22 Year Old With Autism Driving

win231

win231

SF VIP
Location
CA
A friend of my sister's has a son with Autism. He's 22. His mother often tries to think of him as "normal." I chat with him for an hour almost every evening. No one else will talk to him because it requires a lot of patience; he will ask the same question over & over because he has a very short attention span & that's the nature of Autism. Sometimes he has a problem controlling his temper & he will destroy things in his mother's house & he will think it's a joke. He flushed a whole bunch of things down their toilet, which required several thousand dollars in plumbing repairs - tearing open several walls to clear pipes & replace others. He considers that a joke; it's not his fault; he doesn't know any better. He is not allowed in any of his mother's friends' homes.

I know that "Autism" covers a wide range & many people with Autism can function almost normally. He can't.

A few weeks ago, his mother decided to have him take driving lessons, which I think is a bad idea; not much different than helping him get a gun, IMO.
He has a learner's permit & he starting driving (with his mother in the car - required by law, until he gets a regular license).
I told her (gently) I don't think he should drive. She told me his driving school says he can.
She's not sharp enough to understand that the driving school is there to make money & they will be happy to encourage him to keep taking more lessons as long as she keeps paying for them.
She just called me to say he hit a car, but the accident wasn't very serious. And she complained about her insurance premiums going up.
I told her "Your insurance premiums will be the least of your problems. It wasn't serious - this time. It will likely be very serious in the future; think about pedestrians, bicyclists & other drivers. And think about his temper, his rage & what may happen."
 

win231 said:
that the driving school is there to make money & they will be happy to encourage him to keep taking more lessons as long as she keeps paying for them.
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... not to mention they may 'bribe' quietly the givers of the license so he actually gets a license, as greasing the palm is used frequently to get things done, eh?

Good though you take the time and patience to talk with him and his mom. Maybe a "light" will come on some day soon, yes ? And his mom will get him a self-driving automatic computer controlled vehicle ? .... and that might be worse ?
 
win231 said:
22 Year Old With Autism Driving
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That has to be tough situation. I can see the mother desperately wanting to do whatever she can to make it possible for him to live on his own. He probably will have to one day.

The way you describe him it does not sound safe at all. Hope they can figure something out. Good of you to spend time talking with him, that has to help.
 

Alligatorob said:
That has to be tough situation. I can see the mother desperately wanting to do whatever she can to make it possible for him to live on his own. He probably will have to one day.

The way you describe him it does not sound safe at all. Hope they can figure something out. Good of you to spend time talking with him, that has to help.
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He will never be able to live on his own. He is not capable of working at anything.
My sister told his mother she has to have arrangements already in place for him to live in a supervised group home so he'll have a place to live when she's gone. His mother is in complete denial about everything. As it is, he can't be left alone in the house. When she has to go out, she sometimes has a sitter stay with him; but she doesn't want to pay for a professional who is experienced with Autism; she just finds someone who is the "right" religion (in her screwy mind). After her son assaults him or throws things at him, he quits.
All his mother cares about is showing everyone how "normal" he is & collecting his disability check & spending it on herself.
With her as his mother, he's.....lost. I think he will have an Adam Lanza - type future.
 
win231 said:
I know that "Autism" covers a wide range & many people with Autism can function almost normally. He can't.

A few weeks ago, his mother decided to have him take driving lessons, which I think is a bad idea; not much different than helping him get a gun, IMO.
He has a learner's permit & he starting driving (with his mother in the car - required by law, until he gets a regular license).
I told her (gently) I don't think he should drive. She told me his driving school says he can.
She's not sharp enough to understand that the driving school is there to make money & they will be happy to encourage him to keep taking more lessons as long as she keeps paying for them.
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I feel for parents in similar situations
but planning for the fact he is not able to care for himself after she is gone is the best thing she can do for him

you are correct that people making money with lesson after lesson knowing he will either not pass or if he does will be a danger on the road is awful......
 
Shame on those greedy bast*rds for even considering teaching him to drive. Teaching him to drive accomplishes nothing and puts him and everyone around him in danger.

His mother is not trying to help him live on his own. If she was, she would be getting him the help he really needs. He is obviously never able to live on his own. He needs to be placed in a group home with people who will see that he's properly cared for after she's gone.

