Tough Video Essay: Nursing Home Life

dilettante

dilettante

Well-known Member
Location
Michigan
Why I Regret Moving into a Nursing Home – 6 Hard Truths You Must Know! elderly wisdom

I'm not sure this wasn't read by a robot voice, but it seems to sound very true. Perhaps it was written from experience, maybe just the experience of a care worker.

In any case there is plenty here for me to think about even though I don't feel on the verge of such a decision myself.
 

I have had enuf experience with nursing homes to know that I dont want to live there.
Ive been the designated caregiver for a number of people in my family and the husbands.

My thoughts are if you have your wits about you and are ambulatory then theres no reason why you cant stay in your own home.
Its also cheaper to provide inhome services. Groceries and meals can be delivered. Aides will come to help you bathe etc.
Doctors do home visits or you can do Telemed.
 
The thing is a nursing home is for those who cannot live independently without any problems. Alzheimer's, dementia, unable to wash, feed self.

If you can get up and walk around and read a book and choose when to eat, then you need to be in an independent living situation not a nursing home.

I was at one subsidized housing complex for we had one woman who was 92 years of age and still could get around a bit. She later fell and said to be taken to a nursing home because she could not care for herself anymore.

But we had many women who were 85 to '90 still had their wits about them. Then again, we had three who would get out of there apartment and wander the halls and sometimes get downstairs, most of the time they were dressed.
 
I didn't know if I wanted to watch a 15 minute video, but I did.

Both my parents went to nursing homes. My wife and I went to see them, but the video spoke about those who never have visitors - true, and many of them are like that, All the rest of what the video said is true also, in addition to lots of other bad conditions not mentioned, like the wails of residents in pain who pushed a call button, but waited for hours for staff to come, or the frequent stench of bowel movements wafting through the place, the sound of breathing machines, bruised and demented patients calling out to people in hallways for help and being ignored.

Forget having good clothing. It will be ruined in hot water washing machines, or lost by staff, unless the family does the laundry. Personal items in the nightstand will be stolen by staff or residents who get confused.

But the video makes it seem some people choose to go on their own, but my dad couldn't get in without a doctor committing him (or whatever it's called when a doctor orders it). Same with my mom when she went in a few years later.

The money I have wouldn't last long in a NH, but if I get dementia or need constant care, a NH will probably be my fate. When I run out of funds, the State of Texas (Medicaid) will pay the balance not covered by my SS benefit. I'm not happy with thinking the day might come I have to go, but don't know what else I could do, so I would go.

He pointed out the difficulties in getting out of the NH if you change your mind. I'm not so sure that part is right. It's not a prison - but most residents do stay. It's their dismal last stop before the graveyard.
 
These tips reflect my experiences during year 2020 of having lived in two Las Vegas ASFs; one I would give an “F” grade and the other an ”A+”

Step 1 Plan ahead. Take your time Consult with others (but do not trust internet raters such as YELP) You are deciding where, with whom, and how you are going to spend the rest of your life!

Step 2 Decide what services you want. Many ALFs have a base price for room, board, transportation, laundry, TV and internet

Usually included in the basic package are in-house activities such as movies, bingo, exercise groups, and holiday celebrations.

Usually NOT included are ala cart menu for services such as medication management, assisted bathing, etc. Price can very … read the fine print!

Step 3 Develop a budget to determine how much you can afford. My friend @MACKTEXAS lists necessities such as “Clothing and other personal needs, health insurance premiums, prescriptions, and such” to be budgeted for. Also include gifts and, of course, candy! If possible, use a financial planner to address investments and income; some municipalities have Social Services folks who provide financial planning services to Seniors.

Step 4 Make a list of the ALFs you will visit that meet your “must meet” criteria such as cost, services, and location.

Step 5 Obtain and study a copy of the ALF’s contract and price sheet BEFORE your first visit. Develop a list of questions such as …

Is this a lease or can you terminate the contract and leave the facility on 30 days’ notice?

Is there a move-in and/or charge? If so, how much is it?

Step 6 Make your first visit the “free food” one conducted by the ALF hostess, Ask the questions you have prepared.

Step 7 Check out the external area of the ALF.

My “grade F” ALF was in a commercially zoned area and bounded on two sides by heavily trafficked, very noisy streets. It had no outside landscaping. Its physical condition was poor with deteriorating carpets and frequent plumbing and electrical problems.

My “grade A+” ALF was located in a quiet residential area. It had beautiful landscaping which was maintained under contract. I never noticed plumbingor electrical problems. The carpeting and drapes were first class.

