Do online dating apps making it less likely to find love?

Trish

Trish

VIP OAP
I have read a couple of articles recently, primarily about people in the age range 20-30 years which, at one time, was the age when people were likely to be more socially active - I certainly was. I also have several friends whose adult children have never had a committed relationship, instead they date (or not) and are more likely to be in what is now known as a "situationship" - which is a casual, undefined, commitment-free deal.

When it comes to dating, so many people are on dating sites that, perhaps, the traditional places where people used to meet have now been replaced with online sites where people swipe through endless profiles and photos, rejecting anyone who might be too short, too tall, too cuddly looking, not cuddly looking enough, wouldn't make the Love Island cut, wouldn't impress your friends - swipe, swipe, swipe!

It's sad really because, I think it is only in person that you see someone's personality, their smile and that genuine spark you get with someone who you find a connection with. I wonder how many people simply give up on dating or, hopefully, they meet someone in real life, maybe in the supermarket, maybe they buy a puppy and fall in love over the pooper scoopers and squeaky toys 💘

I wonder what the odds are on someone finding love online? I know it happens, I have a friend who met her now husband online and I have a couple of friends who have met potential partners and, although it didn't blossom into lasting love, they became friends instead. I wonder whether online apps just leave people feeling jaded with the dating thing and actually make it less likely to find love? Are dating sites even meant or used to find a lasting relationship?

What do you think? :)
 

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No experience here, but it seems to me anything that brings people together and gets them talking could be a good thing. But the idea of setting a date with someone I have never met face to face sure seems strange. Maybe a kind of self directed blind date?? You will probably hear from others who have actual experience here, that will probably be more informative. My closest experience was ~40 years ago when I once tried an ad in the paper, that never went anywhere, but I did not try very hard...

Here is something I found on Psychology Today on the subject:

The Odds of Meeting Your Mate Online Just Got a Lot Better
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-meeting-your-mate-online-just-got-lot-better
 
Alligatorob said:
No experience here, but it seems to me anything that brings people together and gets them talking could be a good thing. But the idea of setting a date with someone I have never met face to face sure seems strange. Maybe a kind of self directed blind date?? You will probably hear from others who have actual experience here, that will probably be more informative. My closest experience was ~40 years ago when I once tried an ad in the paper, that never went anywhere, but I did not try very hard...

Here is something I found on Psychology Today on the subject:

The Odds of Meeting Your Mate Online Just Got a Lot Better
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-meeting-your-mate-online-just-got-lot-better
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Oh yes! I remember the lonely hearts ads in the back of newspapers! People used to put cards in the newsagent's window too "Divorced. 55 but don't look a day over 30. Seeks marriage. No unemployed or time wasters need apply". 🤭
 
Trish said:
Divorced. 55 but don't look a day over 30.
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I remember those ads, after reading too many like that I decided to take a different tact. Under description I said "short, balding, and overweight". I was really surprised how many women responded to that.

Met a couple of nice ladies, but never went anywhere. I was doing okish without the ad, and somehow that felt better.

I think that description put some women at ease. And they seemed happy to find I wasn't balding and not as short or fat as I lead folks to believe. A lot better than finding the ad had exaggerated, which I think is more common.
 
To digress for a moment, I put this into the category of personal aging.

As I get older, ever moving closer to the end, I've begun to be aware of what the arc of life is. You start off new to the world, grow up enjoying modern times with energy and fervor, then settle down a little and commit to a relationship, have a family and watch the kids grow, and then just settle. This is true for us personally, as well as society as a whole. We may also decide to skip some of those steps.

Put another way, at my age the world is slowly beginning to make less and less sense. A sneaky feeling of "I don't belong" starts to creep in. People are doing things that don't always make sense to me, but I'm aware it's me, not them. Worse, I still occassionally judge them based on my own experiences and how I think the world is supposed to be.

Online dating is an instance of this. In my mind, as others have stated, it's a strange way really really lonely people use to get a partner. It's quite analytical, something I never was when it came to this topic. I mean, I met people, and we either got along or we didn't. Not today. So online dating seems very strange, somewhat superficial, and a little bit of yuck factor.

