Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
A very good friend of mine many years ago was questioned by her doctor I think it was, (maybe it was the local vicar/minister/priest?), about whether or not as humans we are alone, my friend asserting we are, and we all know we leave this world alone dont we, (i.e. no one will be able to take your place or go with you! ).

Its hard for me to say who I believe is my family, or at least this has become the case during the last five years, concerning my immediate family/siblings, but my extended family are just as good as ever, and I had a great chat with a cousin last night, (well cousin's daughter actually, so second cousin), who became a mum for the first time six months ago.

As you get older you probably consider your friends as part of your family, at least those who you've known almost a lifetime, so we'll/I'll include them in a sense in "my family", or at least those I expect to call or see through business fairly regularly as time goes on, or without interruption I mean. 👨‍🦳🧙‍♂️

Then there are our ex.'s, where do they fit in if anywhere, for example where the splitting was amicable? Do they wish to be called once a year or every couple of years, or vice versa, maybe if we are having a rough time of some kind? :unsure:

Finally our "online friends", well we all know they/we are not real friends, its all pretend isn't it, (or is it? :whistle: ).
 

I am sure that when I get old enough, I will be meeting new friends every day even though they are probably the same people I greeted as new friends yesterday. :unsure:

My family was never close, so there are only a couple of siblings I seem to remain in occasional contact with. I was never particularly a "social butterfly", but do have a few former co-workers that I keep in touch with (or did before COVID-19).

I do agree that we go out of this world alone even if there are people around when we die. Other than with twins or triplets, we come into the world alone too. However, that simply is the way it is, so I don't see that as particularly good or bad.

Tony
 
grahamg said:
A very good friend of mine many years ago was questioned by her doctor I think it was, (maybe it was the local vicar/minister/priest?), about whether or not as humans we are alone, my friend asserting we are, and we all know we leave this world alone dont we, (i.e. no one will be able to take your place or go with you! ).

Its hard for me to say who I believe is my family, or at least this has become the case during the last five years, concerning my immediate family/siblings, but my extended family are just as good as ever, and I had a great chat with a cousin last night, (well cousin's daughter actually, so second cousin), who became a mum for the first time six months ago.

As you get older you probably consider your friends as part of your family, at least those who you've known almost a lifetime, so we'll/I'll include them in a sense in "my family", or at least those I expect to call or see through business fairly regularly as time goes on, or without interruption I mean. 👨‍🦳🧙‍♂️

Then there are our ex.'s, where do they fit in if anywhere, for example where the splitting was amicable? Do they wish to be called once a year or every couple of years, or vice versa, maybe if we are having a rough time of some kind? :unsure:

Finally our "online friends", well we all know they/we are not real friends, its all pretend isn't it, (or is it? :whistle: ).
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This is a hard one to tackle but thought I would sit a bit and ponder on the above. On the other hand, perhaps I won't as too many thoughts came to mind and no reason to share such...so think I'll simply bundle up and go and hug one of the horses.
 

My mother's tactic was to isolate the kids and my stepfather from his family. My mother was an immigrant so she had no family here. This is something abusive people and people with my mother's condition do. She would have never known or acknowledge the damage this did.

I'm absolutely alone. My stepfather is alive but he is a burden to me. Something I won't tell him. He put up with my mother's abuse and enabled her abuse of me. I still don't want to bother or torture him about it in his old age. My one brother became an abuser himself. I say forget family.
 
tbeltrans said:
I am sure that when I get old enough, I will be meeting new friends every day even though they are probably the same people I greeted as new friends yesterday. :unsure:

My family was never close, so there are only a couple of siblings I seem to remain in occasional contact with. I was never particularly a "social butterfly", but do have a few former co-workers that I keep in touch with (or did before COVID-19).

I do agree that we go out of this world alone even if there are people around when we die. Other than with twins or triplets, we come into the world alone too. However, that simply is the way it is, so I don't see that as particularly good or bad.

Tony
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For some reason, your post reminds me of a short story that I wrote in 1995 called 'Going Home' and where I quote Socrates 'Who knows that what we call death is really life, and life is death'. It is a story full of vibrant colours. I will submit it soon on the forum for one and all to peruse and possibly enjoy.
 
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Remy said:
My mother's tactic was to isolate the kids and my stepfather from his family. My mother was an immigrant so she had no family here. This is something abusive people and people with my mother's condition do. She would have never known or acknowledge the damage this did.
I'm absolutely alone. My stepfather is alive but he is a burden to me. Something I won't tell him. He put up with my mother's abuse and enabled her abuse of me. I still don't want to bother or torture him about it in his old age. My one brother became an abuser himself. I say forget family.
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I'm sorry to hear of your situation. :(
 

Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?​


Let's seeeeee.....

