Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
Results 46 to 52 of 52

5 Differences Between Retirement Homes & Long Term Care Homes

  1. #46
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    3,976
    The meeting with my parents and their healthcare supervisor went well.




    Apparently my mom had called the general phone number for this service when she made the complaint about the worker stealing from her and her message wasn’t received. The supervisor knew nothing about the incident but she agreed that all people working for my parents should let their presence be known as soon as they enter the house and when they leave. An email was sent out to all the workers to let them know this. I also wrote the name and number of their supervisor on their fridge door in big bold print and left it on their fridge.


    My mom didn’t know who this person was and with her dementia it’s difficult to know whether something is fact or fiction. My parents are overly suspicious of people and are often accusing people of things they haven’t done so distinguishing the difference can be difficult.


    I did not bring up the medical marijuana incident because I don’t want to get involved. Yes I’m legal and if there was a thief then I should have reported it to the police but I didn’t. It was a tough decision but I didn’t want to upset my parents more than needed so sucked it up even though it showed deceptive behaviour. If my parents already have a problem trusting people I figured this incidence would make their problem much worse. It may not have been the right decision but it’s one that I made.


    One thing we all agreed with is that my parents cannot leave their doors permanently unlocked so these workers can come into the house whenever they want so we got a key box that will be used. All workers will enter a number to get the key.


    I’ve spoken to my parents about getting cameras installed in their home which they seemed interested in and will go to Costco and pick some up for them. We will set these up as well as change the door locks and add the key box next weekend when we go up for thanksgiving.


    I’ve also found someone local who can do their snow removal in the winter and let them know that expecting the neighbours to do it free all the time isn’t recommended nor is considerate. They do need to pay someone to do this each time it snows so it IS considered a real ‘job’ and not just a favour.


    I’ve also discovered that we don’t have to do anything with the front or side cedars as they aren’t on my parents property but are on the right of way which is not considered theirs. This is a good thing cause that’s a lot of work.


    I’m going to call their pharmacist and ask that their prescription drugs be put into blister packs instead of viles because my dad isn’t taking his medication properly.
    He has heart pills that he’s only taken 50% of the time and seems to think he only has one prescription when he actually has four.


    ‘Looking after these two is challenging.’ This is an understatement if there ever was one but I have to admit that at times their behaviour is hilarious. When I first got there my mom whispered that my dad is losing it. He’s getting early dementia my mom says with a very serious look on her face.


    When I went to take my dad in the car with me the first thing he says to me once we are driving and away from the house is that my mom is getting dementia. It’s also said with a straight serious face and I had to do everything in my power not to crack up and howl with laughter. It was just sooo funny. They are both very much like children now with the roles being reversed.


    Knowing this I’ve now decided to treat them like they were MY children and it’s actually working out VERY well. I’ve never had children and it gives me an opportunity to prove to myself that I DO INDEED have EXCELLENT mothering skills and can treat them with love and respect.
    It leaves me feeling good about my own personal integrity which is tactfully in place as it should be.


    One area I need to ask for help with is personal hygiene. My mom is showering and keeping herself clean but my dad isn’t. In fact he hadn’t showered in weeks and is starting to get quite funky. It’s been politely suggested that he showers and he just refuses. The odd thing is that I’ve never ever in my life seen my father unkept. He has always been clean shaven and had clean healthy hair, as well as clean clothes. He’s now wearing the same pair of shorts over & over . His hair is now past his shoulders and it’s really thick like mine. I asked him if I could cut it and he said no. I asked if I could take him to the barbers and he said no. He doesn’t seem to care what he looks like any more nor care that he’s becoming offensive to others.


    Does anyone have any suggestions? It’s a sensitive subject I know.


    I’ve made arrangements to have Thanksgiving dinner up their next weekend. I’ll be preparing all the food and pray that my dad has showered by then.
    My brother and sister in law are coming also.

  2. #47
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    3,976
    I havenít brought up about the will yet. I feel guilty asking about it.
    The last thing I want is my parents to think Iím doing all of this to get their money. Being suspicious like they are are ,they probably would and their minds really are slipping.

