Ever feel like you don't belong anywhere?

Cornhusker

Cornhusker

Member
Location
Nebraska Panhandle
The last year or so, I've been feeling like I don't belong. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
Some days I get the lonelies, I guess I get the blues and just can't seem to get interested in anything much.
I used to enjoy working around the farm, building things, shooting, puttering with old cars, etc.
Now it seems like I spend time at work just waiting for time to go home, and when I get Home, I do what has to be done, then I sit and watch TV hoping for bedtime to get here.
I have grandkids about 30 miles away, but only see them a couple times a month, and my boys live hundreds of miles away.
I live with a chain-smoking alcoholic who spends half her time at her sister's house drinking, days in a row and I rarely see her to speak to her these days.
I'm not saying I would harm myself, and honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
I just wanted to get some of this stuff out, and there isn't really anyone I can talk to about these things.
Is this normal when you get old? (66)
Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself?
 

I used to frequent a couple of places that were very friendly and welcoming; the town’s senior citizens center and my library’s senior citizens book club, but I now feel out of place, that I don’t belong because nearly every topic and discussion among those in attendance becomes combative, almost as if the only reason they’re coming is to raise a ruckus or try to bully someone.

Religion and politics used to be discussed politely, calmly agreeing to disagree but no more. I can’t believe the sudden and abrupt turn these places made. I went to combat my grief after losing my wife. Those activities were a great diversion, but now I’m back in the rut.

The only bright spot is the FaceTime my great-granddaughter and I sometimes do. She doesn’t know it, but she’s the only thing keeping me from going insane.
 

Cornhusker said:
The last year or so, I've been feeling like I don't belong. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
Some days I get the lonelies, I guess I get the blues and just can't seem to get interested in anything much.
I used to enjoy working around the farm, building things, shooting, puttering with old cars, etc.
Now it seems like I spend time at work just waiting for time to go home, and when I get Home, I do what has to be done, then I sit and watch TV hoping for bedtime to get here.
I have grandkids about 30 miles away, but only see them a couple times a month, and my boys live hundreds of miles away.
I live with a chain-smoking alcoholic who spends half her time at her sister's house drinking, days in a row and I rarely see her to speak to her these days.
I'm not saying I would harm myself, and honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
I just wanted to get some of this stuff out, and there isn't really anyone I can talk to about these things.
Is this normal when you get old? (66)
Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself?
Click to expand...
I understand what you're saying. Many of us get those feelings. When they overtake me, I make myself do something to get out of the house for most of the day, even if I don't want to. A drive to another town, a movie at a theater. It's not a permanent fix, but it's often enough of a change to help.
 
MaddHollander said:
I used to frequent a couple of places that were very friendly and welcoming; the town’s senior citizens center and my library’s senior citizens book club, but I now feel out of place, that I don’t belong because nearly every topic and discussion among those in attendance becomes combative, almost as if the only reason they’re coming is to raise a ruckus or try to bully someone.

Religion and politics used to be discussed politely, calmly agreeing to disagree but no more. I can’t believe the sudden and abrupt turn these places made. I went to combat my grief after losing my wife. Those activities were a great diversion, but now I’m back in the rut.

The only bright spot is the FaceTime my great-granddaughter and I sometimes do. She doesn’t know it, but she’s the only thing keeping me from going insane.
Click to expand...
Please tell her!
 
You are not feeling sorry for yourself. You are in a situation that somehow escalated beyond what you are comfortable with, i.e., the chain-smoking alcoholic is probably not what you envisioned. Only you can make the decision whether you want to continue living with her or get a clean break and start to enjoy life again. Your grandkids seem like they give you a lot of joy and optimism. Spend more time with them if possible. Life is full of bumps and this one looks like a mountain but you can overcome it. Wishing you all the best.
 
astralcat said:
You are not feeling sorry for yourself. You are in a situation that somehow escalated beyond what you are comfortable with, i.e., the chain-smoking alcoholic is probably not what you envisioned. Only you can make the decision whether you want to continue living with her or get a clean break and start to enjoy life again. Your grandkids seem like they give you a lot of joy and optimism. Spend more time with them if possible. Life is full of bumps and this one looks like a mountain but you can overcome it. Wishing you all the best.
Click to expand...
I agree.
 
In life we all go through changes. As we get older we can not overlook some of the things we did in the past. I think you might be approaching a time when you are just plain finished with where you are and are preparing to move forward. Since you are practically living alone now, can you see yoursrlf in a new place on your terms? Have you talked with her regarding the drinking and smoking? Have you offered to help her? Has she responded in a negitive way?

If you can't get her to try to get clean then I see no change for the situation unless you take care of your life andeither leave or set boundries. Also, you might benefit from a few discussions with a therapist regarding this entire thing. And don't feel guilty.
 
