Treat em mean, keep em keen,....(spoken by those savvy in the game of love perhaps?)!

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
"I once had a girlfriend", (I called her a girlfriend anyway?)!

She used the thread title phrase quite alot whilst we were supposedly together, and maybe she did when she was first courting, before she married and had her family, twenty years before I knew her, (she'd split up from her husband a couple of years before too, though still loved him when I first met her, even though he'd been unfaithful for many years).

Anyway, I suspect there is something in her words, that keeping your partner keen or on their toes does pay off sometimes, and it isn't a good thing to be or appear to be too much of a pushover in many things in life, including love I guess, (what do you think?). :unsure:
 

"Treat 'em mean"?? Nope. But I am reminded of the old , bad joke

Question: What do you say to a woman who comes to you with 2 black eyes?
Answer: Nothing. She's already been told twice.

Sorry.
 

grahamg said:
"I once had a girlfriend", (I called her a girlfriend anyway?)!

She used the thread title phrase quite alot whilst we were supposedly together, and maybe she did when she was first courting, before she married and had her family, twenty years before I knew her, (she'd split up from her husband a couple of years before too, though still loved him when I first met her, even though he'd been unfaithful for many years).

Anyway, I suspect there is something in her words, that keeping your partner keen or on their toes does pay off sometimes, and it isn't a good thing to be or appear to be too much of a pushover in many things in life, including love I guess, (what do you think?). :unsure:
Click to expand...
If a partner chose to keep me "keen and on my toes", that partner would very quickly be looking for another partner, because I'd be out of there.

Keeping a relationship interesting and fun is one thing, but I would have zero interest in entertaining a relationship where I felt my partner was conducting themselves in such a way so as to keep me on my toes, keep me thinking, and keep me "keen".

Love, as in true love, can't be bought, nor can it be forced, and love is not something where one partner out of the two plays the role of an absolute ruler, where he or she plays the other like a fiddle.

"Keeping a partner keen and on their toes"... that to me sounds like a form of manipulation, and in a lot of ways it is.

Anyone with that sort of mentality and approach to a relationship, would have a hard time holding down a rewarding union with anyone, hence why your old girlfriend couldn't hold a marriage down.
 
Aunt Marg said:
If a partner chose to keep me "keen and on my toes", that partner would very quickly be looking for another partner, because I'd be out of there. Keeping a relationship interesting and fun is one thing, but I would have zero interest in entertaining a relationship where I felt my partner was conducting themselves in such a way so as to keep me on my toes, keep me thinking, and keep me "keen". Love, as in true love, can't be bought, nor can it be forced, and love is not something where one partner out of the two plays the role of an absolute ruler, where he or she plays the other like a fiddle. "Keeping a partner keen and on their toes"... that to me sounds like a form of manipulation, and in a lot of ways it is. Anyone with that sort of mentality and approach to a relationship, would have a hard time holding down a rewarding union with anyone, hence why your old girlfriend couldn't hold a marriage down.
Click to expand...
I can't blame someone who undoubtedly loved their husband for the failure of the marriage just because she may sometimes have used words to test him before they were married, and he'd have known darn well how much she loved him when he chose to stray wouldn't he! I do accept he may have remembered her trying to manipulate him a little, but he did go on to pass her in that regard many times over, and she'd forgiven him once for his affair, (it restarted again though, and he eventually married this woman).
 
grahamg said:
I can't blame someone who undoubtedly loved their husband for the failure of the marriage just because she may sometimes have used words to test him before they were married, and he'd have known darn well how much she loved him when he chose to stray wouldn't he! I do accept he may have remembered her trying to manipulate him a little, but he did go on to pass her in that regard many times over, and she'd forgiven him once for his affair, (it restarted again though, and he eventually married this woman).
Click to expand...
My guess is your old girlfriend tried manipulating her ex-husband A LOT.
 
