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After effects of work

  1. #31
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    We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.


    Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

    One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

    One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
    WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.
    Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

    One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

    One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
    WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.
    One must first have the capacity to listen and learn before change is possible. I am pleased you had an epiphany while at your lowest point, it took me much longer to reach that place.
    Love is a verb.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    We hear you Shalimar but we are only human too and aren’t professionally trained.
    Its a normal response to get frustrated when you put lots of time and energy into trying to help someone who isn’t responsive to help but just keeps asking for help.

    One of the hardest things I had to learn and it was at one of my lowest points, was ‘ God helps those who help themselves. ‘

    One doesn’t even have to be religious to get the benefit of this.
    WE have to be a ‘part’ of our own solution and until one is ‘ready’ to truly ‘listen’ then all our helping is pointless.
    The frustration was normal, some of the comments were cruel. One does not require a PhD to behave in a compassionate fashion.
    Love is a verb.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shalimar View Post
    Just a thought, often, a core part of severe anxiety and depression/despair, is an inability to escape one’s inertia, it literally hurts to breathe. Tunnel vision rules the day, protracted, focused rational thought, changes/decisions are virtually impossible, there is literally no light visible at the end of the tunnel. Everything is negative. Therefore, irritability, fear, rational or otherwise, is the norm, getting out of bed almost impossible. I have been

    there folks, almost died from attempting suicide. Soooo. If the lady needs to vent, please let her. Try not to be judgemental, it can take some time for the fog to clear, to learn to function again. I am saddened at some of the harsh remarks on this thread.


    Mental illness is not a character flaw. When will we learn to recognize this? I was Patnono for a long long time. Her behaviour is consistent with her diagnosis. If a psychologist can be flattened by depression/anxiety, how is it ok to expect miracles of those without specialized skill sets?
    I gotta bow to this
    and retract my observations
    I can only deal with logic
    and sometimes not even that
    “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” Emerson

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gary O' View Post
    I gotta bow to this
    and retract my observations
    I can only deal with logic
    and sometimes not even that
    I honour your willingness to be so open to another point of view, particularly one so at odds with your reality. I salute you.
    Love is a verb.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shalimar View Post
    One must first have the capacity to listen and learn before change is possible. .
    Yes Shalimar. I completely agree and that WAS my exact point

  7. #37
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    Shalimar, could you give us a guide as to how to respond to someone like Patnono to one of her questions that no one was able to answer to her satisfaction. How would you do it. I mean in words. I only responded to her once trying to make her understand us and how we can only help to a limited degree. Yes, saying some nice words is kind, but in the end she is still frustrated because we are unable to help her in the way that she can actually use the advice, and then she stops getting responses.
    Sing, sing a song. Make it simple to last your whole life long - The Carpenters

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olivia View Post
    Shalimar, could you give us a guide as to how to respond to someone like Patnono to one of her questions that no one was able to answer to her satisfaction. How would you do it. I mean in words. I only responded to her once trying to make her understand us and how we can only help to a limited degree. Yes, saying some nice words is kind, but in the end she is still frustrated because we are unable to help her in the way that she can actually use the advice, and then she stops getting responses.
    I think all you can do is try to be kind, not judge her harshly if she does not respond in a positive way. Ultimately, you are not shrinks, can’t be expected to professionally analyze her life. I often spend months listening to clients who are unloading years of pain, it is a form of lancing a poisonous emotional infection, a catharsis, once enough has been released, then healing can begin. Of course, that is not the

    role of people here. If, after people offering sound advice, she is still unable to manifest change, clearly she is not yet well enough to do so. I totally understand the frustration this can cause for all concerned. Mental illness is difficult for the sufferer and the people

    around them. You have the right to express your helplessness when all suggestions are shot down, or not followed up. It does no good to perpetuate a myth that this forum has a quick fix plan. I don’t know what avenues of professional help are available

    to her, particularly if money is short. Therapy is very important at this juncture. I would be honest with patnono regarding your limitations, and if it becomes too draining, explain that and back off. If she can’t change her life, all she can expect here on sf is a sounding board from time to time.

    There are also many online support groups for people dealing with depression and anxiety. I believe this would be very helpful for her. Oops, I forgot to suggest that when she asks questions that no one can answer to her satisfaction, remind her of your efforts, that you don’t have the right answers, not that you lack compassion. Suggest that if sf is not helping her, she could

    also access the online support groups who would have a better understanding of what she is going through. Sorry for my disjointed reply, I lost one of my favourite vets to suicide, and my heart grieves.
    Love is a verb.

  9. #39
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    Thank you, Shalimar. I find it very helpful to think about it that way.
    Sing, sing a song. Make it simple to last your whole life long - The Carpenters

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olivia View Post
    Thank you, Shalimar. I find it very helpful to think about it that way.
    You are most welcome.
    Love is a verb.

  11. #41
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    Thank you for giving us the benefit of your wisdom.

    Patnono, please accept my sincere apologies for my harshness with you. I wish you the best.

  12. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarSong View Post
    Thank you for giving us the benefit of your wisdom.

    Patnono, please accept my sincere apologies for my harshness with you. I wish you the best.
    You are so welcome.
    Love is a verb.

  13. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarSong View Post
    Thank you for giving us the benefit of your wisdom.

    Patnono, please accept my sincere apologies for my harshness with you. I wish you the best.
    Yeah

    I was waaaay outa line
    not even in the ballpark

    I'm goin' back to the sandlot
    no rules there (that we hold to)
    “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” Emerson

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