Used to be older folks

but

they're all dead

However, the 17 grandkids keep showing up

Guess I'm the freaking patriarch now

I may move back to the cabin
....where winters are quiet
 
Gary O' said:

Who do you consider is your "family", or do you feel alone?​

Let's seeeeee....., Used to be older folks, but they're all dead
However, the 17 grandkids keep showing up. Guess I'm the freaking patriarch now
I may move back to the cabin, ....where winters are quiet
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I mean this sincerely, I feel your presence on this forum gives us all something, a warm feeling, maybe making the rest of us feel less alone perhaps, whilst there's someone prepared to show us humour, wit, draw us in to your personality, "be our dad" (almost anyway! (y)👨‍🌾 ).
 
Ruby Rose said:
This is a hard one to tackle but thought I would sit a bit and ponder on the above. On the other hand, perhaps I won't as too many thoughts came to mind and no reason to share such...so think I'll simply bundle up and go and hug one of the horses.
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Sometimes it's difficult to put into words just exactly how we feel.
We are all alone inside our own little container (the body), but would you want to share your body with someone else? Do Siamese twins feel alone even though they are conjoined?
There is the theory that we can be likened to drops of water, each of us in a separate bubble but actually part of a much bigger whole.
To answer the question....although I am part of quite a large family, I have little contact with them. I regard my pets as my family.
 
Rosemarie said:
Sometimes it's difficult to put into words just exactly how we feel. We are all alone inside our own little container (the body), but would you want to share your body with someone else? Do Siamese twins feel alone even though they are conjoined?
There is the theory that we can be likened to drops of water, each of us in a separate bubble but actually part of a much bigger whole.
To answer the question....although I am part of quite a large family, I have little contact with them. I regard my pets as my family.
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"Two can become one they say", (dont they?)!
I think my friend mentioned in the OP would agree with you, and she was very soft with her Yorkshire terrier "Kip" too, though being a wonderful mum to her three sons took up most of her life.
The eldest of her boys turned awkward or disdainful towards his mother when he was about forty, (he'd been an Oxbridge student which changed or hardened him she said, and top of his class at our school too). Sheila's response was to write him quite a long letter, in response to a trivial/childish note he'd sent. In her letter she told him she had not given her permission to use her first name, and she gently reminded him of her achievements both as a mother and beforehand. In the end her wonderful letter must have made him feel a fool for behaving as it did towards a mother who loved him as she did, and without whom he'd have gotten nowhere near the heady heights he achieved in his career. :unsure:
 
I have a large immediate/nuclear family....5 kids and 10 grands, and when Ron and I married I became a step-mom to his two girls and step-grandma to his 3 grands. All but 1 (my oldest, the first responder I sometimes talk about) live close by. We are a very close knit family, both the biological family and the step family.

I also have what I call the family of my heart. While they are not bio-family, I love them like my own. They include several younger folks around my kids’ ages, and several friends around my own age.

All that said, no matter how close we are to so many people, we all leave this world alone, and leave our loved ones behind.

That doesn’t bother me, but what does make me sad is the knowledge that because we as a family are all so close, there will be sadness at my passing whenever that happens. It’s the one thing that as a Mom I can’t “fix” and make better for my loved ones. 🥺
 
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Ronni said:
I have a large immediate/nuclear family....5 kids and 10 grands, and when Ron and I married I became a step-mom to his two girls and step-grandma to his 3 grands. All but 1 (my oldest, the first responder I sometimes talk about) live clos by. We are a very close knit family, both the biological family and the step family.

I also have what I call the family of my heart. While they are not bio-family, I love them like my own. They include several younger folks around my kids’ ages, and several friends around my own age.

All that said, no matter how close we are to so many people, we all leave this world alone, and leave our loved ones behind.

That doesn’t bother me, but what does make me sad is the knowledge that because we as a family are all so close, there will be sadness at my passing whenever that happens. It’s the one thing that as a Mom I can’t “fix” and make better foe my loved ones. 🥺
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I love your post...you have a sincere heartfelt way of writing.
 
I am lucky enough to still have a lot of “family” family. A brother and sister, nieces nephews, grand nieces and nephews...and we are all pretty close...not in miles, but keep close through mail and phone calls. Cousins the same way. Then there is our own family of 3 sons, 3 DIL’s and 7 grandkids. Very very close to all of them. I consider my husbands family mine also. And I consider my DIL’s families mine. And last but not least I have family that wasn’t chosen for me.... Friends who I consider family. Not a ton but maybe a dozen or so that I consider family. Blessed...that is what I am
 
MarciKS said:
for me it has always been just my parents mostly because they've been the ones who've always been there for me. once they're gone i will literally be all alone.
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My parents were the ones I was closest to even though we had a lot of differences of opinions over the years. I can relate to you though because since they've both been gone I've been all alone but I do have my pet family whom I am grateful for.

I am also grateful for this site with all the people here to communicate with and share interesting ideas and all kinds of things.
 
I have a very small family now but I know my son and daughter will be there for me when my time comes. This is comforting to me. My only fear is that they will try to prolong my life rather than make my passing easier even though we have discussed it.
I have one good friend who I consider family but she is in a nursing home so I'm more of caretaker now and though we talk of the good old days on the phone I don't burden her with any of the problems I might have.
 

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