Win, it's good of you to try to gently help. You could hit this woman over the head with a shovel and it would make no impression.

This is so sad. The mother is the real problem. Her denial and refusal to accept the reality and limitations of her son's autism will be the undoing of them both. Unfortunately, there are others who will be damaged by the inevitable train wreck that is sure to happen. She sounds like a very selfish woman, concerned only with her own needs. She needs professional counseling that she'll never get. I feel sorry for her son.

I have a young friend who is autistic. He has ticks and an unnerving gaze that sets him apart. He's a very smart young man and quite functional. When he tries to go out in public, he's made fun of and subjected to ridicule because he's "different". People lack understanding and can be so unkind. It's heartbreaking. I'll tell you this, he's a nice boy and tries his best to cope. He's sensitive and extremely loyal. His parents are not in a position to secure his future and are worried about what will become of him.

Bella ✌️
 
It is unfortunate that the mother can't come to terms with the situation with her son. That being said, there are many, many people who are on the spectrum that have successful careers, families and are very involved in making a difference in the world. I am sure that when it comes to the actual license to drive it will not happen for this young man. The sad and dangerous part is that he has been exposed to something I am sure he thinks he can do or wants to do. There is danger just in the exposure. He could get keys to the car, drive off with his parents not realizing he has done so. I would say it will end badly, either he will be hurt or he will hurt others and the parents will be held responsible.
 
Lavinia said:
Where is the law in all this? If he gets disability cheques, he has obviously been officially diagnosed as having severe mental illness. How is it possible for him to get a driving licence?
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So far, he's only able to get a Learner's Permit, which allows him to drive only when a licensed adult over 21 is in the car with him.
Even that is a bad idea; a passenger couldn't prevent a crash.
And his mother isn't smart enough to keep her car keys locked & not accessible to him.
 
Blessed said:
It is unfortunate that the mother can't come to terms with the situation with her son. That being said, there are many, many people who are on the spectrum that have successful careers, families and are very involved in making a difference in the world. I am sure that when it comes to the actual license to drive it will not happen for this young man. The sad and dangerous part is that he has been exposed to something I am sure he thinks he can do or wants to do. There is danger just in the exposure. He could get keys to the car, drive off with his parents not realizing he has done so. I would say it will end badly, either he will be hurt or he will hurt others and the parents will be held responsible.
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His mother is much like Adam Lanza's mother - the denial, pretending her son is "OK, encouraging him to do things to prove he's normal."
If her son does manage to pass a driving test & get his license, she will probably buy him a car - just as Adam Lanza's mother bought her son guns & ammunition to prove he was "Normal" & "Responsible."
 
That is why I said that the parents would be responsible if they were well informed of the limits of their autistic child. Ther are many variations on the spectrum, I would hope all parents would do what is appropriate to have each child and later the adult live a safe, happy, full life.
 
Blessed said:
That is why I said that the parents would be responsible if they were well informed of the limits of their autistic child. Ther are many variations on the spectrum, I would hope all parents would do what is appropriate to have each child and later the adult live a safe, happy, full life.
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In cases like this, the parents cannot take full responsibility for their child. They need professional advice. Is it another area where shortage of resources is preventing people from getting the help they need?
 
Lavinia said:
In cases like this, the parents cannot take full responsibility for their child. They need professional advice. Is it another area where shortage of resources is preventing people from getting the help they need?
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This situation doesn't involve a shortage of resources. This situation involves a moronic parent who refuses to acknowledge reality.
Whenever I try to explain things to her, she always responds, "God is in charge." That's how she avoids any responsibility.
 
win231 said:
So far, he's only able to get a Learner's Permit, which allows him to drive only when a licensed adult over 21 is in the car with him.
Even that is a bad idea; a passenger couldn't prevent a crash.
And his mother isn't smart enough to keep her car keys locked & not accessible to him.
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win231 I am presuming she is in California so this is what I found.

www.ieautism.org/transportation-and-driving/

www.dmv-defenders.com/california-dmv-license-suspension-mental-health-disorder/
 
I think his doctor should be involved in making this decision. ie..doctor's note
He would be more aware of his capabilities than anyone.
 

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