Does It Make Us Stronger or Do We Just Break?

carouselsilver said:
It's hard to say. I have been through some pretty horrible things that at the time, I was convinced that this would be the end. And yet here I am still standing, somehow.
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Me too. Congratulations on still standing. That is something to be proud of.
GoodEnuff said:
I do believe there may come a time when you break. But that time is not today.
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That is my concern. That one day soon I may just take off running through the woods pulling my hair and screaming. They'll find me decades later sitting on a rock talking to squirrels.
 
Aunt Bea said:

IMO the last straw is when we finally see the lesson, accept it, and move on.​

​

“There is no such thing as the last straw. There is only hay.”​

- Mark Z. Danielewski
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Oh, I think there is definitely such a thing as a last straw. Each person has his or her own limit. Sometimes we have to make decisions where there is no good answer.

Suicide would not exist if there were no last straw.
 
DebraMae said:
The old saying that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger is debatable. Do you think that is true or does there come a time when that last straw just breaks you?
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I don't agree with the old saying. In the last 4 years I've experienced trauma and being dealing with chronic stress. I'm through the worst of it, but I'm not stronger. I'm now trying to heal from a severe burnout situation as my nervous system took a massive hit. Sometimes life events just deplete you. Of course everyone's situation is unique to them.
 
DebraMae said:
Oh, I think there is definitely such a thing as a last straw. Each person has his or her own limit. Sometimes we have to make decisions where there is no good answer.

Suicide would not exist if there were no last straw.
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I understand what you are saying but IMO suicide is just one of many options that we are free to choose from when we face almost any problem.

Sometimes it may be the best option but it is never the only option.
 
DebraMae said:
Me too. Congratulations on still standing. That is something to be proud of.

That is my concern. That one day soon I may just take off running through the woods pulling my hair and screaming. They'll find me decades later sitting on a rock talking to squirrels.
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well me too..I have seen and known people who have crumbled and lost it at what I would consider the slightest thing..people who have never endured real trauma... and there's people like me , and you , and @carouselsilver and other who have been throug living hell, that most people will never see , feel or endure.. and yet we're still not running screaming through the woods..

Not to say we don't feel terrible and have the same or worse pain about what's happened, or forget ...in fact sometimes it's very much at the forefront of my mind even now.. but it always lives at the back of my mind, it never ever leaves..I wish it would ....but for some reason I think of my mind being built like a British house.. all concrete and not easily broken, and those who fall at the slightest hurdles , they've been born with minds made like mud huts, made of straw.. and easily broken
 
Aunt Bea said:
I understand what you are saying but IMO suicide is just one of many options that we are free to choose from when we face almost any problem.

Sometimes it may be the best option but it is never the only option.
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I understand what you are saying too.
Lael said:
I don't agree with the old saying. In the last 4 years I've experienced trauma and being dealing with chronic stress. I'm through the worst of it, but I'm not stronger. I'm now trying to heal from a severe burnout situation as my nervous system took a massive hit. Sometimes life events just deplete you. Of course everyone's situation is unique to them.
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That's the word for how I feel, depleted. Of course throughout a lifetime we fight many battles and some things have made me stronger to handle other things.

It may be due to my age but now I feel like I just cannot handle one more thing.
 
hollydolly said:
well me too..I have seen and known people who have crumbled and lost it at what I would consider the slightest thing..people who have never endured real trauma... and there's people like me , and you , and @carouselsilver and other who have been throug living hell, that most people will never see , feel or endure.. and yet we're still not running screaming through the woods..

Not to say we don't feel terrible and have the same or worse pain about what's happened, or forget ...in fact sometimes it's very much at the forefront of my mind even now.. but it always lives at the back of my mind, it never ever leaves..I wish it would ....but for some reason I think of my mind being built like a British house.. all concrete and not easily broken, and those who fall at the slightest hurdles , they've been born with minds made like mud huts, made of straw.. and easily broken
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I like the example of house structure for how we deal. All of the adversity I dealt with made my house strong!
 
It never ends even now.. today after my traumatic experience yesterday...some nasty beech on my how was your day thread..suggested that my abdominal surgery was probably for weight loss...how nasty can you be,,,?..

..so even to this day I can't even be ill, be in pain, have surgery cancelled at a moment's notice, without some nasty comment on this forum.. it just beggars belief... it's almost like we survivors are given 3 people's mental strength when we're born to have to keep going on without collapse...
 
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DebraMae said:
Oh, I think there is definitely such a thing as a last straw. Each person has his or her own limit. Sometimes we have to make decisions where there is no good answer.