If manipulation is needed to keep a relationship together, then (in my opinion) it was never meant to be. I get that same thought when I hear songs that say something along the lines of "I am going to make you love me" or similar. We don't control the other person. If s/he doesn't choose on his or her own to be with me, it isn't my place to manipulate or force that person to do my bidding.

Tony
 
Aunt Marg said:
My guess is your old girlfriend tried manipulating her ex-husband A LOT.
Click to expand...
She might have done it often enough but believe me she did love him with all her heart, and she was not a nasty sort of person at all, and I'd hope you might have liked her, even if at times she might behave foolishly.
Her husband worked in television circles, and started his affair with someone he met at work, (a familiar theme as we know), and he more or less ran a double life for about half their sixteen year marriage, and she just got taken in I'm afraid by his plausible excuses as to why work was taking him away during the holiday periods etc.
 
Last edited:
tbeltrans said:
If manipulation is needed to keep a relationship together, then (in my opinion) it was never meant to be. I get that same thought when I hear songs that say something along the lines of "I am going to make you love me" or similar. We don't control the other person. If s/he doesn't choose on his or her own to be with me, it isn't my place to manipulate or force that person to do my bidding. Tony
Click to expand...
Here is perhaps how far back this kind of thing goes:
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/cleopatra-was-right-treat-them-mean-keep-them-keen-f9l7s909x#:~:text=When Cleopatra sought to manipulate,do: she ignored his letters.

And here's an expert saying the same things, ("so it must be right"! :rolleyes::whistle: ):
https://thetab.com/uk/2017/07/31/a-...ep-them-keen-is-foolproof-dating-advice-44371
 
grahamg said:
She might have done it often enough but believe me she did love him with all her heart, and she was not a nasty sort of person at all, and I'd hope you might have liked her, even if at time she might behave foolishly.
Her husband worked in television circles, and started his affair with someone he met at work, (a familiar theme as we know), and he more or less ran a double life for about half their sixteen year marriage, and she just got taken in I'm afraid by his plausible excuses as o why work was taking him away during the holiday periods etc.
Click to expand...
Marriages and relationships are a funny thing, they either work, or they don't.
 
grahamg said:
Here is perhaps how far back this kind of thing goes:
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/cleopatra-was-right-treat-them-mean-keep-them-keen-f9l7s909x#:~:text=When Cleopatra sought to manipulate,do: she ignored his letters.

And here's an expert saying the same things, ("so it must be right"! :rolleyes::whistle: ):
https://thetab.com/uk/2017/07/31/a-...ep-them-keen-is-foolproof-dating-advice-44371
Click to expand...
I stand by what I said because I believe in simply respecting the other person as an equal with his or her own freedom of choice, just as I expect to have allowed for me. No article will change my mind, nor will the so-called "experts". To me, it is simply a matter of human decency, which I believe our country needs in a big way, especially these days.

Tony
 
grahamg said:
Anyone lasting over ten or fifteen years has my admiration, (as mine only lasted seven years! :sneaky::cry::eek:;):) ).
Click to expand...
I blame many-a failed marriage on a false set of principals or ideals that were established long ago.

Those ideals or principals are as follows;

- Find a mate
- Get married
- Start a family
- Live happily ever after

I can't believe how many people have bought into it and continue buying into it.
 
I'm sure those marriages don't last by being mean. Although my father is an absolute ahole to my mom and she stays. *Shrugs*
 
tbeltrans said:
I stand by what I said because I believe in simply respecting the other person as an equal with his or her own freedom of choice, just as I expect to have allowed for me. No article will change my mind, nor will the so-called "experts". To me, it is simply a matter of human decency, which I believe our country needs in a big way, especially these days.
Tony
Click to expand...
My dad did say though, that "getting married was like stepping into a boxing ring", (in that you had to be ready for anything perhaps or certainly to keep your own psyche intact, and not be dominated), so "equal" can mean so many things, and yet it appears such a simple word doesn't it(?)

I could argue nothing in this world is truly equal, but overall I'm in agreement with you, because my parents formed a team, and a successful partnership where each needed the other "equally", (.....I can go for that kind of equality at least). :).
 
