Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 16 to 26 of 26

How Much Slack To A Disabled Person Who Treats People Like Crap

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    5,659
    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    In the case of my family member, he had had a lot of counseling early on, none of which did any good.
    This person did some civilian volunteering in hospitals 50 years ago and assume they know it all when it comes to medical or social issues using that handy 50 year old experience. You simply can't tell them anything nor do they listen.

    Basically if you ever saw an episode of hoarders and how people refuse to give up things that's them-they've had several warnings over the years to clean up AND offers to thoroughly clean up and organize for them. I tell people without a major clean out and reorganization we're doing nothing but enabling at this point. The small clean ups barely make a dent and become a mess shortly after. They've been telling people for decades they normally don't live that way but they have.

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Nrw Jersey
    Posts
    490
    How much slack? None at all !

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Washingto State
    Posts
    49
    I'm sorry you're in this spot. I try to be a "nice" person and help people out...which has caused me a lot of distress over the years. I'm working hard on setting boundaries and not letting people take advantage of me or treat me poorly. It's hard to do the first few times, but I've found that when I stick to my guns, the person either starts treating me nicer or moves on to taking advantage and abusing the next "nice person" they get their claws into. In the end, being an enabler doesn't help the other person improve their situation. Good luck!

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Phila.Pa
    Posts
    2,762
    My older sister is facing a similar situation. Her son had a Spinal Stroke when he was 39yrs old. His wife walked out on him and so taking care of him became my sisters . He is paralyzed from the chest down. He is 50 now and my sister is 74yrs old. He screams and yells at her all the time. He complains that she is old and can't hear good, and forgets where she puts things. He takes no responsibility for what he does wrong. He always says he is sorrow but then 5 minutes later he does it again. His 2 sisters and brothers have stopped talking to him because of his anger. All these years he has never once hollered at me or my husband. I keep telling my sister to use tough love, but she can't. I get upset every day for what she goes through. Her health isn't good and something needs to be done. I wish she would take my advice and stop letting him get away with the disrespect he shows her.
    May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
    Posts
    7,114
    Sassy, I'm sure it is taking a toll on her. I know from experience how hard that situation is. My heart goes out to her.

  6. #21
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Phila.Pa
    Posts
    2,762
    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    Sassy, I'm sure it is taking a toll on her. I know from experience how hard that situation is. My heart goes out to her.
    Thank You very much Butterfly.
    May you live as long as you wish and love as long as you live.

  7. #22
    Join Date
    Feb 2017
    Location
    Florida and New Jersey
    Posts
    202
    I don't think you said exactly what the disability was or if the rude behavior is related to a specific disability.

    If you're talking strictly about physical disabilities, blindness, some type of paralysis, or some debilitating disease, I'll give you a little slack but not much.
    Being in a wheel chair, or being somehow physically disabled doesn't give you a pass to be rude, obnoxious, demanding, etc.


    If the negative attitude was caused by something like a stroke or Alzheimer's disease, this person is no longer the same person he/she used to be.
    But it doesn't sound like that's the issue here.

  8. #23
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    5,659
    Quote Originally Posted by Steve LS View Post
    I don't think you said exactly what the disability was or if the rude behavior is related to a specific disability.

    If you're talking strictly about physical disabilities, blindness, some type of paralysis, or some debilitating disease, I'll give you a little slack but not much.
    Being in a wheel chair, or being somehow physically disabled doesn't give you a pass to be rude, obnoxious, demanding, etc.


    If the negative attitude was caused by something like a stroke or Alzheimer's disease, this person is no longer the same person he/she used to be.
    But it doesn't sound like that's the issue here.
    They've had leg issues since childhood and have developed back & joint issues over the decades. Mobility is their big problem now, actually has been. Poor mobility makes it harder to clean, maintain,shop etc. Their rude behavior is obnoxiousness, arrogance and micro managing every LITTLE thing you do for them. They are also hypocritical trying to tell people they are still independent but refuse their help and ask strangers to do things like carry groceries from the car or some household chores. When they're in a jam guess who they call and can count on-and it's not strangers.