Step 8 Evaluate the food

My “grade F” ALF served cheap meals like hamburger helper and fish sticks. Coffee was served in tiny styliform cups. Water, juice, and milk served in tiny plastic cups. Meals served on plastic plates. Utensils are all plastic. Everything on the cheap.

My “grade A+” ALF had great food served on China plates with metal utensils. Drinks served in full sized glass containers.

Step 9 Make an unannounced visit and ask the residents how they feel.

My “grade F” ALF residents complained of a lack of organized activities. The general mood was depressing.

My “grade A+” ALF residents enjoyed many activities and were generally happy. I made many friends there. During my last dinner there many of the residents wished me farewell and sang “for he’s a jolly good fellow!” Sadly, I had to return to Oregon to attend to family matters.
 
dilettante said:
Why I Regret Moving into a Nursing Home – 6 Hard Truths You Must Know! elderly wisdom

I'm not sure this wasn't read by a robot voice, but it seems to sound very true. Perhaps it was written from experience, maybe just the experience of a care worker.

In any case there is plenty here for me to think about even though I don't feel on the verge of such a decision myself.
Click to expand...
Well I made the decision and thoroughly enjoyed my stay at the Silver Sky Assisted Living Facility (SSALF) in Las Vegas. I challenge the author of this vid to visit SSALF and find ANY of the "Truths"

The following tips reflect my experiences during year 2020 of having lived in two Las Vegas ASFs; one I would give an “F” grade and the other an ”A+”

Step 1 Plan ahead. Take your time Consult with others (but do not trust internet raters such as YELP) You are deciding where, with whom, and how you are going to spend the rest of your life!

Step 2 Decide what services you want. Many ALFs have a base price for room, board, transportation, laundry, TV and internet

Usually included in the basic package are in-house activities such as movies, bingo, exercise groups, and holiday celebrations.

Usually NOT included are ala cart menu for services such as medication management, assisted bathing, etc. Price can very … read the fine print!

Step 3 Develop a budget to determine how much you can afford. My friend @MACKTEXAS lists necessities such as “Clothing and other personal needs, health insurance premiums, prescriptions, and such” to be budgeted for. Also include gifts and, of course, candy! If possible, use a financial planner to address investments and income; some municipalities have Social Services folks who provide financial planning services to Seniors.

Step 4 Make a list of the ALFs you will visit that meet your “must meet” criteria such as cost, services, and location.

Step 5 Obtain and study a copy of the ALF’s contract and price sheet BEFORE your first visit. Develop a list of questions such as …

Is this a lease or can you terminate the contract and leave the facility on 30 days’ notice?

Is there a move-in and/or charge? If so, how much is it?

Step 6 Make your first visit the “free food” one conducted by the ALF hostess, Ask the questions you have prepared.

Step 7 Check out the external area of the ALF.

My “grade F” ALF was in a commercially zoned area and bounded on two sides by heavily trafficked, very noisy streets. It had no outside landscaping. Its physical condition was poor with deteriorating carpets and frequent plumbing and electrical problems.

My “grade A+” ALF was located in a quiet residential area. It had beautiful landscaping which was maintained under contract. I never noticed plumbingor electrical problems. The carpeting and drapes were first class.

Step 8 Evaluate the food

My “grade F” ALF served cheap meals like hamburger helper and fish sticks. Coffee was served in tiny styliform cups. Water, juice, and milk served in tiny plastic cups. Meals served on plastic plates. Utensils are all plastic. Everything on the cheap.

My “grade A+” ALF had great food served on China plates with metal utensils. Drinks served in full sized glass containers.

Step 9 Make an unannounced visit and ask the residents how they feel.

My “grade F” ALF residents complained of a lack of organized activities. The general mood was depressing.

My “grade A+” ALF residents enjoyed many activities and were generally happy. I made many friends there. During my last dinner there many of the residents wished me farewell and sang “for he’s a jolly good fellow!” Sadly, I had to return to Oregon to attend to family matters.
 
There was a small place not too far from here that from driving by didn't look bad. Good location, in good repair as far as I can tell diving by, etc. However it seemed to suddenly shut down and get mothballed after Covid. Still has a web site, lawns being mowed, but otherwise a ghost town now.

Makes me wonder what happens to make these fold up and where the residents end up.
 
over time I have worked in a cross section of such places - if you want top quality and excellent care at least then you have to pay top dollar - ok if you can make it matey? living alone in your own place is very independent sure but can as hell be very lonely and boring. it depends on each of us as an individual and personality - what do we prefer and not everyone else -and badgering family members need the boot!! If you value above all else your absolute independence then stay with it don't go with the herd. some people enjoy the herd??
 
dusty said:
When I first went into medicine the first job I got was in a nursing home. It is just as this video describes.
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Well I won't call it grim, but it does sound confining. It must be horrible to almost be a "thing" than a person when your world closes down so small.

