Makes me crazy (wife eating unhealthy)

Nathan

Nathan

SF VIP
Location
High Desert- Calif.
I do most of the shopping, try to buy healthy items so that we can live healthier. My wife is a junk food-aholic, but I'm not the food Nazi, if she wants something I'm happy to buy it for her.
Every once in a while she'll want to do a shopping trip, ends up costing double what I spend, with the majority of items being sugary, fatty and snack type foods(chips, cookies etc). :rolleyes:
I grow silent, try to use breath to calm my mind. My disappointment passes after a while. It is what it is.
 

hollydolly said:
Nathan is she suffering any ill effects from her diet ?.. if not, just let it go.. you do you, and let her do her... sadly we can't dictate to another adult ..I'm sure she must know these things are not good for her..
Click to expand...
She's overweight, and coupled with a sedentary lifestyle leads her into a downward spiraling. And yes, I do not want to be "that" nagging spouse, she's a big girl and I can't protect her from her own choice. It's frustrating, but I know there's a growing possibility that I'll be her caregiver at some point. I try to prepare myself physically and mentally for that, but I can't help but feel remiss if I simply give up trying to influence her in a positive way.
 
@Nathan , if she's battled cancer three times, could she be dealing with clinical depression whether or not she's shared that with you? I'm trying to think of anything that would change *my* mind if I'd want to enjoy my choice of junk food and I can say in all honesty that I really don't think anyone could say or do anything to change that... it would have to come from within myself. And thank you for not being "that nagging spouse" because that rarely brings results, just resentment.

Also, remember that you can *influence* her with your own choices without trying to force her to make the same choices.
 
Nathan said:
She's overweight, and coupled with a sedentary lifestyle leads her into a downward spiraling. And yes, I do not want to be "that" nagging spouse, she's a big girl and I can't protect her from her own choice. It's frustrating, but I know there's a growing possibility that I'll be her caregiver at some point. I try to prepare myself physically and mentally for that, but I can't help but feel remiss if I simply give up trying to influence her in a positive way.
Click to expand...
You do most the shopping, so there's that. And maybe she will get to a point where she can't even do it occasionally. Meanwhile you're doing your best; keeping it to a minimum.

I love desert, and I have them, but between treats I feel like I eat enough healthy foods to maintain a winning balance.
 
CallMeKate said:
@Nathan , if she's battled cancer three times, could she be dealing with clinical depression whether or not she's shared that with you? I'm trying to think of anything that would change *my* mind if I'd want to enjoy my choice of junk food and I can say in all honesty that I really don't think anyone could say or do anything to change that... it would have to come from within myself. And thank you for not being "that nagging spouse" because that rarely brings results, just resentment.

Also, remember that you can *influence* her with your own choices without trying to force her to make the same choices.
Click to expand...
Or maybe because of the cancer, her philosophy is that life is a tenuous proposition so she's going to thoroughly enjoy what she likes.
 
Last edited:
I don't want to be single, but sometimes I count my blessings. No matter how great someone is, or how much we love them, their foibles can seem unacceptable. I believe we can't change other people.

My next door neighbors go out and smoke on the porch. The wife is a double amputee. You'd think that whatever she has (diabetes?), she'd quit smoking, but no. They seem to get long great. I was chatting with the husband about his former work and other life stuff. He said he has no regrets. I assume that includes his wife.

My brother is a serious alcoholic. I lived on the same island as him for 12 years. All his friends were overjoyed when I arrived, because as a family member I could force him to go to rehab. Nope. I just loved him the way he was. Others have put great effort into "helping" him in various ways (e.g., giving him a place to live), but I'm not so inclined.

Like your wife, I'm a junk food junkie. I struggle to control it most of the time, but sometimes I lose the battle.

Just rambling, hope that helps in some way....
 
Nathan said:
She's overweight, and coupled with a sedentary lifestyle leads her into a downward spiraling. And yes, I do not want to be "that" nagging spouse, she's a big girl and I can't protect her from her own choice. It's frustrating, but I know there's a growing possibility that I'll be her caregiver at some point. I try to prepare myself physically and mentally for that, but I can't help but feel remiss if I simply give up trying to influence her in a positive way.
Click to expand...
Awww, I bet she's thinking ''what the heck, why don't I just enjoy myself given everything life has thorwn at me ''.. or as has been said previously perhaps she's suffering from depression, goodness knows she's been through the mill enough... . I can totally understand your side of it too Nathan, you've been through that awful time with her when she was so sick, , and of course you want her to be as healthy as she can be so that you both can live a long life what's left of it.. because she's your wife.. .. it's a difficult one , have you talked it out with her , tell her your concerns ?
 
CallMeKate said:
Also, remember that you can *influence* her with your own choices without trying to force her to make the same choices.
Click to expand...
So true, and I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind, as I tend to go ahead and participate in those indulgences, which derails my own goals.
Right now there's a pepperoni pizza sitting in the freezer, sometime soon that's going to slide into the oven for lunch. I will eat some of that pizza(!), but will practice portion control as I have, with fatty, calorie & carb dense meals.
 
NorthernLight said:
I don't want to be single, but sometimes I count my blessings. No matter how great someone is, or how much we love them, their foibles can seem unacceptable. I believe we can't change other people.

My next door neighbors go out and smoke on the porch. The wife is a double amputee. You'd think that whatever she has (diabetes?), she'd quit smoking, but no. They seem to get long great. I was chatting with the husband about his former work and other life stuff. He said he has no regrets. I assume that includes his wife.

My brother is a serious alcoholic. I lived on the same island as him for 12 years. All his friends were overjoyed when I arrived, because as a family member I could force him to go to rehab. Nope. I just loved him the way he was. Others have put great effort into "helping" him in various ways (e.g., giving him a place to live), but I'm not so inclined.

Like your wife, I'm a junk food junkie. I struggle to control it most of the time, but sometimes I lose the battle.

Just rambling, hope that helps in some way....
Click to expand...
As you mention, change has to come from within. When my wife & I met I smoked and drank beer daily. She didn't try to change me, which I appreciated. I've been passing health related information to my wife, but have refrained from any judgement or pressure, because I knew from being on the receiving end in a previous marriage, that just doesn't work.
 
Nathan said:
I've speculated that that may be the case.
Click to expand...
Ever see that Nicolas Cage movie called City of Angels? He plays an angle who falls in love with a human, so he's contemplating "falling." He meets this guy who seems perfectly human, but he's is a fallen angel. He "fell" for love. The guy is a patient of Cage's angel character's human love-interest, who's happens to be a doctor. The guy is overweight, smokes, drinks, and eats a lot of barbecued ribs and greasy, high carb food, and he's recovering from bypass surgery when Angel Cage asks him "Was she worth it?"

The guy takes a long drag off his cigar and tells Cage that human life is unimaginably wonderful; the human pleasures, the emotional madness, even the sensation of gravity. And omg....oh, the food. :giggle:
 
Nathan said:
When my wife & I met I smoked and drank beer daily. She didn't try to change me, which I appreciated. I've been passing health related information to my wife, but have refrained from any judgement or pressure, because I knew from being on the receiving end in a previous marriage, that just doesn't work.
Click to expand...
And as I recall you have also lost a lot of weight and become more active.

Do you know what drove your transformation? It would give you some insight, maybe.

I have also lost weight and gotten more active and healthy. Gone from too many drinks a day to about 2 a month. Can't say what triggered me, but I do know judgmental people and nagging were not it.

Best to luck to you and your wife!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top