But then, I have a male friend, same age as myself. We've never not known each other, we go back so far. He was a devout bachelor. He'd never been married, always lived alone, and was very happy with the freedom it gave him. Then, three or so years ago, he asked me to help him buy a computer, and install an internet connection in his home (I worked in IT for pretty much all of my life). I was happy to do so. One of the first things he decided to try was online dating. Long story short, all this time later and he's happily married.

So I know from experience, this can and does work. I don't know how many dates he went on with different people, but probably somewhere between 10 and 20. He sure has some stories to tell! I know he'd change nothing about the entire thing.

Now, it still feels strange to me. I'd much rather meet someone in a more social environment. On the other hand, honestly I no longer go anywhere! Perhaps it's my own insecurity, because having missed the boat on Brad Pitts look, and having the physique of a couple of people, I know I'm going to swiped with regularity. Is it a defense mechanism?

But to really get to it - I'm entering the phase of life where the modern world is beginning to make less and less sense. Why are young(er) people always on Social Media? Why is their head always buried in their phones? Why do they keep tattooing themselves? Why are recreational drugs casually consumed? I could go on, but the point is - I'm beginning to no longer fit in this world, or at least in current culture. I have antiquated ideas. I'm getting out of sync.

It happens to us all, and is simply part of lifes cycle. To be bring it back to online dating, I feel a little negative about it. But I also know my friend, same age, found someone to love, and to be loved by, using Plenty of Fish. I can't argue about that!
 
Alligatorob said:
I remember those ads, after reading too many like that I decided to take a different tact. Under description I said "short, balding, and overweight". I was really surprised how many women responded to that.

Met a couple of nice ladies, but never went anywhere. I was doing okish without the ad, and somehow that felt better.

I think that description put some women at ease. And they seemed happy to find I wasn't balding and not as short or fat as I lead folks to believe. A lot better than finding the ad had exaggerated, which I think is more common.
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I like that strategy and not surprised it worked for you. :)
 
My son's father-in-law died close to last Christmas. By February mother-in-law and a family friend were dating, I predict they will be married before or after Christmas. Haha. Didn't need no stinking dating app.

She's a slave to people, so it just makes sense for her to not be alone. This is the case with many widows where I live. The men like it because they'd rather have someone take care of them. The guy doesn't seem that special, doesn't say much, kind of disappears into the woodwork, but she's attentive to his needs and both seem satisfied . I'd be more surprised if they broke it off. I just can't see her going it alone and the guy has a live-in cook, maid, nurse, etc. As it should be here in Knotholeville PA.
 
VaughanJB said:
To digress for a moment, I put this into the category of personal aging.

As I get older, ever moving closer to the end, I've begun to be aware of what the arc of life is. You start off new to the world, grow up enjoying modern times with energy and fervor, then settle down a little and commit to a relationship, have a family and watch the kids grow, and then just settle. This is true for us personally, as well as society as a whole. We may also decide to skip some of those steps.

Put another way, at my age the world is slowly beginning to make less and less sense. A sneaky feeling of "I don't belong" starts to creep in. People are doing things that don't always make sense to me, but I'm aware it's me, not them. Worse, I still occassionally judge them based on my own experiences and how I think the world is supposed to be.

Online dating is an instance of this. In my mind, as others have stated, it's a strange way really really lonely people use to get a partner. It's quite analytical, something I never was when it came to this topic. I mean, I met people, and we either got along or we didn't. Not today. So online dating seems very strange, somewhat superficial, and a little bit of yuck factor.

But then, I have a male friend, same age as myself. We've never not known each other, we go back so far. He was a devout bachelor. He'd never been married, always lived alone, and was very happy with the freedom it gave him. Then, three or so years ago, he asked me to help him buy a computer, and install an internet connection in his home (I worked in IT for pretty much all of my life). I was happy to do so. One of the first things he decided to try was online dating. Long story short, all this time later and he's happily married.

So I know from experience, this can and does work. I don't know how many dates he went on with different people, but probably somewhere between 10 and 20. He sure has some stories to tell! I know he'd change nothing about the entire thing.

