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Over 80, Is it better alone or with someone?

  1. #1
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    Over 80, Is it better alone or with someone?

    This was asked on a previous thread. This one is for the octogenarians. Would you remarry, cohabitate or stay single?

  2. #2
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    Stay single. In case he died first, I couldn't handle more grief .

  3. #3
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    Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

    I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

    I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
    That sounds like a good arrangement. Still friends, maybe a little closer. Companionship.

  5. #5
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    Nov 2014
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    My beloved wife just passed (1-30-19). I am 82. I could never love again. My fondest wish is to be back with my baby in the hereafter.
    We are either growing or dying.

  6. #6
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    Oct 2015
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    After 60 years of marriage, being widowed for 8 years, I have
    no interest in another relationship. I am enjoying my independence
    very much.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially.

    I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
    That sounds perfect to me.

    At this point in my life, I don't want to see a U-Haul truck pulling up out front.


  8. #8
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    I don’t think I could live with someone else at this point in my life...in fact I know I can’t ....after my husband died someone that I met from Ohio moved in with me...didn’t work, lots of reasons why but a major one was I’m used to doing things my way.

    Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by CeeCee View Post
    I don’t think I could live with someone else at this point in my life...in fact I know I can’t ....after my husband died someone that I met from Ohio moved in with me...didn’t work, lots of reasons why but a major one was I’m used to doing things my way.

    Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.
    I know exactly what you mean!! That's how I would be if something happened to my o/h.

    I wouldn't want to live as a partner again with anyone.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by CeeCee View Post
    Id love to find someone that I like to do things with but ideally they would live elsewhere...not too far though...close enough so that he can come quickly when I call and say I need a smoke alarm battery changed.....just kidding...kind of.
    That's exactly the way I feel. I would love to have someone I could get out and do things with occasionally but not to live with.

  11. #11
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    I doubt I could ever get use to another persons ways at this point in my life. Truth be told, I went straight from living with my parents to getting married. Should something happen to my hubby I'd like to give living alone a try. I'm sure my kids will have other ideas. I'm grateful that they care but I'm sure their well meaning advice will make my head spin.

  12. #12
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    Feb 2018
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    About 20 years ago I saw a couple I believed to be in their 90s walking in a store parking lot holding hands. I have never forgotten that imageand wondered how long they have been together. My guess is since they were very young.

  13. #13
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    Oct 2013
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    Ruth, I went straight from my parents' home to marriage also. Probably most of us did in those days. When my husband passed away nearly 9 years ago, that was the first time I ever had to live alone. I miss him (still), but I have been surprised at how much I enjoy the independence of living alone. I have absolutely no interest in living with anyone else.

    I do know several people who have one of those "friendship" kind of relationships, where they each live in their own home, but spend lots of time together and sometimes travel together. They seem to have the best of both worlds.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
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    Alot of the same variables apply as if you were younger. Marriage is a formality. If you want to live with someone and trust them go for it. If you are really independent stay single until incapacitated. Alot of insurance pays for light routine home care now a days. Get your doctor to prescribe it if assistance is what you are really worried about.

  15. #15
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    Apr 2017
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    Southern AZ
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tommy View Post
    Several years after my wife's father died, her mother started keeping company with a long time family friend who was a widower. They each still lived in their own homes, but they spent a lot of time together. Met most mornings at a local cafe for breakfast, often did activities during the day, and frequently would share supper and watch TV in the evenings. It was an excellent arrangement as it kept both of them active - physically, mentally, and socially. I believe this probably worked particularly well for them because they (the two couples) had been good friends for decades prior to losing their spouses. Both also had family in the area.
    I am 76 now, in my 60's that is exactly what I wanted to find, a platonic "buddy" like your MIL found. I never had any luck with romantic relationships, and when I tried getting ''just friends'' the guy would get insulted. Now in my 70's I've become even more of a loner and set in my ways and I also would be very heartbroken if a friend died on me. So, at this point in my life I prefer to be alone except for the company of my cats. Life is good as long as I can be independent and able to take care of myself.

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