Suicide would not exist if there were no last straw.
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I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. It looks like some kind of decision needs to be made. I'm not a good decision maker because I want to feel 100% confident I'm making the right one. Sometimes, we just have to go with the 75% that feels right and go with it, if that's possible in whatever situation it is that you're facing right now. There are never guarantees, and the longer I postpone a decision, the more difficult it becomes.
 
hollydolly said:
those who fall at the slightest hurdles , they've been born with minds made like mud huts, made of straw.. and easily broken
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I think it all depends on the life events one has been through. Some may have been born with a different mental disposition, and when it comes to life adversity they crumble mentally.

hollydolly said:
it's almost like we survivors are given 3 people's mental strength when we're born to have to keep going on without collapse
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I've been through a lot of trauma in my life and my mind is fine. I probably have the mental strength of a cat (9 lives). It's my nervous system, it has taken a toll. So when your nervous system is in constant "fight or fight" you are physically affected.
 
hollydolly said:
It neer ends even now.. today after my traumatic experinece yesterday...some nasty beech on my how was your day thread..suggested that my abdominal surgery was probably for weight loss...how nasty can you be,,,?..

..so even to this day I can't even be ill, be in pain, have surgery cancleed at a momant's notice, without some nasty comment on this forum.. it just beggars belief... it's almost like we survivors are given 3 people's mental strength when we're born to have to keep going on without collapse...
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Yes, and don't you just love when someone says "just get over it".
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I'm so sorry for how you're feeling. It looks like some kind of decision needs to be made. I'm not a good decision maker because I want to feel 100% confident I'm making the right one. Sometimes, we just have to go with the 75% that feels right and go with it, if that's possible in whatever situation it is that you're facing right now. There are never guarantees, and the longer I postpone a decision, the more difficult it becomes.
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I think I know what my decision has to be but it breaks my heart. There is no 75% right. It is all wrong.
 
Lael said:
I think it all depends on the life events one has been through. Some may have been born with a different mental disposition, and when it comes to life adversity they crumble mentally.


I've been through a lot of trauma in my life and my mind is fine. I probably have the mental strength of a cat (9 lives). It's my nervous system, it has taken a toll. So when your nervous system is in constant "fight or fight" you are physically affected.
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yep that's how it's affected me..my mind is ..so-so ok.. but my nerves are shot...
 
I do find tho'' that conversations like this do help to try and keep the overwhelming feeling that it can be sometimes... that you're not the only one...

Sometimes if I haven't spoken to anyone for a while in real life, my mind starts overthinking things or remembering past things that threaten to come back and overwhelm me ..and they really start to become huge in my mind again despite happening a long time ago... then when there are discussions like this it's like taking the lid off the pot and preventing the rice from boiling over ..when you realise and remember other people have sufered badly too..
 
hollydolly said:
I do find tho'' that conversations like this do help to try and keep the overwhelming feeling that it can be sometimes... that you're not the only one...

Sometimes if I haven't spoken to anyone for a while in real life, my mind starts overthinking things or remembering past things that threaten to come back and overwhelm me ..and they really start to become huge in my mind again despite happening a long time ago... then when there are discussions like this it's like taking the lid off the pot and preventing the rice from boiling over ..when you realise and remember other people have sufered badly too..
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Yes, when you have been through something most people can't imagine it is difficult to discuss. Sometimes it saves you just to hear someone say "I understand".
 
My husband had a lovely older brother, the eldest son in a family of 10 children. One morning my husband got a phone call to say his brother had been found at the bottom of a cliff. He rushed over to his home and the police were there asking questions. It seems he went for a walk around the cliff face, near his property, and decided to take his life.
The story came out in the end that his brother, who had the most loving relationship with his wife of 50 years, found out she had Alsheimer's which had been diagnosed a few years before and no longer recognised him. He couldn't face it any longer. My husband was devastated that he didn't confide in him. He kept the secret and never told his siblings. Of course, his children were heartbroken as well.
 
DebraMae said:
Yes, when you have been through something most people can't imagine it is difficult to discuss. Sometimes it saves you just to hear someone say "I understand".
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Exactly ....

let me give you a small example.. I was telling my husband about a certain situation in my family where I was routinely beaten with a belt... and how I had to work before school from age 12 and didn't get paid, because my father was the boss. and he even took my tips from me, I soon learned not to complain because that would mean the belt coming out...

..because my husband had a rosy childhood, no smackings, his parents never raised their voices even to their children, the kids were given all they need, best schools.. and so on ( exact opposite to mine ) ..... he didn't understand that.. and countered it with how he felt ''scarred'' because as a child he was expected to put the bins out....

I'm not kidding.. .. this is just a small example of someone an otherwise highly intelligent man ( but with little emotional intelligence) who didn't have a clue what I was talking about.. but he felt traumatised by having to be expected to carry out a chore which he didn't want to do.. and thought he was comparing like for like
 

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