Cornhusker said:
The last year or so, I've been feeling like I don't belong. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
Some days I get the lonelies, I guess I get the blues and just can't seem to get interested in anything much.
I used to enjoy working around the farm, building things, shooting, puttering with old cars, etc.
Now it seems like I spend time at work just waiting for time to go home, and when I get Home, I do what has to be done, then I sit and watch TV hoping for bedtime to get here.
I have grandkids about 30 miles away, but only see them a couple times a month, and my boys live hundreds of miles away.
I live with a chain-smoking alcoholic who spends half her time at her sister's house drinking, days in a row and I rarely see her to speak to her these days.
I'm not saying I would harm myself, and honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
I just wanted to get some of this stuff out, and there isn't really anyone I can talk to about these things.
Is this normal when you get old? (66)
Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself?
Click to expand...
It is better not to belong when the situation is so unpleasant. Hopefully you can find a smaller group of likeminded people, if not in person then online.
 
You've come to the right place. Many of us here are friendly folks who watch out and care for each other. Thanks for sharing, if we don't speak up no one knows we are hurting, thank you for that.

I can't help you with your current living situation, however, I offer my friendship as a way to think about other things that might bring a smile or a bit of happiness to you. A word of advice, don't eat the brown acid or the yellow snow.
 
Cornhusker said:
The last year or so, I've been feeling like I don't belong. I don't know how to explain it better than that.
Some days I get the lonelies, I guess I get the blues and just can't seem to get interested in anything much.
I used to enjoy working around the farm, building things, shooting, puttering with old cars, etc.
Now it seems like I spend time at work just waiting for time to go home, and when I get Home, I do what has to be done, then I sit and watch TV hoping for bedtime to get here.
I have grandkids about 30 miles away, but only see them a couple times a month, and my boys live hundreds of miles away.
I live with a chain-smoking alcoholic who spends half her time at her sister's house drinking, days in a row and I rarely see her to speak to her these days.
I'm not saying I would harm myself, and honestly, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
I just wanted to get some of this stuff out, and there isn't really anyone I can talk to about these things.
Is this normal when you get old? (66)
Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself?
Click to expand...

Your grandchildren and your sons live too far away to be in your life as much as you would like and, meantime, you are sharing your home with a chain-smoking alcoholic. Given those circumstances, it would be a surprise if you weren't feeling lonely.

I think it is normal, especially as we get older, to look at our lives and evaluate things but, at 66 you are not too old to make changes to improve your situation but, only you know, what changes you would need to make and whether you are able to make them.

I hope you can find a solution to your current situation as, to be honest, it sounds a pretty miserable way to live.
 
Tried so hard for so many years not to feel like crap. My loneliness came from actually being alone. When I feel bored with TV at night I don't wait for bedtime, I just go to bed, even if it is very early. I go to bed earlier than my 6 year old grandson. Sometimes it gets so boring it's unbearable. Don't wait for bedtime, go to bed, sleep it off.

Could you explain your avatar? why you chose it? I find it very unsettling. What are you trying to say, if anything, by using it? It's so..........empty.
 
@Cornhusker - A lot of what you describe sounds like depression. Please see and talk with professionals, maybe start with your primary care physician. Depression can be a symptom of an underlying health issue. Or maybe it is just situational depression and you need to make some major changes in life to feel better.

I agree with many posters here, getting out of the house to visit family, or doing something out of your comfort zone will make you feel better.
But please don't stop there, please speak with professionals as soon as possible.

Sincere best wishes and I hope you feel better soon.
 
I know how you feel sometimes...when I am vacation alone in a another city,when I am at a concert or event and I feel I am at a party that I wasn't invited to This is a trap for introverts everywhere but they don't admit it
Even if you have company. Theres no solution. You have as much right to be there as anyone else does. Act as if you don't care and you can avoid eye contacts,if that helps,or the opposite to make small talk with someone,if you wish. Going outside is a brief respite only. I am more alone than you btw
 
The best and most timeless advice I was ever given “if you do not like your life…change your life”. Depression can be insidious. But depression it is. Sometimes a short term run of antidepressants can be helpful to give you a bit of peace and rest…but ultimately you have to change your situation to change your feelings. We are friendly here…and freedom to vent is healing and helpful. Good luck getting thru the days till you can.
 
Maybe we can share some ideas on how to manage loneliness if we know of any. I guess my first go-to would be books. (That is if there are no prospects for human interaction or phone calls.) Find authors that inspire or entertain you and order a book or two from one of those discount places like Abebooks or Thriftbooks.

Help someone. Try a new craft. Listen to music that matches your mood. Grow something. Treat yourself to some small gift. (I bought real maple syrup for a splurge.) Check out something new online. Podcasts, art, humor, quotations.

Any ideas?
 
Do I ever feel like I don't belong? Every day of my life, but I'm used to it after all this time.

@Pepper , Your question isn't directed to me, so I'm diverting the thread here, but in the early '70's Nebraska had a slogan: Nebraska, The Good Life. My friend's parents gave him a bumper sticker with that on it. He crossed the good life out and wrote," The Dead Life". Same parent's that bought him L. Ron Hubbard's( another "famous" Nebraskan) book, Dianetics. WTF. Cornhusker's avitar makes sense to me, but really he'll answer for himself. I'm having quite the day and I am not above sharing it with others.
 

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