Watching young mums make mistakes.

hollydolly said:
she can hardly be ''exhausted'' when she's not cooked or cleaned. This is indicative of so many young parents these days...the child is screaming probably because there's no routine, and he'll be getting fed high sugar I have no doubt.
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People are exhausted for lots of reasons - we really dont know what is going on in her life or anything about her child who, for all we know, may scream because of a medical or developmental issue

Lets not just bag her, or young parents i n general.
 
hollydolly said:
well we've all done it, and raised our children well in a clean home.... no excuse for not doing it, unless she's lazy or suffering from PN depression...

remember many of us worked outside the home as well while raising our children, and keeping a nice home. A young woman not working, not cooking , and not cleaning...needs a good talking to...
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a good talking to?

I disagree.

If anyone can offer any practical help to parents not coping then do so - but otherwise mind our own business.

Unless it is a health hazard or the child is being neglected then how messily people live is up to them.
 

Have you offered to help her find a cleaning service? If she's spending money, she may as well spend it on that.

Have you offered any advice, like that fact that he does need a routine? If you gave her some Parenting 101 books that mention the importance of routine, would she be offended?

There is a formula a psychologist mentioned, and I sometimes forget to use it myself, but it is the Sandwich Formula for Bad News or advice.

You start with a compliment:
"Oh he looks so cute in that outfit", then you sandwich in your advice or bad news:
"My kids always had a schedule at this age and we stuck to that schedule like glue to keep the peace.",
and then you end with a compliment: "I love to see you two play together."

It is a way to package criticism so the recipient won't feel so attacked. Try it! Find one small thing that you can advise her on, something you're sure will help her, and package it in the middle of the Sandwich. See if she can hear you that way without feeling shamed or picked on.
 
Widow of Vietnam Vet said:
It is a shame for a parent to focus on a child this much, because once the child goes to school, he will find out that he is Not the center of attention and might act up in school because of that.

But it sounds like there is more to this situation.....maybe the mother is not getting enough attention and support from her husband.

I learned that often we observe something, that we feel should be resolved, but often it is best not to attempt to intervene.
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Can confirm that "being the center of attention" is the way many kids who have not been in PreK or daycare, and do not have young siblings, start off in Kindergarten. Center of the universe. Some of them really do expect the teacher to drop everything, no matter what is going on, and focus on them, just like mom would. It's not their fault. That's what they know.

This is why so many Kinder classes still focus on giving the kids lots of free playtime throughout the day so they can learn the give and take of socialization. At least half of the day is simply spent playing and then cleaning up. I have also seen that if they have never been taught how to clean up at home, they might just stand around. You literally have to walk them through the picking up process and putting things in their places.

I have heard of parents who never want their children to do housework or chores. Are you freakin' kidding me? Housework is real life. If you don't prepare your kids for real life, what are you doing?
 
I'm definitely getting the impression that child is being spoilt. Nothing else gets done as his every need is pandered to. He has to have her attention all the time and she is so exhausted.
Unfortunately she's set up a rod for her own back.
She must find a way to get control back and she will, like we all had to.
 
hollydolly said:
She hasn't made the child the centre of her life..if she's feeding him processed foods, and take-aways and putting his health in jeopardy even more with filth around him... could she be suffering for Post natal depression?
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Or she might never have learned anything about cooking and food and nutrition. Some people are clueless on that.
 
hollydolly said:
She hasn't made the child the centre of her life..if she's feeding him processed foods, and take-aways and putting his health in jeopardy even more with filth around him... could she be suffering for Post natal depression?
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Or maybe she just doesn't know any better. Start watching the grocery carts of others to see what kind of food they buy and there are all kinds, all ages, all types, who are buying the things that make us the unhealthiest. Do you remember when Jamie Oliver was working with schools to try and get kids eating better? He discovered that their standard fare was mostly white or brown stuff. Meaning no or very little veggies and fruit and mostly fried or deep fried!
 
hollydolly said:
well we've all done it, and raised our children well in a clean home.... no excuse for not doing it, unless she's lazy or suffering from PN depression...

remember many of us worked outside the home as well while raising our children, and keeping a nice home. A young woman not working, not cooking , and not cleaning...needs a good talking to...
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Or she could be suffering from any one of a number of things. Like maybe ADHD. People like that just can't get organized or if someone organizes them, they are unable to stay organized. My son in law is like that. For the sake of peace in the home, my daughter has given up on trying to organize him.
 
Debrah N. said:
Or maybe she just doesn't know any better. Start watching the grocery carts of others to see what kind of food they buy and there are all kinds, all ages, all types, who are buying the things that make us the unhealthiest. Do you remember when Jamie Oliver was working with schools to try and get kids eating better? He discovered that their standard fare was mostly white or brown stuff. Meaning no or very little veggies and fruit and mostly fried or deep fried!
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they know enough to be able to google.. lets' face it....
 
Way too many flowers on this thread. The mother needs an honest talking to. If she is depressed, she needs help for it. Keeping house like that is a terrible example for the child to grow up in and the likelyhood of a failed marriage.. A spoiled child will turn out to be a useless adult every time. I have witnessed this many times.
 
If the mother is not coping or is depressed she needs help. Concerned compassionate help, not a 'talking to'

If her house is just messy or her lifestyle isnt same as ours, that is not anyone else's problem - everyone has their own level of how messy or tidy they are, how much they want to cook, what they like spending money on etc.
 


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