A thread for all the pets who've given us all they can for as long as they had.

MarkD

MarkD

Keeper of the Hounds & Garden
Location
San Francisco Bay Area
There seems to have been a rash of dying pets here and I am in that group too. Friday I lost my much loved, almost 8 year old boy Smokey through my own incompetence. Obviously everyone knows not to leave a pet in a car on a warm day, who would do it? But did you know it is possible to become confused between an intention and a memory? Maybe it is age related. Friday I drove my wife down to Stanford for another procedure. As we've done many times we opened the back of my Subaru for the dogs to hop in as we prepared to pull out of the yard in her Honda, expecting to let them out to spend the day in the garden until our return. But somehow when I closed the gate I believed I had already let them out. It wasn't until after I'd brought her up to the treatment room and begun to eat lunch that I began to have doubts. I had Lia call her good friend and studio assistant to check on them and confirmed my worst fear. Our friend got neighbors to help her move Smokey to her car and drove him to the nearby emergency pet hospital. She also told them about our nearly 2 year old Ember who was in there with him. When the doors was opened the door, Ember ran upstairs to my room but Smokey just lay with his eyes closed yelping incessantly.

By the time Lia got done and we had driven back to the hospital they were both receiving treatment. Smokey's eyes were open but bulging and unseeing. The vet said he wasn't mentally appropriate. It looked to me as as though he was still locked in the horror of what he'd been through. When I reached my hand to him and he sniffed me he reached to me and tried to rise and I told him what a good boy he was. I got a jolt of hope but after talking more with the vet it was clear she held out no hope of recovery. So I told her I wanted to let him go. She said she supported that decision. Hated to do it but there was no going back and the horror needed to stop for him. Of course I feel horrible and seriously wonder if I'm competent to be responsible for my dogs now. But I wouldn't let my recriminations interfere with remembering him as I put together a tribute album of favorite photos. I still half expect to trip on anytime I take a step back because he was always there beside or behind me. Ember needs to be restricted to limited leashed walks until Wednesday and this evening she is getting restless; they were used to getting long walks and ball or frisbee work every day. But she has been kind of clingy now, taking up his spot beside me where before she'd leave that to him while she basked in the sun.

https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjABLXq

Since the album’s cover photo here is the video of Smokey’s first day with us. If anyone wanted to they could follow url for the album back to my Flickr page at least on a computer- and then click on the icon that looks like a monitor in the upper right corner.

 

Last edited:
Oh goodness. 😰
I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Words can’t possibly convey the sorrow I feel for your loss. The tribute you made for your beloved dog is so very precious! ♥️
8DCFA802-1467-46B3-8F1D-7A1B3D81856D.jpeg
Don’t beat yourself. Mistakes happen.
 

davey said:
condolences bro condolences - a lesson for us all bro
Click to expand...

It would be nice to think so. Our minds usually serve us transparently but how exactly intention, choice and memory come together is actually pretty mysterious from our operational perspective, and changes over time. First for the better and eventually swinging the other way.
 
My dawg is a big white one my fil found him whimpering on his front lawn at 4am one morning - someone had dropped him there, He nurtured him with pipette drinks and kept him going until we had enough room to take him in - he now weighs over 25kilos at least and at a full run would knock over a healthy male at our age he could do it with a nudge! he lives with me in a granny flat atm - and has a large kitchen cum dining room to lay in ; sleep in etc - but as dusk descends and he's had an evening walk dragging me behind he whimpers if I don't invite him into the bedroom where he stays for the next 12 hrs - not a yawn just sleeps and protects me! his name you guess - yep ya right first time "lucky" say hello lucky - they're watching you from all over the world
 

Attachments

  • IMG_0273 (2).JPG
    IMG_0273 (2).JPG
    72.6 KB · Views: 2
davey said:
My dawg is a big white one my fil found him whimpering on his front lawn at 4am one morning - someone had dropped him there, He nurtured him with pipette drinks and kept him going until we had enough room to take him in - he now weighs over 25kilos at least and at a full run would knock over a healthy male at our age he could do it with a nudge! he lives with me in a granny flat atm - and has a large kitchen cum dining room to lay in ; sleep in etc - but as dusk descends and he's had an evening walk dragging me behind he whimpers if I don't invite him into the bedroom where he stays for the next 12 hrs - not a yawn just sleeps and protects me! his name you guess - yep ya right first time "lucky" say hello lucky - they're watching you from all over the world
Click to expand...

