Facebook portrayals

R

Rose65

Well-known Member
Location
United Kingdom
I find it intriguing how people feel almost obliged to give an image of themselves on social media as having a perfect exciting life. I know one friend who constantly gave the impression like that but admitted in private that his marriage was breaking up - despite all the happy travel pics. Another young friend had a baby and posted pictures giving the impression all was wonderful. Her mum told me in private that sadly she is in fact in real trouble, terribly depressed.

It makes me wonder who are they trying to impress? In fact by portraying perfection you risk alienating people . We all struggle. It is actually better to be genuine in posting, say you are struggling, be a bit vulnerable - but never be too revealing of personal life.

Most on FB are not real friends after all. How is it people have hundreds of 'friends' anyway?

I post very little now, I see my life as nobody's business. I message privately to those I trust.
 

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Could it be that these people are not trying to impress anyone, but to keep themselves upbeat instead ?.. Couldn't it be that by posting that they feel well or they feel happy when in fact their heart is breaking or they're in pain... that they feel they are improving their own mood .

Could it be that most people feel that others don't want to hear negativity... and feel they must always appear to be positive..?. and finally.. if someone posts they're having a lovely life, when their marriage is breaking down.. and another posts she feels delighted with her new role as a mum when she's actually still in pain and exhausted... who the heck are we to decide they should be posting their personal intimate details ?
 
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My friends on fakebook are real friends. No, I have never met most of them in person. But I have been friends with a lot of them through my homesteading life and a forum called Homesteading Today. When fakebook started a lot of us went there because the forum was sold. These are people I have shared my life with and they with me since about 2004. For me, I get to know someone better through writing rather than talking in person anyway. I was always a letter writer.

About half of my friends are my cousins who I would not have daily contact with now if it wasn't for fb. Many of my friends on fb are either people from my hometown or people that I went to school with. I had lost contact with most of them through moving from place to place (NY to FL and back). I talk to most of them daily now. I am also friends with other bloggers who I am connected with and also eBay sellers from selling on eBay. I do have conversations with most of them regularly.

I post my private life there as I do here. I am not trying to impress anyone. I hope something I do or say might help someone else in that situation. I receive a lot of private messages on FB asking my advice. I also write a blog and at one time wrote 4 different ones and some of those readers are my friends on fakebook also. I have nothing to hide and have been online since bulletin boards existed. When I was breaking up with my husband I didn't post anything about it until I was sure I wanted to do that and could do that. I received a lot of support there from my friends. I was not trying to hide anything.
 

katlupe said:
My friends on fakebook are real friends. No, I have never met most of them in person. But I have been friends with a lot of them through my homesteading life and a forum called Homesteading Today. When fakebook started a lot of us went there because the forum was sold. These are people I have shared my life with and they with me since about 2004. For me, I get to know someone better through writing rather than talking in person anyway. I was always a letter writer.

About half of my friends are my cousins who I would not have daily contact with now if it wasn't for fb. Many of my friends on fb are either people from my hometown or people that I went to school with. I had lost contact with most of them through moving from place to place (NY to FL and back). I talk to most of them daily now. I am also friends with other bloggers who I am connected with and also eBay sellers from selling on eBay. I do have conversations with most of them regularly.

I post my private life there as I do here. I am not trying to impress anyone. I hope something I do or say might help someone else in that situation. I receive a lot of private messages on FB asking my advice. I also write a blog and at one time wrote 4 different ones and some of those readers are my friends on fakebook also. I have nothing to hide and have been online since bulletin boards existed. When I was breaking up with my husband I didn't post anything about it until I was sure I wanted to do that and could do that. I received a lot of support there from my friends. I was not trying to hide anything.
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I did the same here Kat... even tho' I've been here for many years , and I count so many members here as my friends.. some are just a little closer than others... . In those people I confided about my marriage break-up...only after 3 or 4 months while I got my head around it myself.. and they couldn't have been more supportive... I didn't ask for their support, they gave it willingly and without question... and helped me through the most horrendous time of my life, like no-one else has or did. For them I will be forever grateful and in their debt..

