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The jokes only thread....

  1. #121
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    NYS and Florida winters
    Posts
    13,505
    Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
    Where do they all go?
    Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and
    lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed
    to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate
    contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life.
    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and their social
    circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using only their vestigial wings and beaks,
    until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
    After packing the ice back in the hole, the male penguins then gather in a circle
    around the fresh grave and sing:
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?


    It's so easy to fool OLD people!
    I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!
    Oh, quit whining; I fell for it, too...
    If a number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

  2. #122
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    523
    Why is it still #2? Because it's real hard nosed & the #1 is a real softy.

  3. #123
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Phila.Pa
    Posts
    6,783
    Quote Originally Posted by Pappy View Post
    Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
    Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?
    Where do they all go?
    Wonder no more! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird and
    lives an extremely ordered and complex life. Penguins are extremely committed
    to their family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate
    contact with their offspring throughout the remainder of their life.
    If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and their social
    circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using only their vestigial wings and beaks,
    until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
    After packing the ice back in the hole, the male penguins then gather in a circle
    around the fresh grave and sing:
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
    You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?
    It's so easy to fool OLD people!
    I am sorry, an urge came over me that made me do it!!!
    Oh, quit whining; I fell for it, too...
    223573kltf6qjwuh.gif

  4. #124
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Phila.Pa
    Posts
    6,783
    New Technology

    A woman is pregnant and goes to the hospital with her husband. Once there, the

    doctors tell her about new technology

    that will give some of her pain to the baby's father.She and the husband are up for it,

    and when she starts to give birth,

    20% of the pain is transferred to the husband.He feels nothing, so he figures he might

    as well take as much of his wife's

    pain away as possible.The wife gives birth painlessly, and she and her husband go

    home with their new baby.

    And the mailman is passed out on the porch.




  5. #125
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    East Anglia
    Posts
    120
    ...got hit in the back of his head by a flying stork,did he,Sassycakes?....

    I realised today just how much this planet hates me.

    ...I peeled a banana...and it was empty!

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