Maybe you remember when I wrote this and this is an update

L

LoveTulips

Senior Member
Location
British Columbia, Canada
So I was going to meet a woman for coffee from a local community FB group and it was because we are both retired and looking for new friends. We were going to meet in public so obviously very safe. But all last night I was nervous about this, really, I have no reason to say why. And we were going to meet next week, but I made up an excuse that I had to go out of town and will reconnect when I get back. But actually I won't. I just had this feeling not to meet this person. Have you had any situations where you felt like that?

The post above is the original post. So today, I get a nasty pm on FB from this woman saying that , " Well, why have I not heard back from you? You told me that you had to be away for a personal reason. Well, I don't care about your personal reason, I was waiting to hear back from you. When are we getting together? "

Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
 

LoveTulips said:
So I was going to meet a woman for coffee from a local community FB group and it was because we are both retired and looking for new friends. We were going to meet in public so obviously very safe. But all last night I was nervous about this, really, I have no reason to say why. And we were going to meet next week, but I made up an excuse that I had to go out of town and will reconnect when I get back. But actually I won't. I just had this feeling not to meet this person. Have you had any situations where you felt like that?

The post above is the original post. So today, I get a nasty pm on FB from this woman saying that , " Well, why have I not heard back from you? You told me that you had to be away for a personal reason. Well, I don't care about your personal reason, I was waiting to hear back from you. When are we getting together? "

Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
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Your woman's intuition was def trying to tell you something.
Glad you listened.
 
dobielvr said:
Your woman's intuition was def trying to tell you something.
Glad you listened.
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Seriously, I know some people thought I was being too cautious. But really, I have gotten that feeling before about a dangerous person. When I was in my thirties, I used to go to a pub and at this pub was this women named Mabel, but she pronounced it Maybelle.

And I was always leery of her, but she hung around withe the group that I was with. Well, I called her Mabel, by accident and she told me. like right up to my face, " Don't ever call me Mabel again and her look was like, not hate, but like there was nothing in her eyes, like dead eyes. Heard much later on, she knifed someone for no reason.

By the way this was not some tough bar that I was in. I was teaching a college in Vancouver and my hubby, then my boyfriend and I would meet there, along with teachers and this group that my hubby was a part of, before he met me.
 
hollydolly said:
Wot She said ^^^^... jeez .. is she unhinged ?
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I know right???
Seriously, I know some people thought I was being too cautious. But really, I have gotten that feeling before about a dangerous person. When I was in my thirties, I used to go to a pub and at this pub was this women named Mabel, but she pronounced it Maybelle.

And I was always leery of her, but she hung around withe the group that I was with. Well, I called her Mabel, by accident and she told me. like right up to my face, " Don't ever call me Mabel again and her look was like, not hate, but like there was nothing in her eyes, like dead eyes. Heard much later on, she knifed someone for no reason.

By the way this was not some tough bar that I was in. I was teaching a college in Vancouver and my hubby, then my boyfriend and I would meet there, along with teachers and this group that my hubby was a part of, before he met me.
 
LoveTulips said:
So I was going to meet a woman for coffee from a local community FB group and it was because we are both retired and looking for new friends. We were going to meet in public so obviously very safe. But all last night I was nervous about this, really, I have no reason to say why. And we were going to meet next week, but I made up an excuse that I had to go out of town and will reconnect when I get back. But actually I won't. I just had this feeling not to meet this person. Have you had any situations where you felt like that?

The post above is the original post. So today, I get a nasty pm on FB from this woman saying that , " Well, why have I not heard back from you? You told me that you had to be away for a personal reason. Well, I don't care about your personal reason, I was waiting to hear back from you. When are we getting together? "

Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
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IDK. Online communication is very tough, even by PM.

There is just NOTHING in typing online that can match actually talking to a person. Nothing. Use all the emojis you want 🙇‍♀️👢🎓🐹🐟🦜:alien::whistle:👀🫀👮‍♀️ and you still cannot hear their voice or see a face reacting or not reacting to what you have said.

I think it's different for young people because they were raised w/tech. But for we Seniors, we made all our dearest friends face to face, so that is how we still get most of our information, IMO.

IDK. Maybe she's awful, maybe she's just lonely and lashing out? IDK. She says she doesn't care about your personal reason, but, on the other hand, you lied. You both have your character flaws, as we all do.

What were you afraid was going to happen? She'd be packing a gun? Be hideous and hard to look at for 30 minutes? Or it was all just too scary?

Maybe she picked up on what you were trying to hide, which was the fact that you were dumping her before even meeting her?

"And the world goes round, and round and round...."
 
You may have made the right choice, but please don't lie. Why couldn't you say, "I have changed my mind and I don't think this friendship will work out. I wish you well. Good-bye."

But we don't do that nowadays - now we just GHOST an BLOCK people - even after you struck up some kind of a relationship with her online.

If you tell her, or future women, that THE CHOICE IS YOURS and you are OWNING IT, then you set her free from wondering what she did wrong - if anything.

Just OWN IT. Don't lie. "I've changed my mind, but I hope you have success in your future endeavors." Is that so hard to say? Does that cost you so much? I've long thought that lying in personal relationships can become a BAD habit - I mean, if you get into the habit now, you will do it with your future wife.

