I miss love today

Grampa Don

Grampa Don

Yep, that's me
Location
Orange county, Calif.
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
 

I'm hoping that just sharing about her with us may help in some small way. She sounds very special. I'm so sorry you're going through this and having to deal with it. Could you maybe plan something real special to do with your sons and grandbaby for the holidays... something you wouldn't normally do? It wouldn't take the feelings of missing her away, but it would be a little something to look forward to.
 
I know you know this and I know this doesn't help much but just a thought about how blessed you are to have loved and been loved. I met a woman once who had never experienced it and sooo wanted to.

Now don't laugh but do you have a loving dog? I mean the kind that likes to cuddle and is so excited to see you enter the room. The right dog can be very healing. I have a beagle like that (there are miniature ones now) and I have a pomeranian/poodle mix...so cuddly. But she yipes sometimes like pomeranians do. Just a thought. Dogs mixed with poodle don't shed and are so sweet.
 
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My life has been very different, but I think I understand some of what you feel.

I was married for a decade and a half. It ended, and the process just about wrecked me. I still remember seeing "The Shawshank Redemption" at that time, and it was hard to watch as it struck one chord after nother.

Later I tried again, that didn't mature though and when it was over I grieved again. Stayed away from it, but soon got drawn back in to fishing. After some time I thought I had found something again, but nope. This time it was quicker and far less painful.

That was 2008 and I've stayed out of the pond ever since.

Am I missing it? Not the dating scene, but the rewards of a solid relationship.
 
Have you all thought about a live-in female companion?
You don't have to have that "dating scene". And it may or may not develop into love.
I don't have anyone either but I have dogs and kids that keep me busy every day...and I had two marriages...so I'm good.
I mean having a man would be great but all the Mr. Rights seem to be taken. I've got my eye out for Mr. Wrong though lol.
 
Lara said:
I know you know this and I know this doesn't help much but just a thought about how blessed you are to have loved and been loved. I met a woman once who had never experience it and sooo wanted to.

Now don't laugh but do you have a loving dog? I mean the kind that likes to cuddle and is so excited to see you enter the room. The right dog can be very healing. I have a beagle like that (there are miniature ones now) and I have a pomeranian/poodle mix...so cuddly. But she yipes sometimes like pomeranians do. Just a thought. Dogs mixed with poodle don't shed.
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I appreciate the responses. I know my situation is nothing special. Most of the time I'm fine.

I have a little dog. But, he will be 17 in a couple months and he has problems. It's kind of like watching my wife during her last years. Lots of pills and Vet visits. When he is gone, that's it for pets. I can't handle it any more.
 
I understand. If you see someone you think would make a nice companion, ask her to meet you for coffee. Some guy here in the forum posted a suggestion one time of just what to say to a woman the first time you meet her. He had the best answer I ever heard. Maybe if he's reading this he'll step forward. It was something like "You seem interesting and it would be fun to meet up for some conversation". But that wasn't it. It was wayyy better.
 
It will get better. The missing her won't ever go away, but it will hurt less as time goes by. The "first" of everything is tough. First Christmas, first anniversary, first birthday, etc. The "second" is a little better and so on. You can no longer think, "last year we were......"

My husband died almost 18 years ago and I have since found new love, but it'll never be the same as someone you spent 37 years with, had a child with and went through a lot together.

Be good to yourself and allow yourself to grieve when you need to.
 
The human experience is both glorious and terrible. We meet, we live, we love, and yet everything is finite, and time rolls on no matter how we're feeling or thinking. Loss is inevitable. We're either the loss, or we're feeling the loss. For myself, I'd rather the former, for the the partner, the latter.

Who we are is a run of moments, of events and circumstances. We travel with a partner knowing full well that it will end one day. We just hope it's not tomorrow. Yet tomorrow always happens, and those left behind must continue on. It's who we are. Our pain is as valid as our joy. This is what it means to be a human being.

Memories are a dream that can be conjured by our minds. Indulge. Enjoy. Embrace the finality. Love doesn't know such boundaries.
 
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