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The Balance Between Civil and Pretentiousness

  1. #1
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    The Balance Between Civil and Pretentiousness

    How do you balance being civil with being genuine and authentic?




    Example: You have to tolerate someone on the holidays you don’t really like.


    How do you handle it?


    Avoid them?
    Pretend you like them?
    Merely tolerate them with as few words as possible?
    Just respect their right to be human?


    How do you balance being civil with being pretentious or can you?
    I don’t have much experience with this.

    I know what I’d like to say but my husband tells me I can’t.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    How do you balance being civil with being genuine and authentic?


    Example: You have to tolerate someone on the holidays you don’t really like.


    How do you handle it?


    Avoid them?
    Pretend you like them?
    Merely tolerate them with as few words as possible?
    Just respect their right to be human?


    How do you balance being civil with being pretentious or can you?
    I don’t have much experience with this.

    I know what I’d like to say but my husband tells me I can’t.
    This is why they probably invented manners and courtesy. I just be polite and might make some small talk.

    Pretentiousness is one thing but I can't stand fake interest or flatout butt kissing in a closed circle or family setting. Some people would be better left not saying a word. Once adults are tossing around these thoughts I'd say there's a problem and it ain't going to go away anytime soon. Nor should it.

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by WhatInThe View Post
    This is why they probably invented manners and courtesy. I just be polite and might make some small talk.

    Pretentiousness is one thing but I can't stand fake interest or flatout butt kissing in a closed circle or family setting. Some people would be better left not saying a word. Once adults are tossing around these thoughts I'd say there's a problem and it ain't going to go away anytime soon. Nor should it.

    Yes I DO understand the manners and courtesy thing. I AM polite . I AM respectful to these people but sometimes it’s difficult especially if it’s family. I usually try and stay clear of family drama but sometimes it’s difficult to bite my tongue and when it comes to that I guess I’ll just stay clear of them.
    I cant do the pretentious thing. It’s just not me.

  4. #4
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    I think I'm in Florida, but I'm not sure any more......my GPS blew away.
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    I just bite my tongue until it's down to a stub and hope it grows back in time for next year. I have some pretentious relatives. I say "how nice!" a lot.
    If we're ever in a situation where I am "the voice of reason", then we are in a very, very bad situation.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keesha View Post
    Yes I DO understand the manners and courtesy thing. I AM polite . I AM respectful to these people but sometimes it’s difficult especially if it’s family. I usually try and stay clear of family drama but sometimes it’s difficult to bite my tongue and when it comes to that I guess I’ll just stay clear of them.
    I cant do the pretentious thing. It’s just not me.
    I have family like that. The older the family gets the worse things get it seems. In some respects I'm glad because you get to see someone's true colors(for me a confirmation, not a revelation) Also get to see the alliances & clicks with in the family-some new some old. Alot of things are easier explained when you see true colors ie why someone is a drug addict, divorced, sick, broke or alone-the most pretentious family member just by coincidence is alone with family not wanting to live with or near them.

  6. #6
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    Mar 2018
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    Canada
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    Exactly! It’s a once a year thing and I think I’m just overly stressed and was taking this FAR too seriously.
    And to be honest , these people are small fry compared to dealing with MY own family.

    Oh thank you so much. You people do truly help. I thought I’d be stuck on this for a while but I’m good now.
    I could have caused an unnecessary scene and made matters worse but didn’t.

    Yayyy.


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