At age 85, Isabella Bick still practices psychotherapy part-time from her home in Connecticut, USA. Some of her clients are senior citizens. They come to her with a range of age-related concerns: self-consciousness about appearance, depression about sexual performance, and dismay about physical limitations. Isabella says that this is simply the same problem, showing up in different complaints. Many of her patients, she claims, simply haven’t accepted aging. Acceptance, Bick says, doesn’t mean resigning oneself to the inevitable march of time. Acceptance means facing reality without despair.
Erik Erikson also wrote about the psychological health of the older adult and the importance of acceptance. He noted that when older people lack challenges, they can become self-absorbed and depressed. To avoid this, they need to continue setting goals. The most natural type of goal, Erikson claimed, is one that focuses on “generativity” -- giving to others without the expectation of anything in return. Planting trees or helping to raise children, for example, are generative acts. A life lived satisfying selfish pursuits may be distracting and exciting, but won’t be enough to ward off despair in late old age. Moreover, it won’t be the stuff that facilitates wisdom.
Resilience
Perhaps the most useful trait in those who would acquire wisdom is resilience, which bestows the ability to cope with adversity. Flexibility, patience, and the capacity to face fears are qualities of those who are resilient. Resilient people have hope. They solve problems creatively. They consider failure to be a challenge. While others give up and bemoan their bad luck, the resilient will move calmly toward their goal. The most resilient are those who have formed an emotional connection to their objective.
A story that captures this idea concerns two warring tribes in the Andes. One tribe lived in the lowlands, and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowland village and kidnapped a baby. Unfortunately, the lowlanders didn't know how to climb the mountain. Even so, they sent out their best party of fighting men to bring the baby home. The men tried several methods of climbing and started up many different routes. Each time, they would ascend a short way, then slide back down the mountain, defeated. After days of this, they claimed that the cause was lost. They began packing their gear to return home. Then, from over a near peak, they saw the baby's mother heading down. As she drew closer, it became apparent that her baby was strapped to her back.
The chief greeted her with great surprise. He asked, "How did you climb this mountain when we, the strongest men in the village, could not?"
She smiled and said, "It isn’t your baby."
Discussion question:
Set goals, develop resilience, and give back to society: if you do these three things, it’s likely you’re on the path to wisdom.
Do you agree? Disagree? Is there an action, a trait, or a habit that has been left out?
Erik Erikson also wrote about the psychological health of the older adult and the importance of acceptance. He noted that when older people lack challenges, they can become self-absorbed and depressed. To avoid this, they need to continue setting goals. The most natural type of goal, Erikson claimed, is one that focuses on “generativity” -- giving to others without the expectation of anything in return. Planting trees or helping to raise children, for example, are generative acts. A life lived satisfying selfish pursuits may be distracting and exciting, but won’t be enough to ward off despair in late old age. Moreover, it won’t be the stuff that facilitates wisdom.
Resilience
Perhaps the most useful trait in those who would acquire wisdom is resilience, which bestows the ability to cope with adversity. Flexibility, patience, and the capacity to face fears are qualities of those who are resilient. Resilient people have hope. They solve problems creatively. They consider failure to be a challenge. While others give up and bemoan their bad luck, the resilient will move calmly toward their goal. The most resilient are those who have formed an emotional connection to their objective.
A story that captures this idea concerns two warring tribes in the Andes. One tribe lived in the lowlands, and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowland village and kidnapped a baby. Unfortunately, the lowlanders didn't know how to climb the mountain. Even so, they sent out their best party of fighting men to bring the baby home. The men tried several methods of climbing and started up many different routes. Each time, they would ascend a short way, then slide back down the mountain, defeated. After days of this, they claimed that the cause was lost. They began packing their gear to return home. Then, from over a near peak, they saw the baby's mother heading down. As she drew closer, it became apparent that her baby was strapped to her back.
The chief greeted her with great surprise. He asked, "How did you climb this mountain when we, the strongest men in the village, could not?"
She smiled and said, "It isn’t your baby."
Discussion question:
Set goals, develop resilience, and give back to society: if you do these three things, it’s likely you’re on the path to wisdom.
Do you agree? Disagree? Is there an action, a trait, or a habit that has been left out?
