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I Think I'm Falling Out of Love

  1. #16
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Posts
    3,234
    Was going to say different things, but, will say this: My wife and I were BOTH "marriage minded" when we met. Actually, I'd been divorced for some 21 years and hated being single. I really missed looking down at my left hand and seeing a wedding band on it. Obviously I didn't ask for my divorce, but later was very, very glad it happened.



    Some of us have excellent relationships that turn into marriage, like I did with my wife. Same interests and very, very compatible. She had no problem leaving her family to move to Colorado.

    Bottom Line.....find the right man, if that's what you truly want.
    Love Rocky Mountain And Yellowstone National Parks

  2. #17
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Houston Y'all
    Posts
    3,544
    Leann--I have nothing to add to what others have already expressed, except maybe that you should take it slow and without a lot of drama. You said you have known each other for years so there's no need to make any dramatic exits or cut him totally out of your life. Hopefully the relationship can naturally ease back into a friendship with no hard feelings; the physical distance should make things easier to deal with. You are wise to take off the rose-colored glasses and see the reality of the situation. Good luck to you.

    “The United States has become a place where entertainers and professional athletes are mistaken for people of importance.” -- Robert Heinlein

  3. #18
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    6,474
    Sorry to hear but 120 miles apart, procrastinates and your ages say walk away or be happy with the status quo.

    It sounds like he wants company or someone he can call his girlfriend or significant other. Marriage for status even without money is important to many people. No marriage keeps things flexible including doing what you like or want.

    Good Luck

  4. #19
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    1,189
    .

    Don't get married until you are absolutely sure the two of you are compatible on a day to day basis.

    While he may be a great guy... he may not be the guy for you.

    Based on what you posted, apparently his lifestyle and expectations and yours don't match.

    .

  5. #20
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    141
    Leann, always trust your intuition... don't second guess yourself and good luck.

  6. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    3,972
    Seems Leann has fallen out of her thread....

    prolly after reading this;


    Quote Originally Posted by Trade View Post
    You already know the answer to your question Leann. You don't need validation from anyone else.
    “Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air.” Emerson

  7. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Posts
    6,291
    Quote Originally Posted by Gary O' View Post
    Seems Leann has fallen out of her thread....

    prolly after reading this;
    After reading her other posts I think this was a bit of a shock to her even though instinctly she knew it wasn’t going to work.
    Maybe she needs a bit of adjusting time.
    http://www.seniorforums.com/showthre...474#post928474

  8. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Posts
    3
    Hi there. I think we all get to this stage at one point or another. However i've found talking to someone other than close friends sometimes helps. If you need. Feel free to reach out anytime. Even a few shreds of wisdom from a stranger sometimes helps. Regards, Max

  9. #24
    Hi Folks,
    Sorry, I didn't mean to go silent for a while. I thank you for all of the wonderful advice and took all of it to heart. After I posted my original message, I emailed Joe (the man that is the subject of all of this) and thoughtfully laid out the issues. The goal was to be clear but not critical. I told him that I couldn't move forward with the relationship as it currently stood so any thought of possible marriage, my moving to be with him or my frequent visits to help clean up his place were off the table. I love him but I know that I can't change him. Any changes that he needs to make have to be initiated by him because it's important to him, not to me or anyone else. He explained that some days he just doesn't know where to start, so he winds up not doing anything. I'm the opposite. I'll look at what needs to be done and then try to break it into manageable pieces until it's finished.

    As I've said, he's a really good guy in so many ways and I admire many of his qualities. But he's in a deep, deep rut that I think is actually comfortable for him. So, we've redefined our relationship for now as great friends but nothing more. It feels like it's the way it should be.

  10. #25
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    36,536
    Thanks for the update Leann, seems like he's making excuses, glad you decided to just be friends. I wonder though if your 'love' for him is merely caring about him and feeling sorry for him because you're a kind person. Regardless, good luck, he's not the only possibility for a good relationship.

  11. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by SeaBreeze View Post
    Thanks for the update Leann, seems like he's making excuses, glad you decided to just be friends. I wonder though if your 'love' for him is merely caring about him and feeling sorry for him because you're a kind person. Regardless, good luck, he's not the only possibility for a good relationship.
    Thank you, SeaBreeze, I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I do care about him and I feel sorry for him. I came to realize that this can't form the basis of a romantic relationship, though.

  12. #27
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,805
    There are different kinds of "Love". The one I think you have is "brotherly love" mixed with a little "motherly love". You have a history since you were kids...thus the feeling of brotherly love. He needs a motherly-someone to take care of him and his things. Someone to motivate him which might be impossible since you've tried and he's not doing his part.

    He seems like a nice guy but has symptoms of clinical depression it seems to me. Typical as we get older apparently because every time I visit my doctor for an annual physical the first thing she asks me is if I'm depressed. No. Maybe that's a requirement to ask from Medicare. Next question is if I've fallen in the last few months. No (except when I slipped on a log under a covering of fall leaves while I was raking and blowing leaves off 1/2 acre...and again when I slipped on pine needles on the embankment trying to remove something halfway down...not a balance problem...stupidity problem, yes lol).

    It may be old school now but Prozac was all the rage a decade or two ago. I never hear about it anymore. But it really motivated people to get out of their rut. Maybe like other meds it was abused or over prescribed and thus thrown out.

    I don't know how old you are or how lonely you may have become, if you're an older senior, but I saw a recent movie with Jane Fonda and Robert Redford called "Our Souls at Night". Some people get rather creative with their relationships...like companions. It doesn't have to be about sex or romantic love or marriage...more about friendship. But with that said, I would still keep your distance and not let him use you to fix his house or mother him. That's not what you need.
    PS. I didn't see the end of the movie because I got bored lol.


  13. #28
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    2,286
    Quote Originally Posted by Lara View Post

    I don't know how old you are or how lonely you may have become, if you're an older senior, but I saw a recent movie with Jane Fonda and Robert Redford called "Our Souls at Night". Some people get rather creative with their relationships...like companions. It doesn't have to be about sex or romantic love or marriage...more about friendship. But with that said, I would still keep your distance and not let him use you to fix his house or mother him. That's not what you need.
    PS. I didn't see the end of the movie because I got bored lol.

    Lara, I really liked your post. And I like Jane Fonda and Robert Rdfdord and the way you described the movie, and so i'm going to make a point of watching it, even though it got you bored. . Thanks, Lara.

  14. #29
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Nashville TN
    Posts
    1,032
    I saw the movie. It was cute. The ending was not what I expected.

    He explained that some days he just doesn't know where to start, so he winds up not doing anything.
    This is almost word for word what Ed would say about how his home got to be the mess it was. However even after I sorted and organized and cleaned and purged in each room of his house, at his request, he STILL didn't keep up what I did. He would just pile stuff up again in those same rooms till I came over and took care of it. I thought perhaps he just let it go because he knew I'd deal with it when I came over. But then after we stopped being a couple, we'd still get together as friends from time to time. I was over at his house a number of times, and by the last time I was there it had reverted almost completely back to the messy, cluttered and unorganized state it was when I first started helping him sort through his stuff.

    So I call BS on the "I don't know where to start/I'm overwhelmed/it's too much" excuse.
    Everything is always OK in the end. If it's not, then it's not the end!

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