    And since they are basically a hoarder at this point minus official diagnosis a thorough clean out and reorganization is needed rather get a frantic call a few days or night before a visit or inspection from somebody. Their refusal for a full fledged clean up & reorganization is costing everyone. And they have to gaul to rationalize conditions AND last but not least blame it on others. They're blaming the hoarding conditions on the way the movers placed their stuff-25 years ago! (Along with everyone else-they play dumb-I didn't put it there-NO you told others to put it there or you threw, kicked, nudged it there)

  9. #24
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    South BC Canada
    Posts
    11,290
    Quote Originally Posted by WhatInThe View Post
    They've had leg issues since childhood and have developed back & joint issues over the decades. Mobility is their big problem now, actually has been. Poor mobility makes it harder to clean, maintain,shop etc. Their rude behavior is obnoxiousness, arrogance and micro managing every LITTLE thing you do for them. They are also hypocritical trying to tell people they are still independent but refuse their help and ask strangers to do things like carry groceries from the car or some household chores. When they're in a jam guess who they call and can count on-and it's not strangers.

    And since they are basically a hoarder at this point minus official diagnosis a thorough clean out and reorganization is needed rather get a frantic call a few days or night before a visit or inspection from somebody. Their refusal for a full fledged clean up & reorganization is costing everyone. And they have to gaul to rationalize conditions AND last but not least blame it on others. They're blaming the hoarding conditions on the way the movers placed their stuff-25 years ago! (Along with everyone else-they play dumb-I didn't put it there-NO you told others to put it there or you threw, kicked, nudged it there)
    Disabled or not, no one has the right to behave like a high chair tyrant. By all means be honest with him. If he is being a jerk, he needs to be told.

  10. #25
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Location
    Washingto State
    Posts
    49
    Quote Originally Posted by Shalimar View Post
    Disabled or not, no one has the right to behave like a high chair tyrant. By all means be honest with him. If he is being a jerk, he needs to be told.
    I totally agree. I finally have reached the point in my life when I realize that drama is addictive as heroin. Drama seekers are drawn to it like an addict to their drug. I think people (handicapped or not) who treat others like garbage are drama seekers in a way. They want the control they get over others by being nasty because non-nasty people don't usually deal with another person's nastiness directly. We sort of pretend it's not so bad, make excuses for their behavior, etc. And, I think they enjoy the turmoil/drama they cause because it's exciting to them. It's their high.

    I am working very hard to remove people like this from my life because, honestly, who needs them? AND, we're actually doing them harm letting them think they can be nasty because soon enough EVERYBODY is going to be on to them and they'll be totally alone and maybe really need something!

  11. #26
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    616
    These folks probably feel useless, ashamed and angry with themselves for being in the position they are in, so they project these feelings onto their helpers because they know deep down that they themselves wouldn't help out others if situation was reversed ... it's probably just guilt ...
    Explain that you're willing to help when and how you can, BUT , also explain that you don't owe them anything and if their attitude doesn't change, then you'll have to back off and go back to doing more rewarding things with your time ... life's too short to waste on unrewarding tasks ... a simple "thanks for caring" goes a long way for me

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Please reply to this thread with any new information or opinions.

Similar Threads

  1. Will This Legitimacy Crap Ever Cease????
    By Lon in forum Politics and Serious Discussions
    Replies: 111
    Last Post: 01-22-2017, 06:56 PM
  2. Do you give out treats on Halloween?
    By debodun in forum Holidays
    Replies: 26
    Last Post: 11-04-2015, 09:02 PM
  3. Regular Treats Do You have some
    By hollydolly in forum General Discussions
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 03-29-2015, 06:52 PM
  4. Some special treats for Australian Day...
    By CeeCee in forum Food & Drinks
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 01-24-2014, 09:00 AM
  5. Crap and Spyware...NO MORE!
    By kburra in forum Computers & Phones
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-09-2013, 09:23 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Family & Health Forums: Mom Forum - Health Forum - Low Carb Forum - Pet Forums