To the single dating crowd? Divorce vs Widowed relationships. Your thoughts.

V

Vicky

Member
Location
Pennsylvania, USA
I know that common interest should prevail within a relationship, but do divorce and widow/widowers have the equal probability of forming a good relationship?

I met both divorce and widowers. It seems like the divorce people want more space than the widowers. My theory is that they usually had a painful divorce and learned to live a life without the opposite sex. They carry more fears of going into another relationship. On the other hand, the widowers seem to miss their former spouse and try to look for someone similar to the one who passed away. They have lived a life with someone and can easily ease into another relationship. They desire the constant companionship of another, and understand(bend) to the needs of the other. Whereas the divorce person seems to want freedom, more individuality, and asks what must I give up to keep that person, can I live with her/him.

I know there are couples out there that have joined together that are divorce and widowed.
I ask the single dating crowd, what are your thoughts? Tell me of your experiences.
 

I think you're right and I feel the same about it. People who've been divorced sometimes carry bitterness towards the opposite sex and it becomes obvious as the relationship progresses. Widows and widowers like each other better almost right away. Sometimes too much. :giggle:
 
I can only share my thoughts and experiences, being both divorced and widowed. Both types have baggage, but different types.
Many divorcees carry bitterness because of the divorce, plus there may be the burden of child support and alimony. The ex spouse may be jealous of the person having a new relationship and may seek to disrupt it.
With widowers, there is a chance of the deceased spouse being elevated to "sainthood", regardless of the flaws the person had. Also, there may be the problem of the children accepting the new person in the relationship.
 

When I was dating, I kept running into the divorced guys who "couldn't trust another woman after their *horrible* divorces".

So I thought I'd give widowers a try, thinking that if they had a good marriage, maybe they'd be more amenable to remarriage or a serious relationship.

I went out on 6 dates with a guy I was really interested in but he never tried to even kiss me. A couple of times I pecked him on the cheek at the end of a date.

Finally, he said that he just couldn't go on dating because he couldn't get over the feeling he was "cheating" on his late wife. She had died 10 years before.
 
Alot about Late in life relationships centers around the Money. Many are set with Inheritance or Retirement benefits + insurances.
Some likely choose a romantic relationship with written rights of the other person in their wills for the legal inheritors to sort out.

Of course, Lawyers and Judges will cost a bit also. Most surely few wish to remain alone and in a day camp if they can have a partner and live at home with them. Either place or both places.

Sure, there are the Day Camp romances too.
 
jujube said:
When I was dating, I kept running into the divorced guys who "couldn't trust another woman after their *horrible* divorces".

So I thought I'd give widowers a try, thinking that if they had a good marriage, maybe they'd be more amenable to remarriage or a serious relationship.

I went out on 6 dates with a guy I was really interested in but he never tried to even kiss me. A couple of times I pecked him on the cheek at the end of a date.

Finally, he said that he just couldn't go on dating because he couldn't get over the feeling he was "cheating" on his late wife. She had died 10 years before.
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I imagine some men have problems with taking advantage of a casual person who just doesn't trigger em. Older doesn't mean
Hornier. Maybe just hang in there keep hunting for Mr. right guy who wants only you.. Heck sometimes my wife doesn't hear
what I say. Is that what keeps "ketching" me? I ain't got a clue!

__________________________
 
After my husband died I was not in financial need of another partner. By the time I was ready (and I WAS ready!) for another man, my mother suddenly died and then I had my first bout with cancer, which brought a host of other medical problems. So, I missed my chance, I'm sure.
 
chic said:
I think you're right and I feel the same about it. People who've been divorced sometimes carry bitterness towards the opposite sex and it becomes obvious as the relationship progresses. Widows and widowers like each other better almost right away. Sometimes too much. :giggle:
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I agree, who knows what triggers the got ta have it ?
 
I never understood why old people talk about "dating" as much as they do. I almost laugh when I hear old folks using the term "dating", as if they were in high school.

Dating is over. That's a dance people do when they're young and looking to mate in order to build a family.

There will be no children nor families brought by any of our unions. Why keep on obsessing with these so-called relationships? They rarely if ever work out anyway. ( I said rarely, not never.)

Companionship is nice but that's as good as it gets, now.
 
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jujube said:
When I was dating, I kept running into the divorced guys who "couldn't trust another woman after their *horrible* divorces".

So I thought I'd give widowers a try, thinking that if they had a good marriage, maybe they'd be more amenable to remarriage or a serious relationship.

I went out on 6 dates with a guy I was really interested in but he never tried to even kiss me. A couple of times I pecked him on the cheek at the end of a date.

