Orphan Seniors

Lolly

Member
Location
Chicago Area
I was going to put this in the "Retirement" section, however I believe this goes beyond that.. The sociological issues outlined in this article show why a increasing number of elderly will find themselves without caregivers . How many worry about becoming Orphans in their Old, OLD age... when you cannot care for yourself. Do you feel confident your family will care for you and see to your welfare? what steps have you or are you taking to insure your welfare and dignity?

http://amadaseniorcare.com/blog/2015/06/19/orphan-seniors-preparing-for-the-future/

When one hears the word “orphan,” generally images of a child without parents come to mind. But there is a growing population of another kind of orphan in our society. Currently, one-quarter of Americans over 65 are at risk of becoming orphan seniors – individuals who have no children, spouse or other family to take care of them as they age.
Dr. Maria Torroella Carney, chief of geriatric and palliative medicine at North Shore-LIJ Health System, conducted a study that shows the number of orphan seniors is growing and will continue to grow. According to U.S. census data, one-third of Americans between the ages of 45 and 63 are single, which is a 50 percent increase from 1980. Also, 19 percent of women age 40 to 44 are childless, compared with 10 percent in 1980.
 

I find myself in that situation and it does cause me some concern.

I suppose it is actually better to be in my situation than to have a large family that ignores you or takes advantage of you.

I will take it as it comes and keep my eye peeled for a quick exit should the need arise.

At this point I have not done much to prepare. I do not have anyone to name on a medical power of attorney or as an administrator of my estate. I have named beneficiaries on most of my investments and prepaid my final expenses. I hate to put these things in the hands of an attorney that will try to run out the clock on me and my estate.

I'm curious to hear how others are handling this situation.
 
I'm the same as Aunt Bea. Not without *some* design on my part, though. I'm about to the point of making up names and phone numbers on the "who do we notify in case of an emergency" forms. Ha!
 

I believe I will also be in this situation although I have two Sons. I simply don't see either one of them caring for me or even visiting me regularly.. I have no extended family as I was an only child. I am currently married and my husband and I look out for one another, but if he should die before me, I fear I will be an orphan senior..

I haven't yet done anything to prepare for that. I do have substantial assets that I had planned on leaving to my sons, however, I think I will have to look into investing them into a progressive care type living situation which will probably use up most or all of it. I believe there are facilities that provide increasing care as your needs increase, moving you from independent living to assisted living to complete care...as time marches on.
 
I believe I will also be in this situation although I have two Sons. I simply don't see either one of them caring for me or even visiting me regularly.. I have no extended family as I was an only child. I am currently married and my husband and I look out for one another, but if he should die before me, I fear I will be an orphan senior..

I haven't yet done anything to prepare for that. I do have substantial assets that I had planned on leaving to my sons, however, I think I will have to look into investing them into a progressive care type living situation which will probably use up most or all of it. I believe there are facilities that provide increasing care as your needs increase, moving you from independent living to assisted living to complete care...as time marches on.

I have my eye on a couple of similar facilities in my area, you walk in the front door and they have a hearse waiting, with the motor running, at the back door. I still believe that it is important to have an advocate that can oversee your care in a place like that. My grandmother believed that angels only appear when they are needed. Maybe that will be the case for us and others like us, only time will tell.
 
alone single, orphan? yes..... ;) you walk in the front door and they have a hearse waiting, with the motor running, at the back door. I once had plans for the end paperwork but they disappeared along with family. What I worry about is who will tell the providers, utility, phone, bank... etc that I am no long walking this earth.. But when I think about it, I will be dead so who gives a crap... Estate? ya you can give away my beat up car and 11 year old computer and sell my vhs tape movie collection.....
 
I'm presently involved in such a situation. I have an old neighbor who has no family nearby, and has had serious health problems for years. He was married decades ago, and claims to have a daughter and he has no idea of where she is. His brother is 300 miles away, and his sister 500 miles from here. He recently had to go through a couple of months of chemo for a bit of lung cancer, and that completely knocked him on his tail. He has home hospice care, and a couple of weeks ago, the nurse found him virtually helpless on the floor. His brother came down, and had him put in a senior care facility in town. I've been watching his house, taking care of his yard, and taking him his mail. His Sister is supposed to be coming here this week, and the decision of whether or not he can return to his house is debateable. He has shown good improvement with the care at the senior center, but I doubt that he would be able to maintain himself living alone. It's a sad situation, and has us giving serious thought of how we will handle our affairs if we should become so incapacitated.
 
I am absolutely sure my son and daughter will do the right thing when the times comes. My son in law is a doctor and I have told him numerous times not to prolong my life in any way. The one thing I do worry about is before that happens. I don't want to be constantly told what is good for me. I don't want to be told I need to walk around the block every morning when I want to just sit in my recliner, I don't want to be told I need to join this club,go to that meeting or play bingo every week. I'm not that social and would rather be alone. I have many things I do to occupy my time alone,so much so that sometimes I find there aren't enough hours in the day. Like Deucemoi said about belongings. I use to ponder what will become of my things and then figured out it really doesn't matter. I'll be dead.
 
I believe that my sons would make decisions for my care if and when that time arises..and they were called on to do it. What I don't believe is that either one of them would do any of the actual caregiving and certainly would not keep track of me on a daily basis to check on my well being.. I'm thinking I could be dead weeks before anyone found me.. Therefore, I know that while I am able and have my wits about me, I am going to have to make the decision to put my own self in a safe place with proper care.
 
.. Therefore, I know that while I am able and have my wits about me, I am going to have to make the decision to put my own self in a safe place with proper care.
That's what I intend to try to do. Don't know how to go about it though. I wouldn't want any relatives or friends to have to check on me. I'd be willing to pay someone to do it though.
 
