A friend's driving scares me

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
Occasionally I have ridden with a friend who is 85 years old. Although I am protected by a seat belt and what I assume will be air bags, her driving really alarms me. She slows down almost to a stop, then speeds up, slows down, speeds up. When I think she is just about to run off the road, she jerks the car back on the road, then overcompensates, going right and left, right and left in the lane. I have offered to drive when we travel, but she emphatically insists on driving. I am surprised she has not received a ticket or had an accident, or someone hasn't reported it. If she did get ticketed, she probably would not tell anyway. Maybe she just does that when I'm with her. She doesn't even seem aware of how she's driving.
 

You "offer" to drive, she refuses and drives like this. No "offer", you just TELL her "I'm driving". Why does this seem so hard for you to do?
 

Does she have family near by? She should NOT be driving any more, and someone needs to insist she stop. It is not easy, when my dad was in his late 70s my brother had to task of telling my dad he should not be driving any more, due to his age and other medical conditions. Dad was reluctant but agreed,

 
I think she's not willing to give up her independence. She lives alone in a big house with 85 acres of land attached. Why does she need all that property? She's paying $10,000 a year in taxes (county, town and school) on land she doesn't even use. She's also always telling about something going wrong she had to pay a lot of money to fix, like her driveway subsiding into a ravine, the central air condition on the fritz, or needing her septic system re-done. When I suggest that she should sell some land for building lots and take that tax strain off of her, or sell the property and get a nice small house or apartment, she becomes agitated (I won't go into what she tells me to do with my suggestions).
 
:lofl: To be honest I think that’s a perfectly normal reaction to someone who’s getting overly involved in their business.
( even if its great advice )

P.S. and perhaps this is why the woman’s driving became a bit reckless.
 
debodun said:
I think she's not willing to give up her independence. She lives alone in a big house with 85 acres of land attached. Why does she need all that property? She's paying $10,000 a year in taxes (county, town and school) on land she doesn't even use. She's also always telling about something going wrong she had to pay a lot of money to fix, like her driveway subsiding into a ravine, the central air condition on the fritz, or needing her septic system re-done. When I suggest that she should sell some land for building lots and take that tax strain off of her, or sell the property and get a nice small house or apartment, she becomes agitated (I won't go into what she tells me to do with my suggestions).
Click to expand...
She has the right to get upset when someone starts giving unwanted advice about her finances. Respect that right and things will calm down.
 
Do you tell your friend about her bad driving? You certainly have the right to while you are in the car but I'd stop riding with her if I were you. Also if she's complaining to you about her taxes and other expenses I think you have a right to answer her with your opinion. If she doesn't want it she shouldn't complain to you.

My husband has a lot more friends than I do and it's because he'll put up with people like your friend and I won't.
 
I agree with Linda and the others... don't ride with her any more.. you could be dead next time... , and also if she doesn't want to hear your opinion about her problems then tell her to stop whining to you about them!!
 
Deb, this isn't the friend you just went to Vermont with, is it? If it is I wouldn't be taking any more trips with her unless I drove.

My trip with a friend (who drove) was uneventful except that in one spot we went to turn around and a woman pulled up next to us and shouted that she been following us for 18 miles and we didn't know how to drive and that we "were way over the line." after which she zoomed off. I don't recall anything that bad in my friends driving.
Click to expand...

As far as her house, property and taxes go, that's her business if she wants to stay there and not make any changes, she should do whatever makes her happy.

It's normal to tell friends about something that broke in your house or how much money you had to pay to get something fixed, it doesn't mean they want to make major changes in their life or lifestyle. Even your house is too big for you and always something in need of repair, but you don't want to sell it and move into an apartment or condo that would be so much easier for you, even though finances are not an issue. Similar circumstances it seems.
 
In some states you can notify the DMV and they will call her in for a retest, without telling her that you called them.
 
The answer to me is very clear -- do not ride with persons whose driving threatens your life or safety -- unless of course your desire not to offend this person is stronger than your desire to stay alive. Why do you do things that are counter to your self-interest?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top