Finally, he said that he just couldn't go on dating because he couldn't get over the feeling he was "cheating" on his late wife. She had died 10 years before.
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That's the drawback with widowers. I've had 1 close friend and 1 coworker who were widowed and this is something they talked about a lot, especially when people tried to hook them up with women they thought were a good match for them.

The close friend finally started dating about 5 years after he lost his wife, and remarried 8 years after. The coworker never dated, never remarried, died a widower and was buried next to his wife....who was a very lovely person, btw. Everybody loved her.
 
I haven’t actually dated in ages, so I only have indirect evidence based on chat rooms.

The divorced women generally say they are happily single and have no desire to remarry.

The widows seem to be mixed in their opinions. Some miss having a partner and want another ASAP. Others can’t bear the pain of losing another partner and don’t want to get too serious with anyone as a result.
 
Sciguy said:
I haven’t actually dated in ages, so I only have indirect evidence based on chat rooms.

The divorced women generally say they are happily single and have no desire to remarry.

The widows seem to be mixed in their opinions. Some miss having a partner and want another ASAP. Others can’t bear the pain of losing another partner and don’t want to get too serious with anyone as a result.
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I lost my love many years ago. She just quit living one Monday Morning about 10:30 am. Heart just stopped. A great deal of myself went away that day also. I realized some months later I had to change everything, directions and Stuff. I couldn't continue as it had always been.

I found the Ladies everywhere quite fascinating and alluring as hell. It could be because I was in great shape too. Most were quite forward. So you know it is a 2 way street was my thoughts.

Anyway, it took a while and then I met my Wife of the future. Who knows about a future? Can any man actually know for sure? Quiet leadership?
 
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RadishRose said:
I never understood why old people talk about "dating" as much as they do. I almost laugh when I hear old folks using the term "dating", as if they were in high school.

Dating is over. That's a dance people do when they're young and looking to mate in order to build a family.

There will be no children nor families brought by any of our unions. Why keep on obsessing with these so-called relationships? They rarely if ever work out anyway. ( I said rarely, not never.)

Companionship is nice but that's as good as it gets, now.
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I agree. I always thought the term sounded rather “high schoolish“ Like from one of those shorts they used to show teenagers in the 1950’s.
 
I don't feel that dating is just high school. When I dated BF he was a grieving widower and it WAS a date. I was nervous and so was he, he spilled his coffee all over the table. He recovers quickly which made me believe we might make a go of it. Despite our previous experience, it was like we were 16 - inside. :giggle:
 
January said:
What do people suggest it is called if not 'dating'??

We all know what the term means, why invent another one?
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That first trip out to meet a possible opportunity for a relationship has to be a very simple date doesn't it.
So many choices are yours to make, that afternoon, evening, lunch, dinner or whatever. You're not just stuck!

________________________
 
I think there is more to be looked at. This shouldn't be at the top of the list of winnowing criteria. Some people take a long time to put themselves together after losing a spouse. Some never do and will always be broken emotionally. Some divorces are horrific.
 
I have spent most of my life married. After my divorce 3 years ago I decided if I met someone I liked I would certainly date but I am never going to live with someone again. It hasn’t happened and probably won’t at my age.

A friend of mine that’s 78 has joined 4 dating sites and has been on the hunt for a partner 8 months after her husband died. She doesn’t like being alone. She’s went on dates but nothing has worked out. It sounds like too much work to me 🤣.
 
Teacher Terry said:
A friend of mine that’s 78 has joined 4 dating sites and has been on the hunt for a partner 8 months after her husband died. She doesn’t like being alone. She’s went on dates but nothing has worked out. It sounds like too much work to me 🤣.
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It is a lot of work. Compatible views and mutual chemistry are hard to find, and when you throw in health and financial compatibility it really narrows the field. I can't imagine trying that a decade from now myself.
 
bowmore said:
I can only share my thoughts and experiences, being both divorced and widowed. Both types have baggage, but different types.
Many divorcees carry bitterness because of the divorce, plus there may be the burden of child support and alimony. The ex spouse may be jealous of the person having a new relationship and may seek to disrupt it.
With widowers, there is a chance of the deceased spouse being elevated to "sainthood", regardless of the flaws the person had. Also, there may be the problem of the children accepting the new person in the relationship.
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Well said. I agree.
 
RadishRose said:
I never understood why old people talk about "dating" as much as they do. I almost laugh when I hear old folks using the term "dating", as if they were in high school.

Dating is over. That's a dance people do when they're young and looking to mate in order to build a family.

There will be no children nor families brought by any of our unions. Why keep on obsessing with these so-called relationships? They rarely if ever work out anyway. ( I said rarely, not never.)

Companionship is nice but that's as good as it gets, now.
Click to expand...

I can’t agree. Plenty of men and women enjoy having someone special in their lives. Relationships are work. But the rewards are nice.
 

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