Now, it still feels strange to me. I'd much rather meet someone in a more social environment. On the other hand, honestly I no longer go anywhere! Perhaps it's my own insecurity, because having missed the boat on Brad Pitts look, and having the physique of a couple of people, I know I'm going to swiped with regularity. Is it a defense mechanism?

But to really get to it - I'm entering the phase of life where the modern world is beginning to make less and less sense. Why are young(er) people always on Social Media? Why is their head always buried in their phones? Why do they keep tattooing themselves? Why are recreational drugs casually consumed? I could go on, but the point is - I'm beginning to no longer fit in this world, or at least in current culture. I have antiquated ideas. I'm getting out of sync.

It happens to us all, and is simply part of lifes cycle. To be bring it back to online dating, I feel a little negative about it. But I also know my friend, same age, found someone to love, and to be loved by, using Plenty of Fish. I can't argue about that!
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No, I wouldn't argue with that at all, when it works, it just works :)

Very interesting post and I can relate to the points you make, especially the feeling that the world today is beginning not to make much sense.

Digression is fine by the way. I think of threads as conversations which always wander away into other thoughts before meandering back to the original one. It's good. (y)
 
I do know one couple that met on line and got married, and they are happy. Not that one case creates a statistical analysis. I put myself on line once and felt horribly uncomfortable. I had responses, but nothing about the process seemed right to me. I got off there after a couple of weeks. I think it's works for some, but it wasn't for me. I would think dating apps would make it more likely to find love, if you enjoy the method. You're going to make a lot of contacts. If you live in a place like LA, dating apps are probably unnecessary.
 
JustDave said:
I do know one couple that met on line and got married, and they are happy. Not that one case creates a statistical analysis. I put myself on line once and felt horribly uncomfortable. I had responses, but nothing about the process seemed right to me. I got off there after a couple of weeks. I think it's works for some, but it wasn't for me. I would think dating apps would make it more likely to find love, if you enjoy the method. You're going to make a lot of contacts. If you live in a place like LA, dating apps are probably unnecessary.
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That's a good point, it does depend on where you live. If you live in an area with lots of places to socialise than you are probably just as likely to meet someone on a night out.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I don't know. Does it matter how two people meet as much as they do meet? After WWII, there were thousands of "War Brides". If you can find your lover, when you're invading the homeland, then the internet dating sites are pretty tame.
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Absolutely. I have no problem with internet dating. I just wondered how likely it is to meet someone given how many people use them to hook up rather than a way to meet someone to form a serious relationship with.
 
I think i would prefer organic dating as opposed to marketing and posting oneself like a resume.......As we know many change their "resume" to try to fit a job....
many may meet online......... but it is after meeting In real life and then the relationship blossoms. Wonder what the ratio is on people who are NOT as they marketed on a dating site.

i read a lot of comments on sites about online dating experiences .............. of people who do this......... the shallowness of these people is amazing ........i feel sorry for anyone unlucky enough to "match" with these folks.. Many shallow (male and female) looking for an income over values and even looks.

I read the link @Alligatorob posted and almost fell off chair laughing that Facebook has gotten into the online dating market.....
As a guilty pleasure i have watched many an episode of TV show catfish MOST are people who created fake profiles on Facebook using other peoples photos ..... always fascinating to me that even those aware of the red flags believe so hard that their situation is REAL

I find it hilarious Facebook censors posts and content they think is harmful or "misinformation" ................ but cannot seem to find 4 profiles on their OWN sites using exact same photos and but different names as fishy ....
FB / instagram ( same parent company) is most often the place where many "Catfishers" start.
 
Jeni said:
I think i would prefer organic dating as opposed to marketing and posting oneself like a resume.......As we know many change their "resume" to try to fit a job....
many may meet online......... but it is after meeting In real life and then the relationship blossoms. Wonder what the ratio is on people who are NOT as they marketed on a dating site.

i read a lot of comments on sites about online dating experiences .............. of people who do this......... the shallowness of these people is amazing ........i feel sorry for anyone unlucky enough to "match" with these folks.. Many shallow (male and female) looking for an income over values and even looks.