That's what I intend to try to do. Don't know how to go about it though. I wouldn't want any relatives or friends to have to check on me. I'd be willing to pay someone to do it though.

Same with me.. I don't know how to do it either.. I know there must be organizations that could provide information.. You see "A Place for Mom".. advertised all the time.. I don't suppose anything would be stopping "Mom" from contacting them to help her find a place for herself.
 
Maybe you (one, not you personally) could set things up with an attorney to handle your affairs. I worry about when they might declare you incapable. Set up some rules in a contract while you still have your wits about you? Like a flowchart. Ha! Maybe a medical professional would be involved. Choosing the place, if it involved a nursing home, for example, could be done ahead of time, except there might be a waiting list when the time comes. ...Just random thoughts here. Sorry.

This must be worked out somewhere. Seems like a common problem.
 
Maybe you (one, not you personally) could set things up with an attorney to handle your affairs. I worry about when they might declare you incapable. Set up some rules in a contract while you still have your wits about you? Like a flowchart. Ha! Maybe a medical professional would be involved. Choosing the place, if it involved a nursing home, for example, could be done ahead of time, except there might be a waiting list when the time comes. ...Just random thoughts here. Sorry.

This must be worked out somewhere. Seems like a common problem.

Having worked in health care, I know that nursing homes go to court on behalf of incapable seniors with no family and get a court appointed guardian assigned who is legally able to make medical and financial decisions on behalf of that senior. The contact I have had with these guardians is getting their permission for medical procedures... They really don't know the senior.. nor do they care.
 
My sisters and I take excellent care of my mother. Though she is still independent, she frequently needs someone to stay with her after surgery and needs monetary help on occasion. She will never do without what she needs as long as one of us is alive.

In my case? I have no illusions that my daughter will take care of me in my old age. My sisters who have children feel the same. I can only hope my money holds out long enough to see me through.
 
In my case, there's no one left... I have no family except for my two sons... One is married, however, his wife and I haven't spoken in 10 years. There is no way I would be moving in with them.. My other son is a bachelor and is a struggling alcoholic.. No way will he be moving back in with me.. He wouldn't not care for me and might even be abusive. SO... I have to come up with some plan of my own before the time comes and while I'm still able.
 
i cant understand why they cant build more senior housing where every body could watch out for each other---i use to live in n.h and they really looked out for their senior citizens
 
That's what I intend to try to do. Don't know how to go about it though. I wouldn't want any relatives or friends to have to check on me. I'd be willing to pay someone to do it though.

If you figure it out please let me know.

I think in my case the internet and social media will be my best defense as long as I still have my wits about me.

If the going gets tough I can always summon up an Uber and make a run for it!!!
 
One of my sisters and I have discussed what we would do if we both found ourselves alone. Our "pie-in-the-sky" plan is to buy a 3-bedroom home and offer the 3rd bedroom to someone who would watch over us. Depending on our needs, it could be a college student who would get free room and board for doing some cleaning occasionally all the way to hiring a live-in professional. It would have to be cheaper than two nursing home rooms.

We had my grandmother for a year in an ACLF (Adult Congregate Living Facility). It's a home that has been converted into what used to be known as "rest homes" in the old days. There were six elderly ladies sharing three bedrooms with a nice comfortable living room lounge and a dining area. The kitchen had been converted into a commercial kitchen and the garage was converted into a bedroom/sitting room for the night attendant. It was a LOT cheaper than a nursing home.
 
One of my sisters and I have discussed what we would do if we both found ourselves alone. Our "pie-in-the-sky" plan is to buy a 3-bedroom home and offer the 3rd bedroom to someone who would watch over us. Depending on our needs, it could be a college student who would get free room and board for doing some cleaning occasionally all the way to hiring a live-in professional. It would have to be cheaper than two nursing home rooms.

We had my grandmother for a year in an ACLF (Adult Congregate Living Facility). It's a home that has been converted into what used to be known as "rest homes" in the old days. There were six elderly ladies sharing three bedrooms with a nice comfortable living room lounge and a dining area. The kitchen had been converted into a commercial kitchen and the garage was converted into a bedroom/sitting room for the night attendant. It was a LOT cheaper than a nursing home.

I thought about buying a two family home for me and a young couple that could provide me with some assistance. I would provide a free apartment and a stipend in exchange for taking care of the property, cleaning, laundry, etc... The trick is finding a young couple that I could depend on, I'm not sure how I would go about it. I have fears of ending up like a low rent version of Doris Duke or Brooke Astor.
 
I thought about buying a two family home for me and a young couple that could provide me with some assistance. I would provide a free apartment and a stipend in exchange for taking care of the property, cleaning, laundry, etc... The trick is finding a young couple that I could depend on, I'm not sure how I would go about it. I have fears of ending up like a low rent version of Doris Duke or Brooke Astor.
That was one of the reasons I was thinking about buying my neighbor's property. For rental.
 
Everything seems risky.. You hear so much about elder abuse and neglect.. people taking advantage.. One would have to have absolute trust and vetting to allow a stranger in your home. On the other hand.. family members have abused and neglected elder relatives.. the whole thing is depressing.
 
I plan on going out via heart attack. Already had one (and quad bypass). So long term care is probably not an issue for me. If needed though, I have a son, and two grandsons, that would do what they needed to do. I've told them that I do not want any of them being my daily care giver. Just find the cheapest facility that would take me and walk away. I love them too much to want them to have to take care of me.
 
I'd like to die in my sleep but if I don't a nursing home is the absolute last resort. My daughter has already said she will take care of me and I know she will.

i don't want to be a burden on either one of my children but they already help me so much since my husband died. That's just the way our family is.

We all do what we can for each other.
 


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