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Terrible problem I caused and I don't know how to fix it. Need advice!

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    6,087

    Quote Originally Posted by Butterfly View Post
    WheatenLover, clearly your cousin cares about you or he would not have contacted you. I would get back to him right away and just go with the flow. I bet you are feeling a lot worse about your perceived social error than he is. Just be a friend to him NOW, that's what matters.
    Yes .. and, all of the above...and I don't see any problem that you think you may have caused.
    Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.
    - Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    PA
    Posts
    3,398
    A lot of good advice here. I have nothing to add to it, except, I wouldn’t delay another day in reaching out, if it was my cousin.
    "SEMPER FI"

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    6,242

    tech, distance and very perfuntory relationship

    I have a distant relative who until the last few years traded greeting cards and occasional email. Over the last year or so they got really into the devices like smart phone, I pad etc and linked everything to their email. So now if you don't respond in less than 24 hours 'you don't care'.

    I still treat email like a paper letter, I'll get back but not instantly. Problem is others in the family just exchange communication in texts-not calls or full blown letter but texts. I'm kind of surprised being their age but they seemed to have adapted to certain technologies.

    Personally with privacy concerns I don't like exchanging personal information including email addresses with a phone. I don't even like giving details in email unless it's official business and have told friends and family this with whom I have regular contact-as little detail as possible please. Sometimes I don't even want pronouns like sister, brother uncle etc or a name. With tech keep written conversations vague please.

    Point being there seems to be multiple issues including the use of technology, distance and actual status of the relationship. I will say if you go the tech route it will go at a much faster pace and risk. I can't keep up for costs reasons alone(more expensive reliable devices/service and don't like risking privacy/security). But the good news if you use tech you don't have to sit down and compose a letter or prepare yourself for a long conversation.

    You could say technology is a tool you use on occasion but don't dwell, give the past a mention then move on.

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Pa.
    Posts
    22,809
    I agree with most all of the advice that has been given here, but do it very shortly cause the longer you wait the harder it will become. You are really making it harder than it is in my opinion. It is the first big holiday without his wife, & I'm sure it has been an extra hard time for him.

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