I read the link @Alligatorob posted and almost fell off chair laughing that Facebook has gotten into the online dating market.....
As a guilty pleasure i have watched many an episode of TV show catfish MOST are people who created fake profiles on Facebook using other peoples photos ..... always fascinating to me that even those aware of the red flags believe so hard that their situation is REAL

I find it hilarious Facebook censors posts and content they think is harmful or "misinformation" ................ but cannot seem to find 4 profiles on their OWN sites using exact same photos and but different names as fishy ....
FB / instagram ( same parent company) is most often the place where many "Catfishers" start.
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I used to watch Catfish. Apparently Nev got catfished which is where the idea came for the program, assuming it was true. I thought it wasn't as good once Max left. The early episodes were best, I think.
 
Trish said:
I used to watch Catfish. Apparently Nev got catfished which is where the idea came for the program, assuming it was true. I thought it wasn't as good once Max left. The early episodes were best, I think.
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I think it is truly sad and disturbing that it has been in TV over a decade and people are still doing this.
I think it is a good example to show people how easy it is to fake who they are. Also shows a few ways to "investigate" the person.
Which is what i would do if meeting anyone one online.

My only close encounter of the real online dating scene .......was a friend met someone ....had a couple dates ....was over at his house .....and his wife came home early from a trip ..........yes it REALLY happens.... i was close by to come pick her up .........and give her a ride out of there..... LOL
 
I'm sure I don't know.
Trish, You mentioned "the spark" in meeting in person. That can be faked though.
I think on-line "getting to know someone" can be interesting because you're taking it slow and
probably know a lot more about the inner person rather than only physical attraction.
But, I'm sure I don't know!
 
Sure Internet dating works and I speak from experience. I met my last wife on a dating site. After she passed away, I met my present love interest on a dating site too. It's easy for me because I am honest, friendly, good communicator and not a "gold digger."

Trouble is most folks are often "low lives" who brag, cheat, lie, scheme and are looking for mama or papa "Money Bags." Then they wonder why they can't find love on the www. Go figure! What goes around comes around!
 
People do have to place themselves where they are likely to find love. A good social life is the ideal but not always possible. Back in time most people met through work, socialising or mutual hobbies or interests. So what's changed that they have to fish online?
 

Do online dating apps make it less likely to find love?​


I'm not entirely sure; I think the jury in my dead is still deliberating this one. I have no personal experience with them, but I have friends and acquaintances that have used them. A number of times I have toyed with the idea of using one, but felt that was just not me. Rightly or wrongly, I thought it seemed too much of a 'marketplace', and therefore something I wouldn't really want to be part of. I'm aware my mind can change though on these types of things.

Some friends and acquaintances told me of their experiences with them. Some funny; some worrying; some difficult to believe and some unbelievable. Then there are the experiences that are encouraging.

A friend told me of his experiences. He had been divorced for several years, and later he decided he wanted to find someone to spend the remainder of his life with; something that he was determined in doing. At the time he was in his early 50's. He joined several dating apps and went on just over 60 dates with 40 women. I thought, you have got to be kidding me!

Obviously, he had more than one date with some of those women. He said some were just weird; a few were scary; some made him think, "What planet are you on?" Some were very nice, but he thought not for him. Some wanted a free meal, literally, and never wanted a follow-up date. Unbelievably, one brought a friend along with her, who also wanted her meal paid for.

On some dates, the woman got up and left. On others, he got up and left. He told me of a sign on the wall in the 'restroom' of a pub/restaurant he was at. The sign said something like, "If you need to leave and leave safely, ask for Dave at the bar". He said on one date he had to go to the bar and ask for Dave! He was taken out of the restaurant area through a private door, along a corridor, and out of the building. I never knew of this sign; I tend not to read things on toilet walls. No doubt there is a similar sign in the women’s restroom.

On his last date via the App (let's say it was his 63rd date), he met someone who he said seemed very different. He said at first he couldn't quite put his finger on it. Several dates later with the same person he said he started to think if this was the one for him. I met her when a group of us went out for a drink. I thought she seemed very 'knowing'; very perceptive of people and the people she had met for the first time at that particular social gathering we were at.

They are getting married later this year; I've been invited.

The only 'internet dating' I've been on wasn't really internet dating, as such. We 'met' on a forum, eventually meeting up in what I call 'the real world'. The first date lasted a whole week. The relationship lasted four years.
 

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