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Just senior humor

  1. #136
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    Jun 2014
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    Phila.Pa
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    An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years,
    is shocked when the woman's doctor
    says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right,
    and never, EVER have sex again - the strain would be too much.

    The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however,


    and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.

    This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the
    stairs - she's coming downstairs, he's heading up.

    "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering.
    "I was about to commit suicide."

    "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!

  2. #137
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  3. #138
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    Nov 2014
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    Texas
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    There are two theories to arguing with a woman, ... Neither works.

  4. #139
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    Jun 2014
    Location
    Connecticut USA
    Posts
    15,848

  5. #140
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    Jun 2014
    Location
    Phila.Pa
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  6. #141
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    Jun 2014
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    Phila.Pa
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    You Know You Are Old When...Death
    You know you are old when you don’t think about dying because it’s the last thing you want to do.
    You know you are old when eating right and exercising means you’re going die anyway.
    You know you are old when you live each day as it was your last. You’ll get it right someday.
    You know you are old when you read the obituary to check on your friends.

    You Know You Are Old When... Retirement
    You know you are old when your investment in health insurance has paid off.
    You know you are old when you say goodbye to tension and hello to pension.
    You know you are old when your only problem with retirement is that you never get a day off.
    You know you are old when you get into heated arguments about pension plans.


    You Know You Are Old When... Relationships
    You know you are old when you still got it, but don’t know what to do with it.
    You know you are old when you see a cute guy and start to calculate if you could be his mom.
    You know you are old when you keep some people’s numbers just so you know not to answer.


    You Know You Are Old When... Memory
    You know you are old when you speed because you don’t want to forget where you’re going.
    You know you are old when you’ve been diagnosed with CRS: Can’t remember shit.
    You know you are old when you stop searching for the meaning of life to focus on searching for your car keys.
    You know you are old when you just smile and nod after asking, “What?You know you are old when you look down at your watch three consecutive times and still don’t know what time it is.
    You know you are old when your secrets are safe with your friends…because they won’t remember them.
    You know you are old when you buy pills to improve your memory but forget where you put them.
    You know you are old when your brain cells are down to a manageable size.

  7. #142
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    3,948
    I've somehow missed this thread

    seems an occasional poster of mine would come into play here, at times

    “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” Emerson

  8. #143
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    Texas
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    There are two theories to arguing with a woman, ... Neither works.

  9. #144
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    Aug 2016
    Location
    Near Mount Pilot
    Posts
    6,710
    Celibacy

    What is Celibacy?
    Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

    While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

    He then addressed the men.
    “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

    Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered,
    “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?”

    And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.

  10. #145
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    Connecticut USA
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  11. #146
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    Mar 2012
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    USA
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  12. #147
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    Nov 2014
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    Texas
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    There are two theories to arguing with a woman, ... Neither works.

  13. #148
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    May 2013
    Location
    NYS and Florida winters
    Posts
    14,397
    We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

  14. #149
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    Jun 2014
    Location
    Connecticut USA
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  15. #150
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    Oct 2014
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    123
    I like the look of the guy in the other bed reading the mag. Good stuff!

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