What a tough life. Born to a narcissist, traumatized by her. Married a narcissist did trauma therapy and left her. Moved away to a small town of relatively nice people. In the past, in a city, I have had such bad relations with people, that I am loathe to get out and get a real job (I door dash) if only because I don’t want another narcissist for a boss. I am a nice sweet loving man now, I just want to be around nice people. I am terribly afraid of toxic ones.
Trying to be functional
- Thread starter Rob63
- Start date
Medusa
Senior Member
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
Have you considered therapy? I know you went through trauma therapy, but I'm referring to a more general therapy to help you deal with your fears around this.
In your current state you might see "toxic people" everywhere you look. Maybe some guidance in the form of therapy could be helpful for you with this.
Wishing you good things.
In your current state you might see "toxic people" everywhere you look. Maybe some guidance in the form of therapy could be helpful for you with this.
Wishing you good things.
I speak to my main therapist that helped me get out of the city monthly. I speak to a more general therapist every 2-3 weeks. I’m living a pretty broke life but I would like a new therapist. I just am not sure how to get one. I am on medicare and don’t think I can get one. I feel so damn stuck.
Medusa
Senior Member
- Location
- Mid-Atlantic
I don't want to hit you with a bunch of links, but I looked up "online therapy covered by medicare" and got several returns.
Sorry for your struggles, @Rob63
John cycling
Healthy Person
- Location
- Central Coast California
Making a couple of lists helped me to get my life back on track a few decades ago.
#1 is a happy list: everything you can think of that makes you happy, or that could make you happy.
#2 is a list of tolerations: things you are putting up with, that bother you, and/or that keep annoying you etc.
The happy list was quite difficult for me at the start, as I could think of only one thing that made me happy.
Then I added a second thing the first week. After discussing this I was able to get up to 12 things in a month.
I stopped keeping track of the list then but kept the ideas in my head, then 4 years later sat down and typed 100 things
that made me happy without stopping. What a major change in only 4 years.
The list of tolerations was quite a bit easier. I could type quite a few things that bothered me right from the start.
I worked at overcoming those issues starting with the simple ones, a squeaking door hinge, a burned out lightbulb,
and gradually moved on to the harder ones. Working on the list of tolerations helped me to see the bright side of my life.
#1 is a happy list: everything you can think of that makes you happy, or that could make you happy.
#2 is a list of tolerations: things you are putting up with, that bother you, and/or that keep annoying you etc.
The happy list was quite difficult for me at the start, as I could think of only one thing that made me happy.
Then I added a second thing the first week. After discussing this I was able to get up to 12 things in a month.
I stopped keeping track of the list then but kept the ideas in my head, then 4 years later sat down and typed 100 things
that made me happy without stopping. What a major change in only 4 years.
The list of tolerations was quite a bit easier. I could type quite a few things that bothered me right from the start.
I worked at overcoming those issues starting with the simple ones, a squeaking door hinge, a burned out lightbulb,
and gradually moved on to the harder ones. Working on the list of tolerations helped me to see the bright side of my life.
A great idea, thank you John.
outlander
Member
- Location
- southern Arizona
I just joined this forum recently. I am amazed how such a large group is made up of nice, relevant and caring folks.
Hang out here Rob63, it will be therapeutic and there doesn't seem to be any toxic people to make things unpleasant.
Hang out here Rob63, it will be therapeutic and there doesn't seem to be any toxic people to make things unpleasant.
Judycat
Well-known Member
- Location
- Pennsylvania
I have the same problem. Hope you can overcome by finding something that works for you. No shortage of people who'll give a person a hard time these days. Just sayin', not always your fault.
I have been thru therapy twice. The first go round was to deal with extreme anxiety. I was almost to the point of being housebound. It was very helpful.
The second was grief therapy after my husband died. Not so great, in fact, made things worse. I stepped away after a few sessions. I found more help in books at the library.
I still suffer from anxiety but I have learned to recognize people that have the personality that makes me uncomfortable. I have learned that I don't have to have the company of those people. I am open to meeting new people but I have learned to say no to situations that bring on that feeling. There are so many people out there that want friends. Believe or not we all have anxiety, we only need to find others we can relate to, share our fears and are willing to share and support each other.
Lastly, I think so many of us were brought up to keep out feelings to ourselves. Like there is something wrong with us. We often think we are abnormal but is not the case. Finally, it is okay to be honest, to say we suffer from anxiety, fear, coping with things that happen everyday.
I am done with the hiding, the feeling of being ashamed or embarrassed. This is just who I am and I recognize my value. I can do a lot of things that others can't. It was a wake up call to my family when others had panic attacks. They finally understood the intensity of something you can't control.
Don't feel bad, feel proud, you can do things that make a difference in the life of others
The second was grief therapy after my husband died. Not so great, in fact, made things worse. I stepped away after a few sessions. I found more help in books at the library.
I still suffer from anxiety but I have learned to recognize people that have the personality that makes me uncomfortable. I have learned that I don't have to have the company of those people. I am open to meeting new people but I have learned to say no to situations that bring on that feeling. There are so many people out there that want friends. Believe or not we all have anxiety, we only need to find others we can relate to, share our fears and are willing to share and support each other.
Lastly, I think so many of us were brought up to keep out feelings to ourselves. Like there is something wrong with us. We often think we are abnormal but is not the case. Finally, it is okay to be honest, to say we suffer from anxiety, fear, coping with things that happen everyday.
I am done with the hiding, the feeling of being ashamed or embarrassed. This is just who I am and I recognize my value. I can do a lot of things that others can't. It was a wake up call to my family when others had panic attacks. They finally understood the intensity of something you can't control.
Don't feel bad, feel proud, you can do things that make a difference in the life of others
