kids, their families and their social circles have become a large part of our circle. Flip side of when they were children and our social circle was a primary source of theirs.
 
horseless carriage said:
Did any of you plan not to have children? Reading through this thread I feel confident enough to admit, being without children was always going to be. In 1968, the year that we were married, contraception was, not exactly 100%. There was the contraceptive pill and that did wonders for my wife's erratic periods, it was also just about the most reliable form of contraception there was. At that time many a child owed it's presence to a condom failure.

By the end of 1969 the pill was starting to get a bad press. What to do? I had a vasectomy, and that was at the age of 23. Fifty-five years on this is the first time that I have openly admitted it. Back then it would be another five years before the snip, as it became known, was freely available on our NHS. My vasectomy was performed at a private clinic and cost a month's salary.

Do we dislike children? Not at all. We engage with them, have some wonderful God-children and are happy for those for whom children are a blessing. You don't have to dislike children to not want any of your own. It's a concept that many find hard to fathom.

One day, one of us will have to mourn the other, it won't be easy, but it's bridge to cross when we get there.
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good call mister!
 

Kids, or no kids​


Never wanted or planned on 'em

My woman wanted many
Many happened in the grandkid dept
19 grand/greatgrands

No regrets

Joys never known

tWmHDYR.jpg


marky.jpg



me and JJ 2 with photomania.jpg


saul and me.jpg
 
The more I think about it, the way I feel about kids was portrayed in an Indiana Jones movie (of all things); it was the movie where Sean Connery played Indy's dad in the movie. IIRC, Indy tells Dad he was a terrible father.
Dad: How was I so terrible?!
Indy: You totally ignored me. That's why I moved out the instant I turned 18.
Dad: I know! You moved out right when you were finally starting to become interesting!
 
I always knew that I wanted kids and I specifically wanted 3 which I received. My sister didn’t want any and that’s what happened. I definitely think it’s good that it’s a choice now.
 


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