Sort of like the life of a typical pet or something.
 
Veronica said:
My thoughts are if you have your wits about you and are ambulatory then theres no reason why you cant stay in your own home.
Its also cheaper to provide inhome services. Groceries and meals can be delivered. Aides will come to help you bathe etc.
Doctors do home visits or you can do Telemed.
Click to expand...
I don't know where you live, but your suggestions wouldn't work in California. It is NOT cheaper to provide inhome services; on an hourly basis home healthcare is almost twice what 24/7 facility care costs. And essentially, due to liability insurance, they just baby-sit. HHC aides are not allowed to dispense medications or ANYTHING to do with medical assessments, tests, or procedures. They are not allowed to even change sterile dressings or apply prescribed ointments without nursing oversight or "self-directed care".

They can help you bathe or shower, but they do not do laundry, housekeeping, or dishwashing. If you fall, and there is any indication you are injured, they are not allowed to help you up, but instead to call for emergency assistance.

Unfortunately, the days of a doctor making home visits is long gone. Telemedicine has its limits; it is not a solution for everything and certainly not for anything major that would include having tests scheduled (our HMO uses telemedicine but on a limited basis). I'm in the midst of 4 appts within 2 month's time; none of those appts can be done via Zoom - it would be great if they could be, LOL!

It's important that seniors understand the difference between Asst/Independent Living care, and the more intensive care required for Skilled Care Nursing. The latter, which is what one thinks of as "nursing homes", is care for the disabled, convalescents recovering from illnesses/surgeries, and Memory Care.

Veronica, what you are describing is a situation for seniors who are able to do Assisted or Independent Living. It is very often NOT possible for those requiring SCN.

One of our friends is struggling with her husband rapidly declining from dementia. He fell recently - a tall, very thin man - and it took three people to get him back on his feet: his wife, his son, and his DIL. AL or home healthcare is not an option for this situation, and it's one that I believe is familiar to many people, either personally or through third-hand anecdotes.

A sad fact that with an aging global population, this kind of situation will become more and more common.
 
Lethe200 said:
I don't know where you live, but your suggestions wouldn't work in California. It is NOT cheaper to provide inhome services; on an hourly basis home healthcare is almost twice what 24/7 facility care costs. And essentially, due to liability insurance, they just baby-sit. HHC aides are not allowed to dispense medications or ANYTHING to do with medical assessments, tests, or procedures. They are not allowed to even change sterile dressings or apply prescribed ointments without nursing oversight or "self-directed care".

They can help you bathe or shower, but they do not do laundry, housekeeping, or dishwashing. If you fall, and there is any indication you are injured, they are not allowed to help you up, but instead to call for emergency assistance.

Unfortunately, the days of a doctor making home visits is long gone. Telemedicine has its limits; it is not a solution for everything and certainly not for anything major that would include having tests scheduled (our HMO uses telemedicine but on a limited basis). I'm in the midst of 4 appts within 2 month's time; none of those appts can be done via Zoom - it would be great if they could be, LOL!

It's important that seniors understand the difference between Asst/Independent Living care, and the more intensive care required for Skilled Care Nursing. The latter, which is what one thinks of as "nursing homes", is care for the disabled, convalescents recovering from illnesses/surgeries, and Memory Care.

Veronica, what you are describing is a situation for seniors who are able to do Assisted or Independent Living. It is very often NOT possible for those requiring SCN.

One of our friends is struggling with her husband rapidly declining from dementia. He fell recently - a tall, very thin man - and it took three people to get him back on his feet: his wife, his son, and his DIL. AL or home healthcare is not an option for this situation, and it's one that I believe is familiar to many people, either personally or through third-hand anecdotes.

A sad fact that with an aging global population, this kind of situation will become more and more common.
Click to expand...

I understand mileage varies depending on location. Around here its cheaper. Im not familiar with your friends situation but they might be able to apply for Medicaid. I dont want to write a book but only the person applying for medicaid is required to spend down. The "community spouse" is allowed to keep a house, car, a monthly income, and some savings. BTDT with the husband.

Here in the midwest we have a service called Visiting Physicians. I looked online and I think I saw they service some parts of California. Mom had this service. The doctor and a nurse showed up with a van and portable equipment. They billed her insurance same as in office.
 
Lethe200 said:
I don't know where you live, but your suggestions wouldn't work in California. It is NOT cheaper to provide inhome services; on an hourly basis home healthcare is almost twice what 24/7 facility care costs. And essentially, due to liability insurance, they just baby-sit. HHC aides are not allowed to dispense medications or ANYTHING to do with medical assessments, tests, or procedures. They are not allowed to even change sterile dressings or apply prescribed ointments without nursing oversight or "self-directed care".