My two always went to bed happily to get their treat and slept quietly all night. But I'm an early riser so I'd get them out around 6:00 and if I needed more shut eye they'd join me on my bed and go back to sleep until I got up again.
 
Pinky said:
My heart aches for you, Mark. Smokey was a precious boy. I know he's still close by your side, and always
will be.

View attachment 283035
Click to expand...

You're right and I refuse to think of him only in his suffering colored by my regrets. He deserves better and you're right. I keep stopping before I put my feet under my desk in case he is down there sleeping. Ember sure misses him too.
 
Oh MarkD,I am so very sorry to hear this.

If it is any tiny bit of consolation to you,I have had two friends that have had this happen,both last summer. Both looked and looked for their dogs for two days and then,the next time they got in their cars,discovered them. Both of these women were in their late 30s,so age can`t be blamed. Sometimes terrible things just happen.
 
davey said:
A ' calmer' may be to get a 'pup' soon to join ember and cheer you both up? some can do it some can't just sayin?
Click to expand...

Thanks but I’m only rescuing dogs who lose their people too soon from now on. No more puppies for me. Others people’s puppies are just as cute and a whole lot easier. Plus I need to my karma in order just in case.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
Oh MarkD,I am so very sorry to hear this.

If it is any tiny bit of consolation to you,I have had two friends that have had this happen,both last summer. Both looked and looked for their dogs for two days and then,the next time they got in their cars,discovered them. Both of these women were in their late 30s,so age can`t be blamed. Sometimes terrible things just happen.
Click to expand...

Maybe I should join them in doing some public service spots? It is so mortifying but humbling too.
 
I am really sorry mark. I know you love your dogs very much. It’s an accident and could happen to anyone. You need to forgive yourself.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I am really sorry mark. I know you love your dogs very much. It’s an accident and could happen to anyone. You need to forgive yourself.
Click to expand...

Thank you and please know I feel the same way and would respond in the exact way you have if the situation was reversed. As a result I do forgive myself for being fallible and will simply cease using a car as a temporary holding pen. If we had been going in my car we would have had the dogs in the back and simply called the dogs back into the yard once the gate was mostly closed. That is the norm. But since my car needs replacing we were improvising in order to take her car. My regret is huge but I don’t have an impulse to punish so I tend to take it as easy on myself as I do everyone else.

Thank you Terry. By the way, what did you teach? I taught middle school math for 25 years, myself.
 
Alligatorob said:
Sorry to hear it Mark, losing a pet is always hard.

View attachment 283157
Click to expand...

ive seen that before but still like it. Personally I don’t imagine meeting up somewhere else though I’m sure that would be comforting. But I do think we all get recycled, shedding what sets us apart and rejoining the web of life at multiple points. Not as comforting but I’ve always appreciated mulch and I certainly have no desire to leave the world entirely. 😉
 
I'm very sorry for your loss. You must be devastated. Take good care of yourself. It must've been hard to write this post of yours. You are in my prayers 💟🙏
 
MarkD said:
Thank you and please know I feel the same way and would respond in the exact way you have if the situation was reversed. As a result I do forgive myself for being fallible and will simply cease using a car as a temporary holding pen. If we had been going in my car we would have had the dogs in the back and simply called the dogs back into the yard once the gate was mostly closed. That is the norm. But since my car needs replacing we were improvising in order to take her car. My regret is huge but I don’t have an impulse to punish so I tend to take it as easy on myself as I do everyone else.

Thank you Terry. By the way, what did you teach? I taught middle school math for 25 years, myself.
Click to expand...
I actually spent my career in human services first as a social worker and then providing vocational testing and career counseling for people with disabilities.