  3. #48
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,543
    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    One area I need to ask for help with is personal hygiene. My mom is showering and keeping herself clean but my dad isn’t. In fact he hadn’t showered in weeks and is starting to get quite funky. It’s been politely suggested that he showers and he just refuses. The odd thing is that I’ve never ever in my life seen my father unkept. He has always been clean shaven and had clean healthy hair, as well as clean clothes. He’s now wearing the same pair of shorts over & over . His hair is now past his shoulders and it’s really thick like mine. I asked him if I could cut it and he said no. I asked if I could take him to the barbers and he said no. He doesn’t seem to care what he looks like any more nor care that he’s becoming offensive to others. Does anyone have any suggestions? It’s a sensitive subject I know.
    First of all, you're doing great! Your parents are so blessed to have you. Just reading about all you do for them is exhausting

    You asked for suggestions for your Dad's hygiene care. Aging sometimes causes depression which in turn causes lack of motivation for attending to personal hygiene. A vitamin B-12 might be helpful and eating dark greens and veggies everyday...but you already know all about nutrition.

    Then I would be carefully frank with your Dad about his hygiene . Try talking in 3rd person for now so as not to sound like you're blaming him...yet.

    I would tell him that sometimes as we age, older people begin to lack a regular shower routine which is a sign that it is time they have a professional caregiver come twice a week to help them shower or bathe or check into an assisted care home. Notice I'm saying this about others and not him personally. I didn't use the word "you".

    Then say, setting up a routine now, like a bath every Monday and Thursday, or every Tuesday and Friday (or at least once a week), helps seniors achieve that goal of independence for as long as possible. This includes a shave, say, twice a week and a haircut once a month (or more often depending on how fast his hair grows).

    He can wear his hair in a clean pony tail but he'll sleep better if it's shorter and on a clean pillowcase. If he refuses then tell him that's no longer an option.

    If he still refuses tell him the alternative is assisted living. His long thick hair is too hard for others to take care of so they will cut it with no arguments. There comes a time when we have to let go of some of our pride when we have too much pride, and humble ourselves. We need to let others help us.

    I used to wash my mother's short hair in her deep kitchen sink using the spray nozzle. She was very independent right up to the end as far as showering but couldn't lift her arm without a lot of pain to do her hair. I assisted her a little in the shower so she wouldn't lose her balance and fall. My mother and father were so pleasant and easy right till the end. I lucked out.

  4. #49
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Connecticut USA
    Posts
    12,632
    Keesha, my parents never became elderly, so I have no experience to offer you.

    However, in your father's case of not showering, I have a few questions:

    Do you think he's afraid to fall in the shower?
    Are there grab bars ?
    Is it difficult for him to step up and over the side of the tub getting in and out?
    Is the hot water adequate?
    Does he shiver until he gets himself towel-dried?

    A big terry cloth robe to put on as soon as he comes out will keep him warm while he towels legs, & etc.
    Maybe one of those shower seats placed in the tub will help.

    Tell the home health aid to stay near him and comb his hair back into a pony tail immediately.

    When I worked in insurance claims, I heard about a water damage claim someone filed. Gramps lived with the family and was not ill or weak at all. The fam went on a brief vacation. Gramps had a heart attack while in the shower and died, his body blocking the drain and water overflowed, flooded the bathroom and caused a lot of damage.

    Edit to say- if he drinks a lot maybe he's afraid to get in the shower tipsy, then forgets when sober?
    Last edited by RadishRose; 09-29-2018 at 11:56 AM.

  5. #50
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    3,976
    Quote Originally Posted by Lara View Post
    First of all, you're doing great! Your parents are so blessed to have you. Just reading about all you do for them is exhausting

    You asked for suggestions for your Dad's hygiene care. Aging sometimes causes depression which in turn causes lack of motivation for attending to personal hygiene. A vitamin B-12 might be helpful and eating dark greens and veggies everyday...but you already know all about nutrition.

    Then I would be carefully frank with your Dad about his hygiene . Try talking in 3rd person for now so as not to sound like you're blaming him...yet.

    I would tell him that sometimes as we age, older people begin to lack a regular shower routine which is a sign that it is time they have a professional caregiver come twice a week to help them shower or bathe or check into an assisted care home. Notice I'm saying this about others and not him personally. I didn't use the word "you".

    Then say, setting up a routine now, like a bath every Monday and Thursday, or every Tuesday and Friday (or at least once a week), helps seniors achieve that goal of independence for as long as possible. This includes a shave, say, twice a week and a haircut once a month (or more often depending on how fast his hair grows).

    He can wear his hair in a clean pony tail but he'll sleep better if it's shorter and on a clean pillowcase. If he refuses then tell him that's no longer an option.

    If he still refuses tell him the alternative is assisted living. His long thick hair is too hard for others to take care of so they will cut it with no arguments. There comes a time when we have to let go of some of our pride when we have too much pride, and humble ourselves. We need to let others help us.

    I used to wash my mother's short hair in her deep kitchen sink using the spray nozzle. She was very independent right up to the end as far as showering but couldn't lift her arm without a lot of pain to do her hair. I assisted her a little in the shower so she wouldn't lose her balance and fall. My mother and father were so pleasant and easy right till the end. I lucked out.
    Thanks for the support ladies.