I had one of those first time round, showed his true colours when we were wed.....sorry but he didn’t last long....end off.....booted out......
 
Aunt Marg said:
I blame many-a failed marriage on a false set of principals or ideals that were established long ago.

Those ideals or principals are as follows;

- Find a mate
- Get married
- Start a family
- Live happily ever after

I can't believe how many people have bought into it and continue buying into it.
Click to expand...
In the case of my wife and I, we met in night school. She sat in front of me. We were friends for several years before dating and getting married. For us, it just seemed to flow in that direction. I agree with your points because the "Find a mate" thing is typically forced - find a spouse who is willing to conform to your needs (i.e. be a dutiful and compliant wife, be a guy with a bright future and big income). To me, problems often stem from trying to make another person conform to what we want that person to be, when all the while, that person has the inherent right to be who s/he really is. Again, that comes back to just common human decency.

Tony
 
Some more expert opinion to wind us all up:

‘Treat them mean keep them keen’ – why do mean guys get the girls?

https://www.unimedliving.com/women/...hem-keen-why-do-mean-guys-get-the-girls-.html

As a woman it’s rather concerning that sayings like ‘Treat them mean keep them keen’ exist, and even more alarming that there may actually be some truth to it. Some women do have a tendency to go for the ‘player’ – the unavailable and in some cases the outright abusive guy – over the tender, sensitive and loving one. It would appear that some of us are more comfortable being in a relationship where we aren’t treated with the love, adoration and respect that each of us deserves.
 
grahamg said:
Some more expert opinion to wind us all up:

‘Treat them mean keep them keen’ – why do mean guys get the girls?

https://www.unimedliving.com/women/...hem-keen-why-do-mean-guys-get-the-girls-.html

As a woman it’s rather concerning that sayings like ‘Treat them mean keep them keen’ exist, and even more alarming that there may actually be some truth to it. Some women do have a tendency to go for the ‘player’ – the unavailable and in some cases the outright abusive guy – over the tender, sensitive and loving one. It would appear that some of us are more comfortable being in a relationship where we aren’t treated with the love, adoration and respect that each of us deserves.
Click to expand...
I can't tell you how many women I know and have talked to, and how many stories I have read and heard about surrounding this exact thing, and nearly all regret their "bad boy" choice.
 
charry said:
My friend had been married to a pig for 43 yrs , I just don’t understand it ...🥴😕
Click to expand...
Well I know they love each other. My dad just thinks he knows everything and he's irritable all the time. Has been all our lives. She just tells him to shut up and goes on. They've managed to make it work through him having an affair and everything. I would've kicked his butt to the curb years ago but they didn't do those things too much back then.
 
grahamg said:
My dad did say though, that "getting married was like stepping into a boxing ring", (in that you had to be ready for anything perhaps or certainly to keep your own psyche intact, and not be dominated), so "equal" can mean so many things, and yet it appears such a simple word doesn't it(?)

I could argue nothing in this world is truly equal, but overall I'm in agreement with you, because my parents formed a team, and a successful partnership where each needed the other "equally", (.....I can go for that kind of equality at least). :).
Click to expand...
You do have to be ready for anything, but in a marriage there is a basic underlying trust that (I believe) must be present. If one person is always wondering if the other person is going to cheat, that will color the marriage in unhealthy ways, for example. Your spouse is your partner, not above or below you in any sort of ranking order. You are there when the other person needs you.

As an example, in all our years of marriage, we only took one vacation. All the rest of the time, we had to save our vacation and sick time for when my wife was in the hospital. Also, I had to make a decent income to cover her medical bills. Then, later on, when I started having health issues, my wife had to take me to the VA and visit me in the hospital. We took turns taking care of each other. Neither of us cheated on the other and we have always had that basic trust that no matter what, we would be there for each other. These are important ingredients for a successful marriage, in my opinion.

Tony
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top