DIL in self imposed lockdown....still

Rose65 said:
It's a pity but I do understand both sides.
I had to be very brave to begin going anywhere again as I was terrified of getting sick again. I do go out but still very limited compared to pre-covid. The whole thing has affected many people very profoundly, we really were all very very frightened. I am only just coming out of the deepest depression.
So it is hard for you and them.

One point is I believe my immune system is stronger now, by mixing with others. Staying home may mean they eventually can never come out safely. Just my view.
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I agree with your view. After three years, it's going to be a tough go for anyone's immune system if it has been protected to the extent theirs has.
 

I wonder how long it will be until the husband gets sick of staying home. I would think it’s taking a toll on the relationship. He may grow resentful because of missing things especially with family. Once someone is gone there’s no going back.

I don’t know anyone that is still isolating even people with cancer. The Dil needs therapy to get over her irrational fear.

I just noticed that the OP mentions that the Dil said she wishes she was dead so it appears that she is very depressed. Your son should definitely try to get her into therapy and she may need an anti depressant to help her.
 

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Teacher Terry, you certainly have hit the nail on the head. BTW, she is in therapy but I think she needs to change therapists as she has been seeing this person for many years and still no change in her outlook on things.
 
Lost in all this is the DIL is immunocompromised, The condition recognized by the son & has been going on for 4 years.

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"My DIL is immunocompromised and hasn't been to a restaurant in four years."

As a threat to well being this is an explanation

Why Immunocompromisation Is a Health Risk
Immunocompromisation is a way to describe a weak immune system. When your immune system is weakened, your body can’t fight off viruses, bacteria, or fungi very well. This can lead to serious infections and can pose a major health risk.

Many different types of immune system disorders can cause health problems. An overactive immune system, for example, can cause asthma, allergies, and autoimmune diseases, where your immune system attacks your body’s own tissue instead of bacteria or viruses.‌‌

Immunocompromisation is generally the result of diseases or medical treatments that leave you with a weak immune system unable to fight infections. Immunocompromisation is sometimes also called immunodeficiency.‌
What Does Immunocompromised Mean?

Whether or not the son tires of his wife's needs at some point IMO isn't relative to the "want" of the OP at this time. A need is something that is needed to survive. A want is something that an individual desires, but would be able to live without.

If it were possible I'd shake the hand of the son for caring for the needs of his wife. Forgotten to often is "in sickness & health"
 
Well, it is what it is. I will leave it at that. There is much more to this story, but I certainly won't go into that. When I posted my original post, I was just venting. Certainly didn't expect all the responses from all those who don't know the whole story. I do, however, appreciate all your well meaning responses.
 
Serenity said:
Teacher Terry, you certainly have hit the nail on the head. BTW, she is in therapy but I think she needs to change therapists as she has been seeing this person for many years and still no change in her outlook on things.
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My husband was clinically depressed for just on ten years. He received excellent care from our GP and was referred to a psychologist and a psychiatrist, but they were unable to relieve his condition. At one stage he made an unsuccessful suicide attempt and was hospitalised. After that I prepared myself for a second more successful attempt that I knew I could do nothing to prevent.

In the end, the depression lifted from him more or less spontaneously. We cannot do much to cure people suffering from mental ill health. All we can do is stick by them until things resolve themselves, one way or the other.
 
Serenity said:
Well, it is what it is. I will leave it at that. There is much more to this story, but I certainly won't go into that. When I posted my original post, I was just venting. Certainly didn't expect all the responses from all those who don't know the whole story. I do, however, appreciate all your well meaning responses.
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That is always the case - other posters obviously only know what you post and not the "whole story" - and of course only get your one side or perspective of the situation.
 
It's so easy to jump to the wrong conclusions. Your DIL's problem might have very little to do with Covid, and could be agoraphobia or any number of other psychological conditions, or physical problems. I'd just take them at their word, and send them a nice picture after the event.

And have a happy birthday, celebrating with those who can attend!
 
Serenity said:
My DIL is immunocompromised and hasn't been to a restaurant in four years. She and my son basically go nowhere and do nothing except go do docs. My 80th birthday is coming up and my husband, daughter and myself will be going out to a nice restaurant for a nice dinner. This restaurant has widely spaced tables and high ceilings with fans.

Of course, I wanted my son there as it is the BIG one. He and his wife have declined stating that they don't go to restaurants because of covid. In the past couple years I know she hasn't been to an indoor restaurant, but I thought he had. I said "so you won't come even for your mother's 80th". He said, "that's right". I guess I never really got how someone can go to such extremes.

I cannot live that way. They have no friends due to this bizarre thinking. Not like I'm asking them to go out every night for food and drinks to the local pub. Just asking them to join us for maybe a couple hours for my BD. She thinks the risk is too high. I say she would say that if it was 0%. Sorry for venting..
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Would she go to an outdoor restaurant?

I'm sorry this is so extreme to you. She just doesn't want to die young. Do you know of anyone who died or was hospitalized with Covid? I don't know anyone who died from it, but I was hospitalized before the vaccine was available for a non-Covid reason and I was scared the whole time that I would get it in the hospital and be harmed by it. I was on a lot of pain meds though, so I mostly slept more than worried. I do know of one person who caught Covid pre-vaccine and was on a ventilator for a short while in the hospital. I'm sure everyone he knew was terrified for him.

I hope you can forgive her. She takes things seriously. I have people in my life who also think I take matters too seriously. I think they are far too frivolous, shallow and even callous. We will never agree, and so it goes. People don't always have to agree to still be friendly and work together.
 
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Knight said:
You must be very happy that your son puts his wife 1st. since that what a good marriage is about. For him her known health condition should & does take precedence over your want to celebrate your birthday with him present.

People look for ways to define love. I think your son displays that by his devotion to his wife & her real needs.
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We should all be so lucky to have a partner like that.
 


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