    Lara. Depression is setting in. My father no longer has a daily schedule and I think he is depressed. He basically gets up, makes coffee for my mom and himself then goes into the tv room and watches tv until he falls asleep. He sleeps for a long time and once he gets up he makes something to eat for them both. My mother will wait all day for him to make her something to eat but after that meal is made the drinking starts.


    When I took my father for a drive I could smell the booze off his breath from drinking the night before and I know from when I drank ,that alcohol is a depressant that interferes with sleep. Also because I have a depressive disorder I know that sleeping during the day, watching television for hours during the day and drinking excessively all contribute to depression.


    What my dad doesn’t realize is that the more stubborn he becomes the quicker he is going to end up in assisted living and it’s totally heart breaking. I can’t seem to get through to them.


    It’s inevitable that they are in the stages of dying. I don’t want them to go to assisted living but I also don’t want them to die at home all alone. Death IS part of life but it sure is difficult.


    You did luck out Lara but I’m sure it was still difficult.


    My heart goes to all those who have had to go through this.

  6. #51
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    3,976
    Quote Originally Posted by RadishRose View Post
    Keesha, my parents never became elderly, so I have no experience to offer you.

    However, in your father's case of not showering, I have a few questions:

    Do you think he's afraid to fall in the shower?
    Are there grab bars ?
    Is it difficult for him to step up and over the side of the tub getting in and out?
    Is the hot water adequate?
    Does he shiver until he gets himself towel-dried?

    A big terry cloth robe to put on as soon as he comes out will keep him warm while he towels legs, & etc.
    Maybe one of those shower seats placed in the tub will help.

    Tell the home health aid to stay near him and comb his hair back into a pony tail immediately.

    When I worked in insurance claims, I heard about a water damage claim someone filed. Gramps lived with the family and was not ill or weak at all. The fam went on a brief vacation. Gramps had a heart attack while in the shower and died, his body blocking the drain and water overflowed, flooded the bathroom and caused a lot of damage.

    Edit to say- if he drinks a lot maybe he's afraid to get in the shower tipsy, then forgets when sober?

    You bring up some good points. He may very well be afraid of falling in the shower.
    I do believe that the basement shower has a grab bar in it but this weekend I will look and make sure. That’s a good question .


    It is might be difficult for him to step in and out of the shower since he’s so crippled now.


    The hot water is definitely adequate and he had a big terry cloth robe to put on after the shower AND has medically trained staff there everyday to help him.


    I don’t think their shower downstairs is big enough for a shower seat but you raise a good point. If he needs both hands to wash his hair yet needs one hand to hold himself up, I am starting to understand perhaps why he’s not showering.


    My mother has been talking about turning their whirlpool bath tub upstairs into a walk in shower with bars and a seat. This is a very good idea RaddishRose.


    From the smell of his breath he might still be tipsy from drinking when he wakes up.


    Do you know that if it weren’t for some of you here at this site I’m not sure if I could do this. You really do help more than you will ever know and I thank you kindly.

  7. #52
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    4
    My mom suffered a stroke. She has been recovering for a very long time, but can't do it completely. Exercise and daily development of the left leg and arm have become a way of life. It's true that people say that older people are like children. Every time the nurse or I had to convince her that it was necessary and she must endure the pain she felt. After a partial recovery, I had to take her to the care home. I was convinced that they would take care of her and the restoration would go even faster.When I came to see her according to the plan, I was shocked to see her crying. Her left arm hung like a whip. I can't believe it. In general, I had to pick her up from there. Long searches of the nurse for mom weren't crowned with success. One day I came across Devoted Home Care service https://www.devotedhc.com/. Now my mother gets all the necessary professional physical therapy. She became much more cheerful. Also, I noticed the progress in her movements. I'm so glad about that. Therefore, I would never advise anyone to send parents to care homes. These are terrible places.

Page 4 of 4 FirstFirst ... 234
Please reply to this thread with any new information or opinions.

Similar Threads

  1. Long Term Care insurance
    By Marie5656 in forum Health Insurance
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 02-02-2018, 05:40 AM
  2. Do You Have A Long Term Care POlicy?
    By Lon in forum Health Insurance
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 12-26-2016, 06:54 AM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-08-2016, 04:15 AM
  4. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-29-2015, 04:44 AM
  5. Number of old people forced into care homes soars
    By Gael in forum Current News and Hot Topics
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 03-13-2014, 11:38 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Family & Health Forums: Pet Forums - Health Forum