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Sue plays golf

  1. #1

    Sue plays golf

    Well, Sue decided that she wanted to become a golfer...to accompany me to the golf course and find out just what is so special about this game

    "But," I said, " you've never even hit a golf ball. I mean it takes years to get as good as I am and..."

    "You don't want me to play."

    "I never said that....Hey, wait a minute....Is this the old guilt trip thing?"

    "Of course not. I just want to spend more time with you and I thought it would be fun and, you being so good at golf, you could teach me how to play."

    "Well, since you put it that way...."

    The next morning we threw the golf clubs Sue had borrowed from our daughter, into our truck and away we went, heading for the local golf course.

    When we arrived and picked up the scorecard, Jim, the clubhouse attendant, suggested that we go to the nine hole course, which, as luck would have it, was empty at that time of the morning and, besides, there was the threat of rain.

    So, off we go to the first tee.

    "Alright, Sue...do you notice the Pink blocks over there? Well, that's where the women tee off . The men tee off where the blue blocks are located."

    "Why? "

    "Well, it's because men hit the ball further then the women so the tee for the ladies was placed there so it was......."

    "I want to hit the ball from where you will be."

    "Yea, but..."

    ''I want to hit the ball from where the blue blocks are..."

    So, I put the tee into the ground...blue blocks....and put the ball on the tee.

    "Ok", I said, "you drive first."

    "Which stick will I use?"

    "They're not called sticks, they're called clubs....and you will use the driver...that's the one with the big head.....and.....don't go there."

    Sue picked out the driver and approached the tee.

    "OK, Now," I said, "Keep your head down, look at the ball, keep your right arm straight, make sure the ball is....."

    "What?"

    "I said keep your head down, look at the ball......"

    "You're kidding. All I want to do is hit the ball."

    "Well, if you don't do as I tell you, you will probably swing at the ball and miss it or, if by chance you do hit it, you'll probably put it into the trees and shrubs over there on the right of the fairway.."

    "I'll take my chances."

    "OK. Well, Stand over the ball and address it."

    "C'mon....you're kidding!"

    "No I'm not. When you first approach the ball it's called addressing the ball...so, address the ball."

    Sue stood over the ball. Sue addressed the ball....

    "Hello, ball...this seems stupid!"

    "Sue, you don't actually speak to the ball.....oh, never mind...hit the ball."

    Sue once again approached the ball. With a might swing , she clubbed the ball and off it went. It travelled no more then 2 feet off the ground, in a straight line heading for the distant flag. When it did come down the ball bounced about five times and rolled...and rolled....to within 30 yards of the pin.

    "Hey," she said, " that was not bad. That was good, huh?"

    "Well", I said," It was OK but you didn't get any height on the ball. Ya see, if you get it higher it will travel further. I'll show you how it's done."

    With that I placed the ball on the tee and prepared to swing.

    "Just watch, my dear Wife, and learn." I would show her just how it is done....I was pumped.....

    With a mighty swing the ball took off going higher and higher....and curving and curving....until it disappeared into the trees and brush off to the right of the fairway.

    "Guess that's not good, huh?" says Sue.

    "I don't understand it. Must have been the wind."

    "Maybe you didn't address the ball."

    "Let's go."

    Off we went, Sue heading straight up the fairway to where her ball lay while I headed into the trees....and brush..to locate my ball.

    It was dark and damp and I couldn't find the ball. I poked about, the mosquitos enjoying my company.....I kept looking.

    "What in the world is taking you so long?" Sue had walked back down the fairway to find out what I was up to.....

    "Can't find the ball."

    "Well, use another one."

    "I Gotta find the one I hit. It's the rules.....wait a minute I got it."

    I came out of the bush, ball in hand, and followed Sue back up the fairway to where her ball lay.



    Sue looked at me and said, "Where are YOU going?"

    "I was going to place the ball with you and...."

    " I believe that you must play the ball from the spot where it went into the woods and, I also believe, there is a one stroke penalty."

    'What?"

    "I said, you have to play the ball..."

    "I heard you...Where did you get THAT information?"

    "Watched the golf channel."

    "Oh."

    When I returned to the spot as mentioned, I got out my five iron and hit the ball to the green....and about 35 feet away the pin.....

    I walked up to where Sue was waiting....

    "You kinda hit that ball a bit too hard, I reckon," she said.

    "Never mind.....Use your number nine iron to get onto the green."

    With that Sue dug a tee out of the pocket of the golf bag and placed it firmly into the ground.

    "Wait a minute," I said, "you can't use a tee on the fairway. It's just not done."

    "Why?"

    "Well...Well....It's the rules....It's not done.."

    " You Sure?"

    " Of course I'm sure. Now let's see you hit the ball."

    " Ok. What stick did you say I should use?"

    "They're clubs.....use the nine iron."

    Sue reached into her bag and brought out the putter.

    "The putter? Your kidding! You'll never reach the....."

    With a swing worthy of John Daly, Sue hit the ball with the putter. The ball went bouncing across the grass and continued to bounce and onto the green about six feet from the hole.

    "I don't believe it......I took lessons......lessons......and you used a putter.....I don't believe it..."

    ''That wasn't too bad, huh. I don't know but all those stories you told me about how difficult it is to play golf......"

    I trudged up to where the my ball lay and surveyed the situation. 35 feet slightly downhill.......I asked Sue to remove the flag from the hole, which she did.

    I prepared to putt. I glanced at the distance to the hole, looked at the ball, checked the distance and prepared to putt....this to win the United States Open. Steady...

    "Doug."

    "What!"

    It's starting to rain..hurry up."

    "Sue, you DO NOT talk when someone is getting ready to putt."

    "Well, hurry up."

    Once again I prepared to putt......Back went the putter and as I hit the ball...

    A huge clap of thunder, lightning sparkled across the sky...it began to pour.....

    " I don't like this!! I want to go home! I'm getting soaked! Maybe catch pneumonia..."

    "OK," Said Sue," Let's go but next time Doug, don't complain so much."

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Albuquerque, New Mexico USA
    Posts
    9,081
    Back in the day, my husband played golf and I had the same idea as Sue, and I thought it would be good exercise. I wasn't very good at it. And I soon found out that riding around on a golf cart was about as much exercise as driving back and forth to the store, which wasn't nearly as annoying as golf.

    I LOVE the idea of "addressing the ball." "Yo, ball, howzit going?"

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    1,586
    Funny, funny.

  4. #4
    Thanks drifter. I try.....

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