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If You Could Bring Someone Back to Life, Would You?

  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    Stuck inside of Mobile, with the Memphis Blues again.
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    2,348


    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    My dad beat the crap at of me ALL the time
    Hes still alive
    I wish no revenge. You learn to live with it
    Some people should not have been parents but you can’t roll back time.
    If you got lemons you make lemonade
    Quote Originally Posted by Aneeda72 View Post
    Hey Trade,

    Your "old man" wasn't physically abusive, but he was neglectful. Neglect is abuse. It has affected you deeply. Neglect can be just as harmful as physical abuse. I don't think I've misunderstood, but maybe I did. If so, I apologize.

    I endured just about every form of abuse you can name. I had problems similar to yours. I was a shy child. A child who couldn't spell. (Or throw a ball, or tell time.). My parents made me practice, practice, and practice. Write, write, write the words again and again and again. Then my mother drilled me, and like you, at home, and I could finally spell.

    But at school, (this was fourth grade), I would open the spelling book, turn to the test page, and as teacher called out the words the letters disappeared from my mind. She took the book, corrected the spelling, and another big fat red F appeared again. Home I went.

    To the screaming, the rage, the beatings, and the practice, the writing, the drills. Rinse, repeat. A spelling book filled with big fat red F's. The stupid unwanted useless girl child who couldn't even spell, who wrote b's instead of d's. I got better as I got older, but I was never great at spelling.

    Even now, if I become the least bit stressed, I can't spell. I mentioned this once to my daughter. How hard it was for me. How I couldn't look up words in the dictionary, because I could not spell. How she, her brother, my husband used to laugh at me when she was younger. How hurtful it was.

    She bought me Alexa. Alexa can spell. But Alexa can't heal the hurt. I suppose that's the saddest thing of all.
    IMO Physical abuse is a lot worse that what I had, which basically amounted to lack of interest. I feel bad about complaining now.
    "Some velvet morning when I'm straight"

  2. #32
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    5,544
    Our parents have a huge impact on our lives, no doubt, and if they were narcissistic, then there’s a good chance they were abusive.


    I really appreciate Trades honesty.
    Neglect is definitely a form of abuse, especially coming from a narcissist parent. You are either there for their benefit or you may as well not be there at all because ‘they’ always come first.


    When I read up about narcissistic parenting it said there were basically two different types. The ones who live their lives by moulding you into exactly what they want , since you are a reflection of them and their good tastes etc., OR the ones who are so self absorbed they’d rather not even know you are there. I had the latter.


    My parents were not only physically abusive but mentally also. My mom had and still has my dad’s balls in a vice and he will do anything she orders him to do. Sorry if this is offensive wording to some but I don’t know how else to explain it.
    If she were ever upset with me she’d sent him in my room to whip my butt and it was horribly abusive. He was 5 ‘ 10 “ ,.... 225 pounds and completely muscle bound. He once broke his hand hitting me and then blamed me for his hand breaking, never mind the damage caused to me. Their narcissism is off the charts.


    I’ve spent my life having an ‘on again’ ‘off again’ relationship with them and have had much counselling most of which have suggested to break ties if I want the toxicity to end. I finally did but now they are 85 & 89 and in their final stages of life and at times I still feel like walking away but I’ve got a fabulous relationship with a wonderful brother and I can’t abandon him since he’s the POA, and responsible for looking after them.


    Consistent parental abuse is so sinister.
    The very people who are supposed to love and teach us how wonderful life can be become your enemy. It creates mistrust of humanity in general which causes torment to the survivor.


    Anyway I don’t believe in revenge. Revenge can never be part of a just system. It is driven by anger and violence which are negative emotions that have a direct impact on our well being and mental health. With helping my parents out I have had to seek counselling due to past trauma rearing it’s ugly head.


    I’ve recently discovered that there are certain characteristics that people display who have experienced being raised by severe narcissists and I take comfort in knowing I’m not alone here.


    I’ve got a thread about narcissistic abusive parents which I’m going to update soon.
    http://www.seniorforums.com/showthre...-aging-Parents

  3. #33
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trade View Post
    IMO Physical abuse is a lot worse that what I had, which basically amounted to lack of interest. I feel bad about complaining now.
    Dont

  4. #34
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    556
    I do miss several persons that I think of every day, but I just as strongly believe they are in a better place. Passing is the only exit from this dimension of existence we know as life. Ones passing is the only way we can escape, I would need to know if they wanted to come back. (this is a heavy subject)
    MY LEGS HAVE ALWAYS HELD ME UP, MY ARMS ALWAYS BY MY SIDE, MY FINGERS I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON.

  5. #35
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Southwest, USA
    Posts
    317
    Agree totally with what you have said.

  6. #36
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aneeda72 View Post
    Agree totally with what you have said.
    Sorry Aneeda, I meant to direct my post to you but forgot to add your quote.

  7. #37
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Location
    SURPRISE, ARIZONA
    Posts
    7,973
    If it were possible and she could return pain free and healthy, I'd love to have my wife back.
    We are either growing or dying.

  8. #38
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    CA
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    191
    Quote Originally Posted by JimW View Post
    I would bring my grandparents back in a second. Both were more like real parents to me than my actual parents and I'd love to have more time with them, especially my Grandfather who died when I was 16.
    Exactly the same with me. My grandfather also died when I was 16. I liked him more than either of my parents. When I misbehaved as a kid, I got sent to my grandfather's place. After that, I'd intentionally misbehave so I could go back there. My parents were not smart enough to figure it out.

  9. #39
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Mass
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    686
    Quote Originally Posted by win231 View Post
    Exactly the same with me. My grandfather also died when I was 16. I liked him more than either of my parents. When I misbehaved as a kid, I got sent to my grandfather's place. After that, I'd intentionally misbehave so I could go back there. My parents were not smart enough to figure it out.
    My parents still haven't figured it out either. I gave up on that a long time ago.

    I slept over my grandparents house almost every weekend when I was a kid, I looked forward to it all week long. My grandfather always had something planned for us to do together, even if we were doing yard work he made it fun and always taught me something. I ended up moving in with my grandmother at age 17 after my grandfather died. I never went back to my parent's house from that point on. I have my grandfather's burial flag and WW2 medals along with a pic of him in his Navy uniform with my grandmother in a case that I look at every day.

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