Results 1 to 4 of 4

'Smithers'.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Cheshire, UK
    Posts
    179

    'Smithers'.

    'Smithers'





    In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding

    officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

    After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual
    courtesies that protocol decrees (gin and tonic, cucumber
    sandwiches etc) the retiring colonel said, "You must meet my
    adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man, he's
    really the strength of this office. His talent is simply
    boundless."

    Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised
    to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and
    pockmarked specimen of humanity, and only three feet tall.


    "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.

    "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the
    regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions
    behind enemy lines. Ive represented Great Britain in equestrian
    events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the
    Olympics. I have researched the history of....."



    Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers,
    he can find all that in your file.



    Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to f**k off!!!"


  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Cheshire, UK
    Posts
    179
    Husband and wife have yet another fight.

    The wife phones her mother and tells her, "Bob and me had another fight. I'm leaving him and coming back to live with you!"

    Mother replies, "NO! He needs to be really punished. I'm coming to live with YOU!"
    __________________

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Cheshire, UK
    Posts
    179
    A gardener was passing an asylum wheeling a barrow full of manure - one of the inmates asked him what it was for " To put on my rhubarb " he said,
    the lunatic replied " You should come in here - we get custard on ours !"

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    Cheshire, UK
    Posts
    179
    Rooming with a Snorer?

    The guys were on a bike tour. No one wanted to room with Mick, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they votedto take turns.

    The first guy slept with Mick and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

    They said, "Man, what happened to you? He said, "Mick snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

    The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

    They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Mick shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."
    The third night was Bill's turn. He was a tanned, older biker, a man's man. The next morning, he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

    "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Mick into bed,patted him on the ****, and kissed him good night on the lips. Mick sat up and watched me all night."

Please reply to this thread with any new information or opinions.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Family & Health Forums: Pet Forums - Health Forum