After I retired I was asked to teach a social work class on disabilities at the University because of my experience in both areas and my 3 graduate degrees in both areas. I taught every semester for 8 years and it was really fun. But being on a semester contract I didn’t have the bureaucracy to put up with like I did when I was a state employee.
 
It is a beautiful day and Saturday I got a lot of the garden back from the chaos the storms caused - mostly a bumper crop oc weeds everywhere.

Just took these from our upstairs deck.

1684256043750.jpeg

1684256090785.jpeg

1684256135796.jpeg

1684257519457.jpeg

Then I went and took one in the back garden.

1684256854099.jpeg

Feels great to get out from under all those weeds. Tomorrow I have an arborist coming in to cut back the tree with the purple flowers seen in the 2nd and 4th pics which was badly damaged in those storms, along with parts of a couple other trees.

I was very fortunate to receive the help of a garden designing friend’s crew last Saturday. Not cheap but a huge bargain. I paid them each $30hr for 8 hours. But what they got done would have taken me weeks. I’ve never gotten that kind of help before but he says I can borrow them on a weekend again if I like. My friend also stuck around talking about plants and my garden and collecting seeds and cuttings. He only lives a few shirt blocks away and has a wonderful jungly garden inspired by his years in Brazil.
 
MarkD said:
There seems to have been a rash of dying pets here and I am in that group too. Friday I lost my much loved, almost 8 year old boy Smokey through my own incompetence. Obviously everyone knows not to leave a pet in a car on a warm day, who would do it? But did you know it is possible to become confused between an intention and a memory? Maybe it is age related. Friday I drove my wife down to Stanford for another procedure. As we've done many times we opened the back of my Subaru for the dogs to hop in as we prepared to pull out of the yard in her Honda, expecting to let them out to spend the day in the garden until our return. But somehow when I closed the gate I believed I had already let them out. It wasn't until after I'd brought her up to the treatment room and begun to eat lunch that I began to have doubts. I had Lia call her good friend and studio assistant to check on them and confirmed my worst fear. Our friend got neighbors to help her move Smokey to her car and drove him to the nearby emergency pet hospital. She also told them about our nearly 2 year old Ember who was in there with him. When the doors was opened the door, Ember ran upstairs to my room but Smokey just lay with his eyes closed yelping incessantly.

By the time Lia got done and we had driven back to the hospital they were both receiving treatment. Smokey's eyes were open but bulging and unseeing. The vet said he wasn't mentally appropriate. It looked to me as as though he was still locked in the horror of what he'd been through. When I reached my hand to him and he sniffed me he reached to me and tried to rise and I told him what a good boy he was. I got a jolt of hope but after talking more with the vet it was clear she held out no hope of recovery. So I told her I wanted to let him go. She said she supported that decision. Hated to do it but there was no going back and the horror needed to stop for him. Of course I feel horrible and seriously wonder if I'm competent to be responsible for my dogs now. But I wouldn't let my recriminations interfere with remembering him as I put together a tribute album of favorite photos. I still half expect to trip on anytime I take a step back because he was always there beside or behind me. Ember needs to be restricted to limited leashed walks until Wednesday and this evening she is getting restless; they were used to getting long walks and ball or frisbee work every day. But she has been kind of clingy now, taking up his spot beside me where before she'd leave that to him while she basked in the sun.

https://flic.kr/s/aHBqjABLXq

Since the album’s cover photo here is the video of Smokey’s first day with us. If anyone wanted to they could follow url for the album back to my Flickr page at least on a computer- and then click on the icon that looks like a monitor in the upper right corner.

Click to expand...
Just read this and tears came to my eyes! It is obvious you love your pets. I am sorry you experienced this and equally sorry about your dog. You become so attached to Smokey. My experience of loss occurred when I was young and living at home with my family. We would keep cats, and because our house was on a busy street, more than one of them died after being run over by a car. The last straw for me was when we found my favorite cat in the garage, frozen. She had been missing. I then switched to birds, and when my favorite canary died, I thought that was the end of that. One more time, years later, I had given my husband a tank of goldfish for his birthday because he loved fish, but I could never live with pets dying on me since then.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top