debodun
SF VIP
- Location
- way upstate in New York, USA
I’ve been attempting to liquidate my mother’s estate on my own by having lawn sales. I’ve encountered many “interesting” folks. They are the ones that usually fall into one of these categories:
“The Whirlwinds” – they don’t spend more than a minute at the sale. They walk so quickly around the tables it makes your head spin. It’s like they are desperately looking for just the one thing you have way underpriced.
“The Creepers” – these are the opposite of the “whirlwinds”. It’s like watching a video in slow motion. They pick each item up, look at it from every angle, put it back on the table and stare at it for 5 minutes, them move on to the next item. They spend so much time looking, that you start checking your watch. I feel like charging these slow pokes rent for taking so long.
“The Cheapos” – no matter what price you decide on an item, they expect you’ll give them at least a 90% discount. Will never pay the asking price, even if it's Ming vase for 25¢.
“The Talker” – Is usually an older person. He/she engages you in conversation; tells you their life story, family and personal problems, about other sales they’ve been to, etc. This is interesting for about the first 3 minutes, then it appears he/she isn’t going to stop anytime soon. You start thinking to yourself, “How can I tactfully get rid if this bore.” The “talkers” usually don’t buy anything; they just want an audience.
The “Flustered Mom” - They have a minimum of 2 elementary school age kids or younger who, if you have toys and games for sale, proceed to open the box of every board game or puzzle and dump the contents all over the place, throw they toys around, or just stand and screech as their mother looks around. Constant admonitions from mom to behave themselves go unheeded and they continue to make a shambles of your sale. These women usually say they are single moms with a hard-luck story and expect you'll give them things because of that. They finally leave without buying anything, then you have to go around and pick up that 500 piece jigsaw puzzle scattered on the lawn and under the hedge, hoping you retrieved all the pieces.
“The Complainer” – Looks at everything and has nothing good to say. Either the prices are too high, the quality of the items isn’t good enough for them, the sale is not arranged the way they like, or the front path is too steep. People like this could find fault with Jesus! If my stuff isn’t good enough or cheap enough for you – just leave. You don’t have to deliver a 5 minute monologue.
“The Reservists” – They pick out something, then announce they have no money. They want you to “hold” it for them until they can get the cash and return. Two weeks later you’re still waiting for them. Now I set a time limit and (usually 2 hours) and ask for a non-refundable deposit. They usually get huffy about that, but if they aren’t a serious buyer – who cares? They probably had no intention of buying it in the first place, or were just playing one of their garage sale games. Are people that strapped that they don’t even have 5 bucks on them? If not, why did they stop?
“The Tycoon” – Usually a 40 to 50-something male. Flashes a big fist of money and announces, “I’m a CASH buyer!” I think, “As opposed to what other means of tender?” They almost never buy and if they do, it some small, inexpensive item so they have an excuse to pull out their wad again to impress you. I think the only person it impresses is them!
The “Director” - tells you everything you've done wrong about your sale and/or tells you what to do to make it better. e.g.
“You have too many things out - that confuses and overwhelms people.”
“You don't have enough things out to attract customers. Set up more tables and get things out where folks can see them.”
“You should put all items that have the same price on one table.”
“Your sale is too mixed up. You should put similar items on one table like china here and glassware here.”
“Your sign isn't large enough. I almost drove by before I saw it.”
“Your sign is too large. It blocks the street view of your sale.”
“You should paint your sign in red letters instead of black. That would make it easier to see.”
“I see your sign letters are painted red. Color-blind people can't see that.”
"You should move the tables closer to the sidewalk. You have them too close to the house.”
"Your tables ate to close to the sidewalk. That makes things easy to steal."
Get the idea?
“The Drive-bys” – they slow down and cruise by the sale, go up the block, turn and come back and drive ever so slowly by again, then suddenly zoom off, spraying you tables with road dust and leaving an acrid cloud of vehicle exhaust in their wake.
“The Pisser (or Pooper)” – doesn’t buy anything but asks to use your bathroom. You direct them to the nearest convenience store on the corner 400 feet away. They respond emphatically, “But I can’t wait!” Makes you wonder why they take Ex-Lax and have a big gulp beverage just before heading out for garage sales.
“The Lazies” – won’t get out of their vehicle. They want you to bring things over to them to look at. I could see this if they were physically handicapped, but I do not see their vehicle marked as such which is required in our state. Are they getting some kind of amusement having you run back and forth? They usually don’t buy anything anyway.