It took many more months before I felt comfortable enough to talk about it on the forum.... because it's a very private thing , and people do tend to judge even when they don't know the facts..... as did one toxic member of this forum who made remarks about my husband and she was ultimately reported..not by me, but again by my supporters .. and suspended for a week from this forum..and not for the first time.. This is precisely the reason that many people do NOT bare their souls on social media.. because of poisonous keyboard warriors that haunts forums and FB..
 
I have a FB page. I don't use it much and I don't have a bunch of "friends" attached to it. I keep it so I can post on Marketplace when I have a quilt for sale, or other odds and ends. The only other use I have for it is to sometimes post a article or something I want to keep track of on my page. Since I've grown used to being the invisible woman, I don't share much anymore anyway.
 
oldaunt said:
I have a FB page. I don't use it much and I don't have a bunch of "friends" attached to it. I keep it so I can post on Marketplace when I have a quilt for sale, or other odds and ends. The only other use I have for it is to sometimes post a article or something I want to keep track of on my page. Since I've grown used to being the invisible woman, I don't share much anymore anyway.
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I am very much like you, I see no reason to put my life on there any more. It's nice to discuss books and general matters but not personal stuff, not for me.
 
I don't really pay enough attention to FB to know who's "faking it" about how good their life is (I only connect to actual friends and family)... but I *do* notice the people who use filters for their photos to remove pounds, wrinkles, and so on. When I run across them in a store or an event, it's like "WHOA!" and I have to be sure not to let it show on my face that they're 70 pounds lighter or looking 15 years younger on their "new/current" FB pic. šŸ¤­
 
FB has changed so much in the last 5 years or so, I rarely post anything and don't check in daily, either. Several of my friends are comfortable posting every little thing in their lives, and that's fine if it gives them comfort. I do not post any personal issues, medical conditions, or gripes and grumbles. Nor do I post selfies (I don't even take selfies), or meals I've ordered, or drinks out with friends. That is my personal life. If I choose to share where I've been lately and with whom, I will call or visit friends with this kind of news.
 
CallMeKate said:
I don't really pay enough attention to FB to know who's "faking it" about how good their life is (I only connect to actual friends and family)... but I *do* notice the people who use filters for their photos to remove pounds, wrinkles, and so on. When I run across them in a store or an event, it's like "WHOA!" and I have to be sure not to let it show on my face that they're 70 pounds lighter or looking 15 years younger on their "new/current" FB pic. šŸ¤­
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again..people can do what they like as long as it's not illegal or harming anyone else...but I do agree filters are ridiculous sometimes, and they bear no resemblance at all to the real person.
 
Whether it be Facebook, Forums, or other social media there are always going to be some that elaborate, exaggerate. touch up, or erase years.

Guess they don't think that it will ever happen they run across someone that knows someone who really knows them.

Me....what you see is what you get, and my avatar was taken a week or two ago.
 
The Marines discouraged, especially Officers, from having a Facebook account for fear of writing things on our page that werenā€™t for everyone to see. And just like the op stated, some people canā€™t help themselves from making their life sound remarkably well, when maybe itā€™s not as good as they make it out to be.
 
Right Now said:
FB has changed so much in the last 5 years or so, I rarely post anything and don't check in daily, either. Several of my friends are comfortable posting every little thing in their lives, and that's fine if it gives them comfort. I do not post any personal issues, medical conditions, or gripes and grumbles. Nor do I post selfies (I don't even take selfies), or meals I've ordered, or drinks out with friends. That is my personal life. If I choose to share where I've been lately and with whom, I will call or visit friends with this kind of news.
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I feel the same way. It is going down hill in many ways.

I got tricked into joining Facebook out of concern that old friends were trying to reach me that way. Looking back Iā€™m sure that was simply shrewd marketing on their part.

Once there I used it to get a look into new gardens and to meet some of them. Sharing my own was fun too as was learning about new plants and getting recommendations for public gardens and nurseries. Iā€™ve become real life friends with several gardeners in my area whose gardens Iā€™ve visited and had them over too of course.