I'm just trying to stamp out the cruelty of modern life. I know, I know - it's another hopeless cause.
 
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VintageBetter said:
You may have made the right choice, but please don't lie. Why couldn't you say, "I have changed my mind and I don't think this friendship will work out. I wish you well. Good-bye."

But we don't do that nowadays - now we just GHOST an BLOCK people - even after you struck up some kind of a relationship with her online.

If you tell her, or future women, that THE CHOICE IS YOURS and you are OWNING IT, then you set her free from wondering what she did wrong - if anything.

Just OWN IT. Don't lie. "I've changed my mind, but I hope you have success in your future endeavors." Is that so hard to say? Does that cost you so much? I've long thought that lying in personal relationships can become a BAD habit - I mean, if you get into the habit now, you will do it with your future wife.

I'm just trying to stamp out the cruelty of modern life. I know, I know - it's another hopeless cause.
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If you say you changed your mind people want to know why and if they did anything wrong, etc. You open yourself up to a longer conversation.

While in general I’m not a fan of lying sometimes a little white lie with people you don’t know really spares them some distress. In this case this woman has issues and would have overreacted no matter what.

Who even says I don’t care about your issues but just want what I want? The OP dodged a bullet and there was no graceful way out of the situation unfortunately.
 
LoveTulips said:
Uh, like never, lady. This to me is like stalking on FB. I am so glad that I never got together with this woman. I have blocked her now on FB.
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Scary stuff there, Tulips! 😲 I have tried to always listen to my intuition. Sometimes I scold myself and think "no, that's just your fear talking." But usually (thankfully) I counter that with "but what if it's not?" @LoveTulips
 
VintageBetter said:
Just OWN IT. Don't lie. "I've changed my mind, but I hope you have success in your future endeavors." Is that so hard to say? Does that cost you so much? I've long thought that lying in personal relationships can become a BAD habit - I mean, if you get into the habit now, you will do it with your future wife.
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:unsure: Well... this OP is a female and not looking for a wife. She was wanting another female to do some things with around town. The "personal relationship" was just someone looking for a buddy to do some activities with in the area.
 
I have to say that I'm not understanding some of the replies here. Tulips is a married woman... not a man who "ghosted" some woman he was interested in! If I make plans to visit a craft shop or have lunch with another gal in town here and my intuition tells me that something isn't right with her, I'm sure as heck going to cancel. I'm not seeing what's wrong with cancelling plans with a stranger I thought maybe could turn into a friend... and then to have her light into me on social media for changing my mind?!
 
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CallMeKate said:
I have to say that I'm not understanding some of the replies here. Tulips is a married woman... not a man who "ghosted" some woman he was interested in! If I make plans to visit a craft shop or have lunch with another gal in town here and my intuition tells me that something isn't right with her, I'm sure as heck going to cancel. I'm not seeing what's wrong with cancelling plans with a stranger I thought maybe could turn into a friend... and then to have her light into me on social media for changing my mind?!
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Canceling plans w a lie and then not getting back in touch (ghosting) after committing to do so is disrespectful and rude, 2 times. And that drew an equivalent reaction from the other party. "What goes around, comes around."

The fact that the other woman was still willing to meet after being treated poorly at least shows a willingness to get past the rocky start perhaps the sign of a forgiving person (or a door mat.)
 
LoveTulips said:
I know right???
Seriously, I know some people thought I was being too cautious. But really, I have gotten that feeling before about a dangerous person. When I was in my thirties, I used to go to a pub and at this pub was this women named Mabel, but she pronounced it Maybelle.

And I was always leery of her, but she hung around withe the group that I was with. Well, I called her Mabel, by accident and she told me. like right up to my face, " Don't ever call me Mabel again and her look was like, not hate, but like there was nothing in her eyes, like dead eyes. Heard much later on, she knifed someone for no reason.

By the way this was not some tough bar that I was in. I was teaching a college in Vancouver and my hubby, then my boyfriend and I would meet there, along with teachers and this group that my hubby was a part of, before he met me.
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She knifed someone for now reason ?..OMG..and some people here are saying you should have met up with her.....errrm.... WTH !:eek: Gawd... keep your door locked...
 
hollydolly said:
She knifed someone for now reason ?..OMG..and some people here are saying you should have met up with her.....errrm.... WTH !:eek: Gawd... keep your door locked...
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I think you've conflated the op w a separate story about one of her husband's coworkers which happened in her 30's, years ago, and had nothing to do w this update.
 
hollydolly said:
yes on re-reading I see that.. but you seem awfully interested in defending this crazy other woman.. why would that be ?
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I call like I see it. And by the same token I don't understand why others defend the lies of the OP.

All the hard feelings could have been avoided simply by telling the truth. "I am no longer interested in meeting you for coffee, sorry."
 
againstthegrain said:
I call like I see it. And by the same token I don't understand why others defend the lies of the OP.
All the hard feelings could have been avoided simply by telling the truth. "I am no longer interested in meeting you for coffee, sorry."
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Haven't you ever begged off from something you didn't want to do/attend? But anyhow, I'd agree with you if this had been a friend and then I wouldn't make up an excuse, but it was a stranger from the Internet... why risk a potential uncomfortable or even violent reaction from someone you know nothing about? I think perhaps "I'm no longer interested...." may have produced an even worse reaction than was given.
 

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