They can help you bathe or shower, but they do not do laundry, housekeeping, or dishwashing. If you fall, and there is any indication you are injured, they are not allowed to help you up, but instead to call for emergency assistance.

Unfortunately, the days of a doctor making home visits is long gone. Telemedicine has its limits; it is not a solution for everything and certainly not for anything major that would include having tests scheduled (our HMO uses telemedicine but on a limited basis). I'm in the midst of 4 appts within 2 month's time; none of those appts can be done via Zoom - it would be great if they could be, LOL!

It's important that seniors understand the difference between Asst/Independent Living care, and the more intensive care required for Skilled Care Nursing. The latter, which is what one thinks of as "nursing homes", is care for the disabled, convalescents recovering from illnesses/surgeries, and Memory Care.

Veronica, what you are describing is a situation for seniors who are able to do Assisted or Independent Living. It is very often NOT possible for those requiring SCN.

One of our friends is struggling with her husband rapidly declining from dementia. He fell recently - a tall, very thin man - and it took three people to get him back on his feet: his wife, his son, and his DIL. AL or home healthcare is not an option for this situation, and it's one that I believe is familiar to many people, either personally or through third-hand anecdotes.

A sad fact that with an aging global population, this kind of situation will become more and more common.
Click to expand...
I totally agree.
Living in your own home is very dangerous!
I totally enjoyed my stay in an assisted living facility. Social interaction keeps our minds active and is outright enjoyable....you do not get that living alone.
 
January said:
isnt there Rick who has moved into a nursing home and was posting here?

What are your first hand experience Rick?
Click to expand...
It depends on the level of care one needs. The person in the video feels confined, regimented, and restricted. And she feels she was able to do all those things for herself, so what the hell was she doing in a nursing home? Nursing homes are not retirement spas, they are not land locked cruise ships. They only reason to be in a nursing home is because someone cannot maintain themselves without constant intervention. Are people unhappy about being somehow disabled and need to be in a nursing home? I know I was just thrilled to be in one.
And, yes, I wanted to get out of my nursing home, and go back to my home, but I knew my stay was temporary. Yes, there were mealtimes. I guess if you didn't like that you could book a suite at the Plaza, NYC. Living in a nursing home is what you make of it.
That said, are there warehouse type places and dumps. Yes. Ask around and everybody knows which are those places.
My experience was positive, but you realize you aren't in your own home, yet you can make it a home.
 
My mother was a registered nurse and worked in a nursing home. The people were unable to care for themselves but they did receive meals and she distributed medicine that the doctors ordered for them. I used to go in to see her at times and took my little girl who was a toddler. The people loved seeing my daughter and it brought cheer to some of them. Mom cared so much for them and was upset when they died. I think it was a nice place that was clean and they took good care of the patients who were in there. This was many years ago but still operated by the state rules.
 
Everyone says "adopt a pet from the shelter!". That is what I think when I enter a nursing home. Wishing I was an elder in Japan where being elderly is an honor and you are treated so.

Americans care more for stray animals than they do their elders.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
I didn't know if I wanted to watch a 15 minute video, but I did.

Both my parents went to nursing homes. My wife and I went to see them, but the video spoke about those who never have visitors - true, and many of them are like that, All the rest of what the video said is true also, in addition to lots of other bad conditions not mentioned, like the wails of residents in pain who pushed a call button, but waited for hours for staff to come, or the frequent stench of bowel movements wafting through the place, the sound of breathing machines, bruised and demented patients calling out to people in hallways for help and being ignored.

Forget having good clothing. It will be ruined in hot water washing machines, or lost by staff, unless the family does the laundry. Personal items in the nightstand will be stolen by staff or residents who get confused.

But the video makes it seem some people choose to go on their own, but my dad couldn't get in without a doctor committing him (or whatever it's called when a doctor orders it). Same with my mom when she went in a few years later.

The money I have wouldn't last long in a NH, but if I get dementia or need constant care, a NH will probably be my fate. When I run out of funds, the State of Texas (Medicaid) will pay the balance not covered by my SS benefit. I'm not happy with thinking the day might come I have to go, but don't know what else I could do, so I would go.

He pointed out the difficulties in getting out of the NH if you change your mind. I'm not so sure that part is right. It's not a prison - but most residents do stay. It's their dismal last stop before the graveyard.
Click to expand...
Not to be a debbie downer but it is hard, and only going to get harder. That's life. Sometimes best not to worry about it, maybe.
 

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