Mostly though I donā€™t really know most of the people Iā€™m ā€˜friendsā€™ with there. ā€œFriendā€ doesnā€™t mean the same thing there, it is more like a virtual field of possible relationships only some of which will ever materialize. I also use it to keep up with my far flung family with whom I have too little in common for much more.
 
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Kinda wish I were on Facebook just to pass some time, but I can't enjoy it as my estranged family is on it and I feel compelled to look at them sometimes if I'm on it, and I always feel so badly afterwards that it's just not worth it so I generally avoid it. Have an account to look at business websites.
 
CallMeKate said:
I don't really pay enough attention to FB to know who's "faking it" about how good their life is (I only connect to actual friends and family)... but I *do* notice the people who use filters for their photos to remove pounds, wrinkles, and so on. When I run across them in a store or an event, it's like "WHOA!" and I have to be sure not to let it show on my face that they're 70 pounds lighter or looking 15 years younger on their "new/current" FB pic. šŸ¤­
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I guess that was really the point of the OP: how genuine or not people are in the way they come off there. I skipped over that because I wouldnā€™t expect to learn how people really are from what they post there or here either for that matter.

I do try to get to know people better - but not by way of social media or forums. Some forums are just for sharing ideas - for me at least. This one is a little different in that we are all going through something -aging- for which can be valuable to share experiences I think. But there are lots of aspects of aging to focus on and not everyone will be interested in what interests me, not vica versa.

Because of the pandemic and my wifeā€™s medical vulnerabilities, I am getting much less real life interaction than Iā€™m used to. So these virtual outlets are still more valuable though it isnā€™t ideal.
 
Pepper said:
Kinda wish I were on Facebook just to pass some time, but I can't enjoy it as my estranged family is on it and I feel compelled to look at them sometimes if I'm on it, and I always feel so badly afterwards that it's just not worth it so I generally avoid it. Have an account to look at business websites.
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Interesting. Iā€™d say my sister and I are now estranged because through Facebook I got to see way too much of her hate filled side as well as her extreme conspiracy theories. Some relationships to survive at all need to be constrained.
 
I think many people wish they hadn't started collecting friends early on, on Facebook. You know, old high school, college friends, old work friends. I have whittled mine down over the years to family and selected friends.
I don't post much anymore. Again, I the beginning I felt I had to post regularly and update people.
Now my update is when I change my profile picture seasonably.
 
I have a lot of global business contacts at facebook and other social media outlets. Also it IS a good way to stay in closer visual contact with relatives who live a distance away. I'm not trying to impress anyone, I don't think, but as @hollydolly says, I do try to keep myself upbeat. It's better for a person to stay positive. Just IMHO.
 
hollydolly said:
Could it be that these people are not trying to impress anyone, but to keep themselves upbeat instead ?.. Couldn't it be that by posting that they feel well or they feel happy when in fact their heart is breaking or they're in pain... that they feel they are improving their own mood .

Could it be that most people feel that others don't want to hear negativity... and feel they must always appear to be positive..?. and finally.. if someone posts they're having a lovely life, when their marriage is breaking down.. and another posts she feels delighted with her new role as a mum when she's actually still in pain and exhausted... who the heck are we to decide they should be posting their personal intimate details ?
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These are my thoughts too. You wouldnā€™t go to social events or work and tell everybody how difficult things are. There can be close friends who will know. Presenting a positive image can help pick up oneā€™s spirits, even if itā€™s for a little while.
 
I think part of it is just the nature of photos. We're exhorted to smile, put our arm around someone, hold props, and do other things that don't come naturally. Bridal parties, tourists, etc., are supposed to do silly stunts for the photographer.

Also, prospective employers, border officials, and others can demand to see your Facebook profile. You might not want them to know about your marijuana harvest or your wife's suicide attempt.
 
I donā€™t personal care what anyone looks like nor do I care what photo people use for their avatar. Whether they use an old photo, a fake photo or a picture of their dog, itā€™s matters none to me. I donā€™t really know why it should.
I think people are smart to protect their identity online.
 

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