“The Invaders” – they look around for a minute, but don’t seem interested in anything. They hang around until you’re distracted with another customer, then go into your house or at least into areas they shouldn’t, and start looking around, like the garage or cabinets in the kitchen. When you discover them and point out that only the items outside are for sale, they scream, “Are you having a sale or not?” For some reason they assume that even things inside the house are for sale.
“The Big Bills Customer” – treats you like an ATM machine. Will pick out a really inexpensive item (usua;lly a dollar or less) and hands you a $100 bill. Makes you wonder why they didn’t get small bills and change at the bank if they were going to garage sales.
"The Switcheroos" who come in 3 sub-species:
A) The ones that switch price tags when they think you're not looking or are not aware of your own prices.
B)The ones that want a part of a set but not the whole set. e.g.
Them: "You have a pitcher and tumbler set. How much for just the pitcher?"
Me: "They all go together. $10."
Them: "I only want the pitcher. I'll give you a buck for just that."
C) The ones that pick out several items and pay for them. Then seem to change their minds and put something back and pick out something else at a different price. Now how much do they get back or have to pay now. They do this several times until you don't know what they've paid for or what the bottom line is after all the switching.
“The Fake Buyer” This is perhaps the worst kind. They walk around picking up armloads of stuff, getting your hopes up they are going to purchase a large quantity. After about 10 minutes of this, they suddenly dump everything and walk away. One time I had a lot of framed pictures. On older man came in and looked around. He said he would buy all the pictures if I wrapped them up for him and that he was very fussy how they were wrapped. I scrambled to procure large sheets of heavy paper and twine, I then painstakingly wrapped them. He stood right there and watched carefully, not saying a word. Twenty minutes later, when I was all done, he announced, “I changed my mind.” and walked off. Really! You could almost punch some of these people.
Miscellaneous: One woman I remember clearly, selected some pressed glass items and started to walk away. I accosted her and said those items totaled $12. She became very huffy and said, “It’s stuff you don’t want anyway or it wouldn’t be out here. Why should I have to pay ANYTHING?” This may be a sub-species of the “The Cheapo”.
Another man selected an antique caned-seat chair. He brought it over to me. I said. “It’s ten dollars.” He held out his empty hand. I repeated the price. He said, “Yeah, so where’s my ten?” He expected me to pay HIM to take it!
Honestly – I could write a book!
“The Whirlwinds” – they don’t spend more than a minute at the sale. They walk so quickly around the tables it makes your head spin. It’s like they are desperately looking for just the one thing you have way underpriced.
“The Creepers” – these are the opposite of the “whirlwinds”. It’s like watching a video in slow motion. They pick each item up, look at it from every angle, put it back on the table and stare at it for 5 minutes, them move on to the next item. They spend so much time looking, that you start checking your watch. I feel like charging these slow pokes rent for taking so long.
“The Cheapos” – no matter what price you decide on an item, they expect you’ll give them at least a 90% discount. Will never pay the asking price, even if it's Ming vase for 25¢.
“The Talker” – Is usually an older person. He/she engages you in conversation; tells you their life story, family and personal problems, about other sales they’ve been to, etc. This is interesting for about the first 3 minutes, then it appears he/she isn’t going to stop anytime soon. You start thinking to yourself, “How can I tactfully get rid if this bore.” The “talkers” usually don’t buy anything; they just want an audience.
The “Flustered Mom” - They have a minimum of 2 elementary school age kids or younger who, if you have toys and games for sale, proceed to open the box of every board game or puzzle and dump the contents all over the place, throw they toys around, or just stand and screech as their mother looks around. Constant admonitions from mom to behave themselves go unheeded and they continue to make a shambles of your sale. These women usually say they are single moms with a hard-luck story and expect you'll give them things because of that. They finally leave without buying anything, then you have to go around and pick up that 500 piece jigsaw puzzle scattered on the lawn and under the hedge, hoping you retrieved all the pieces.
“The Complainer” – Looks at everything and has nothing good to say. Either the prices are too high, the quality of the items isn’t good enough for them, the sale is not arranged the way they like, or the front path is too steep. People like this could find fault with Jesus! If my stuff isn’t good enough or cheap enough for you – just leave. You don’t have to deliver a 5 minute monologue.
