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How long did it take to adjust to spending all day with your spouse after retirement?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2018
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    79

    How long did it take to adjust to spending all day with your spouse after retirement?

    I retired slowly over 8 years until I was working at home only 2 days a week before I worked no days a week. This gave us time to integrate our live together. My wife retired 8 years ago so she had her routines at home and then had me there to interfere with them. One example is vacuuming the rugs while I was on a business call. Then too much time together was not a good idea. You run out of things to say. It is nice that both of us have me time to watch what we want on TV and do things without each other. My wife does not even like when I go food shopping with her. Says that I slow her down and she ends up buying more junk food that I pick out. She does go out to play cards and Bingo three nights a week and I belong to three clubs, so I have meetings to go to each week. We seldom go out to eat without another couple as there is more to talk about with out friends with us.

    I have read that too much time spent together can negatively affect a relationship. I think that is true and I know couples who do everything together and are quite happy. Since my wife and I have nothing in common we each do our own things but spend 5-11 PM together each night when possible. We do not get on each other's nerves or have to change long established and comfortable routines.

    How about you?
    If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    So. California
    Posts
    9,323
    Being a widower, I don't have those problems any longer.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    West Island, Que.
    Posts
    633
    I am widowed now; but when we retired we had a large garden which we spent much time in.
    In the winter I had my volunteer work and he had his workshop. He started to show an interest
    in cooking and that became something we both enjoyed. I am a reader and he watched sports
    on the TV. We joined a square dance club and enjoyed that together. We were able to travel
    and did some marvelous cruises. We had our families and grandkids, and we would baby sit occasionally; had friends
    we would often go out to dinner with. Looking back we were very compatible and enjoyed our retirement.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Houston Y'all
    Posts
    1,852
    My husband and I enjoy being together and we enjoy occasionally being apart. Retirement was an adjustment for us but he pretty much does his own thing and so do I. In the evenings I am upstairs on my laptop and he is downstairs in the den watching TV. He keeps busy with projects and volunteering. Occasionally we do some traveling.

    I think it's important that couples are understanding and not critical of each other. After 30 years, he knows when to give me some space and I appreciate that. Like Tortiecat and her spouse, we are compatible. It makes for a nice life.

    "Get off my lawn."
    -- Walt Kowalkski

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,090
    When we lived in a 55+ community in AZ there were over 100 clubs with different interests. She went to the sewing club and a couple of other groups. I went to the computer club, and the photo club. There were indoor and outdoor pools where we went together for water aerobics.
    I joined the Sheriff's Posse. We joined the RV club and went on caravan trips south to Cabo San Lucas and north to Alberta by way of Yellowstone, and many places in between.
    Since we returned to FL it is similar in the 55+ community here although it is on a smaller scale.


  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    Northern New Jersey
    Posts
    3,308
    We pretty much retired at the same time. We have developed a routine that works for us. We both are home bodies and sometimes the days aren't long enough for me. The hubby has become a couch potato which bothers me only when there are repairs or work to be done that I can't do myself.

    The hubby does like to drive and our daughter lives in VA. so we make several trips to visit her and family. I have my garden,sewing machine, photo albums which I constantly add to and arrange. I love to cook and read and tear the house apart on a regular basis.

    My only problem is cleaning day. I doubt we will ever get that ironed out. If the floor is wet he's on it. If I've cleaned the toilet, he's on it.

    We have a lot of me time even if it is at home which we both need.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Nashville TN
    Posts
    115
    Wow. Here I am contemplating getting engaged (I haven't worked up to marriage yet at 65, and after being single for 14 years and very unhappily married for quite a few years before that, this is one of the things that I think about...that adjustment to living with someone else full-time, being in each other's company more than on weekends except for the fun stuff like vacations.

    Will we get on each other's nerves after a while? Neither of us are retired and plan on working for a good few years yet, but even so, I'm not used to living with a significant other. I'm used to my space, to do what I want when I want. Don't get me wrong, we are very comfortable together, have gone on long vacations together, have spent time at his house together, and so far there have been zero issues with each of us doing our own things, and also doing things together. We both recognize that we aren't going to be doing everything together, because we each have different interests as well as many similar ones.

    I guess it comes down to balance. To being able to balance the time you want to have by yourself with the recognition that there's a need to nurture one's spouse and the relationship. Those of you who have commented about it seem like you've found that balance, have struck a happy medium.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    2,357
    Quote Originally Posted by Ronni View Post
    Wow. Here I am contemplating getting engaged (I haven't worked up to marriage yet at 65, and after being single for 14 years and very unhappily married for quite a few years before that, this is one of the things that I think about...that adjustment to living with someone else full-time, being in each other's company more than on weekends except for the fun stuff like vacations.

    Will we get on each other's nerves after a while? Neither of us are retired and plan on working for a good few years yet, but even so, I'm not used to living with a significant other. I'm used to my space, to do what I want when I want. Don't get me wrong, we are very comfortable together, have gone on long vacations together, have spent time at his house together, and so far there have been zero issues with each of us doing our own things, and also doing things together. We both recognize that we aren't going to be doing everything together, because we each have different interests as well as many similar ones.

    I guess it comes down to balance. To being able to balance the time you want to have by yourself with the recognition that there's a need to nurture one's spouse and the relationship. Those of you who have commented about it seem like you've found that balance, have struck a happy medium.
    Don't be afraid to commit to marriage, even when you read about those that don't want to marry ever again or talk about how much time they need to be by themselves. Everyone's needs are different. We have no problem doing many, many things together.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,060
    I haven't thought about this. I guess it depends on how couples get along before retiring, then adjust. I think marriage takes adjusting about every 10 years. Hopes, dreams, finances, health, all change. No different in retirement, the key is adapting and understanding both partners will change. Love, respect and communication always work to be able to enjoy whatever time is left in the last years together.


    Works for us married 56 years and so far the last 24 years of those 56 years are spent in retirement together 24/7 doing things together and pursuing our own interests.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Luton UK
    Posts
    33

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    232
    My husband's job kept him gone most of the week and I'd only see him on weekends. Some times he would be sent out of state and be gone for a month at a time. When he retired in 2001, we bought a truck and trailer, sold our home and everything we had and hit the road. I didn't have time to "adjust" to him being around 24/7. We lived in a 40' fifth-wheel for 3 1/2 years! I guess you could say I HAD to get use to having him around instantly...haha.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,057
    .

    Divorced for decades before I retired.

    Retiring early took financial discipline.

    If I had a spouse, I doubt I would have been able to retire at age 55.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Central California
    Posts
    1,859
    He's been retired about 11 years now, I'll let you know when we adjust to being together all the time.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    232
    Quote Originally Posted by Linda View Post
    He's been retired about 11 years now, I'll let you know when we adjust to being together all the time.
    Haha....too funny

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Nrw Jersey
    Posts
    949
    I've never adjusted to us being together too much of the time. Good thing we don't have a traditional marriage and he oversees a business, albeit a shrinking one, which keeps him engaged even though he's been semi retired for a couple of years.

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