“The Reservists” – They pick out something, then announce they have no money. They want you to “hold” it for them until they can get the cash and return. Two weeks later you’re still waiting for them. Now I set a time limit and (usually 2 hours) and ask for a non-refundable deposit. They usually get huffy about that, but if they aren’t a serious buyer – who cares? They probably had no intention of buying it in the first place, or were just playing one of their garage sale games. Are people that strapped that they don’t even have 5 bucks on them? If not, why did they stop?
“The Tycoon” – Usually a 40 to 50-something male. Flashes a big fist of money and announces, “I’m a CASH buyer!” I think, “As opposed to what other means of tender?” They almost never buy and if they do, it some small, inexpensive item so they have an excuse to pull out their wad again to impress you. I think the only person it impresses is them!
The “Director” - tells you everything you've done wrong about your sale and/or tells you what to do to make it better. e.g.
“You have too many things out - that confuses and overwhelms people.”
“You don't have enough things out to attract customers. Set up more tables and get things out where folks can see them.”
“You should put all items that have the same price on one table.”
“Your sale is too mixed up. You should put similar items on one table like china here and glassware here.”
“Your sign isn't large enough. I almost drove by before I saw it.”
“Your sign is too large. It blocks the street view of your sale.”
“You should paint your sign in red letters instead of black. That would make it easier to see.”
“I see your sign letters are painted red. Color-blind people can't see that.”
"You should move the tables closer to the sidewalk. You have them too close to the house.”
"Your tables ate to close to the sidewalk. That makes things easy to steal."
Get the idea?
“The Drive-bys” – they slow down and cruise by the sale, go up the block, turn and come back and drive ever so slowly by again, then suddenly zoom off, spraying you tables with road dust and leaving an acrid cloud of vehicle exhaust in their wake.
“The Pisser (or Pooper)” – doesn’t buy anything but asks to use your bathroom. You direct them to the nearest convenience store on the corner 400 feet away. They respond emphatically, “But I can’t wait!” Makes you wonder why they take Ex-Lax and have a big gulp beverage just before heading out for garage sales.
“The Lazies” – won’t get out of their vehicle. They want you to bring things over to them to look at. I could see this if they were physically handicapped, but I do not see their vehicle marked as such which is required in our state. Are they getting some kind of amusement having you run back and forth? They usually don’t buy anything anyway.
“The Invaders” – they look around for a minute, but don’t seem interested in anything. They hang around until you’re distracted with another customer, then go into your house or at least into areas they shouldn’t, and start looking around, like the garage or cabinets in the kitchen. When you discover them and point out that only the items outside are for sale, they scream, “Are you having a sale or not?” For some reason they assume that even things inside the house are for sale.
“The Big Bills Customer” – treats you like an ATM machine. Will pick out a really inexpensive item (usua;lly a dollar or less) and hands you a $100 bill. Makes you wonder why they didn’t get small bills and change at the bank if they were going to garage sales.
"The Switcheroos" who come in 3 sub-species:
A) The ones that switch price tags when they think you're not looking or are not aware of your own prices.
B)The ones that want a part of a set but not the whole set. e.g.
Them: "You have a pitcher and tumbler set. How much for just the pitcher?"
Me: "They all go together. $10."
Them: "I only want the pitcher. I'll give you a buck for just that."
C) The ones that pick out several items and pay for them. Then seem to change their minds and put something back and pick out something else at a different price. Now how much do they get back or have to pay now. They do this several times until you don't know what they've paid for or what the bottom line is after all the switching.
“The Fake Buyer” This is perhaps the worst kind. They walk around picking up armloads of stuff, getting your hopes up they are going to purchase a large quantity. After about 10 minutes of this, they suddenly dump everything and walk away. One time I had a lot of framed pictures. On older man came in and looked around. He said he would buy all the pictures if I wrapped them up for him and that he was very fussy how they were wrapped. I scrambled to procure large sheets of heavy paper and twine, I then painstakingly wrapped them. He stood right there and watched carefully, not saying a word. Twenty minutes later, when I was all done, he announced, “I changed my mind.” and walked off. Really! You could almost punch some of these people.
Miscellaneous: One woman I remember clearly, selected some pressed glass items and started to walk away. I accosted her and said those items totaled $12. She became very huffy and said, “It’s stuff you don’t want anyway or it wouldn’t be out here. Why should I have to pay ANYTHING?” This may be a sub-species of the “The Cheapo”.
Another man selected an antique caned-seat chair. He brought it over to me. I said. “It’s ten dollars.” He held out his empty hand. I repeated the price. He said, “Yeah, so where’s my ten?” He expected me to pay HIM to take it!
Honestly – I could write a book!
