Am I a complicated person? Are you?

[Ronni]

I'm asking the question, but I'm still trying to figure out what that means.

In one of our recent conversations, Ron mentioned that I was "a complicated person." He wasn't saying that as the focus of the conversation, nor as a criticism, just more of an aside as he tried to discuss something else, but it held my attention.

I asked him what that meant, what he meant by that? He floundered a bit, and then said "well, maybe it's just that you're complex." I was still scratching my head, failing to understand. I asked him if he always knew where he stood with me? Yes. Did I say what I mean? Yes. Was I straightforward and forthright? Yes. Did I admit when I was wrong? Yes.

So.......how does that make me complicated, or complex?

He fumbled some more. Finally he just said that I'm a deep thinker, and my thought process is convoluted. Um......OK? I responded that I try and think through things, consider and examine every aspect, try really hard to look at things objectively, and from as many perspectives as I can not just my own, recognize, or try to recognize, nuances and levels the many shades of gray, not just the black and white of things. He agreed.

And then said again, that that makes me a complicated person.

I'm astounded by this. I have never, in all my years, considered myself complex or complicated. I'm not offended, not upset, I don't feel insulted, I'm just......confused.

What's really funny about this is that it was just a bit ago that I posed about being self-aware, and I was patting myself on the back about how self-aware my kid thinks I am and how good that made me feel. Now this!!!

Do you all think I'm complicated or complex person? I am genuinely asking here. And while we're at it, do you think of yourself that way?

 

[Pinky]

While I don't know you personally, you have always appeared to be very straightforward. Complex, I don't see. Being a deep-thinker doesn't make you complicated.

Myself, I would say I am pretty easy-going and fairly open .. though private about certain things.

 

[Gaer]

Ronni, You? Don't know. I can see how someone would say you're complex.
Me? Straight and simple as they come! Drama free life!

 

[Aunt Marg]

I don't know anyone on the forum per se, but myself, I've been told am a "deep" person, and I agree, I am, but what others think of me has zero impact as to what I think of myself, and regardless of how deep I am, it has no bearing on how I live my life, or how I plan on continuing to live my life.

What people think of me wields no power over me. I treat everyone with dignity and respect, and that's all I can do, and as the old saying goes, you can be as kind to everyone as kind can be, and they'll still be a percentage of those who despise you, avoid you, and have something bad to say about you.

My philosophy is, you can't please everyone.

 

[DannyDoughboy]

It sounds to me, just my opinion, you have a unique ability to delve deep into a conversation, where most people like the "readers digest" version, of a conversation! And, I do mean that in a positive way!

 

[Ronni]

What people think of me wields no power over me. I treat everyone with dignity and respect, and that's all I can do, and as the old saying goes, you can be as kind to everyone as kind can be, and they'll still be a percentage of those who despise you, avoid you, and have something bad to say about you.

My philosophy is, you can't please everyone.

Please understand, I don't give a damn if Ron or anyone thinks I'm complex or complicated. And I most certainly am not trying to please anyone, change myself, or cater to the way anyone thinks I should be.

I stopped contorting myself into weird pretzel shapes to conform to someone else's idea of who I should be when I left my abusive ex.

This isn't about that. It's about my own self-evaluation, and my assessment of who I am and what I'm about. Complex has never been a part of that, so to have someone tell me I am confuses me, though It neither dismays nor pleases me. It's simply something I've not only never considered about myself, but pretty much thought the opposite.

It's just that I try and be objective when it comes to my own self assessment, but that only goes so far.

 

[hellomimi]

I haven't met you in person but from reading your posts I know you're an intelligent person with high IQ and EQ. You're the kind of person I like to hang out with. Are you complicated? Maybe or maybe not. It doesn't matter to me. What I'm sure of, is that if I ever find myself lost in TN, you're the type of person I can depend on to guide me to the right direction.

 

[Lee]

I think complicated people are those who think outside the box, cover every angle before making decisions and then make the best decision for not only themself but for those that decision will affect..... and yes I do see you that way Ronni and I would consider it a compliment to be told that.

 

[Aunt Bea]

We're all complicated.

If people can't accept me the way they find me it's probably best for both of us if they just move on.

 

[SeaBreeze]

Finally he just said that I'm a deep thinker, and my thought process is convoluted.

And then said again, that that makes me a complicated person.

I agree with @hellomimi, I think you are very intelligent and think things through completely before acting on anything. And she's right, you would be neat to hang out with, because you also have a kind heart. Ron thinks of you as complicated and complex, opposites tend to attract, so maybe in his mind you really are those things, but I think he admires that. Ron probably floundered around when trying to explain what he meant, because he's not certain, and perhaps a bit confused himself.

I think complicated people are those who think outside the box, cover every angle before making decisions and then make the best decision for not only themself but for those that decision will affect..... and yes I do see you that way Ronni and I would consider it a compliment to be told that.

Me too Lee. My husband is very intelligent, he thinks things through from all aspects and has a much more complicated and complex train of thought than I do. For me, that's a good thing, he excels where I lack, and like Ronni, he has a good heart. I'm fairly simple, straighforward and do look at potential problems or benefits when making decisions, but not nearly as thoroughly as my hubby.

 

[StarSong]

We're all complicated.

That's what I was thinking, too.

When people say someone is complicated, it is more a statement about who they are than who the "complicated" person is. They're commenting on their own inability to easily, accurately predict what that person may be thinking or how he/she will respond to a given situation.

I don't mind being a complicated, somewhat unpredictable human in a complicated, somewhat unpredictable sea of other humans, on a complicated, somewhat unpredictable planet.

 

[RadishRose]

It seems to me that Ron, like many males, think about one issue at a time, where many women think of several issues all at once, or at least in rapid succession.
So to him, you seem complex.

IMO, the more intelligent the person, the more thoughts and ideas they have.

You don't strike me as complicated or complex as any other intelligent woman I've ever known. You're perhaps more vocal and upfront than Ron has been used to.

Just my thoughts.

 

[Geezerette]

You seem to be a very deep person, but the way you seem to me now is that you seem to be in what the computer people call a “loop”, with your thoughts constantly circling from yourself and your needs to Ron, to his children, to your children and back to yourself without figuring out where it should stop. A computer program “loop” is set to continue until some specified recognizable achievable goal is reached, then it stops. So to end the loop, one has to know what the desired goal is and “know it when they see it”.

 

[Ronni]

You seem to be a very deep person, but the way you seem to me now is that you seem to be in what the computer people call a “loop”, with your thoughts constantly circling from yourself and your needs to Ron, to his children, to your children and back to yourself without figuring out where it should stop. A computer program “loop” is set to continue until some specified recognizable achievable goal is reached, then it stops. So to end the loop, one has to know what the desired goal is and “know it when they see it”.

I get where you’re going with that analysis and you’re not wrong, but this question about being complicated isn’t part of that loop. It has nothing to do with the Sheri/Ron/Corona situation that I’ve been posting about, and doesn’t add to or detract from its ultimate resolution. It’s simply a curiosity.

 

[Em in Ohio]

... I don't mind being a complicated, somewhat unpredictable human in a complicated, somewhat unpredictable sea of other humans, on a complicated, somewhat unpredictable planet.

That's the word - unpredictable - that may carry negative connotations. That's what I consider "complicated." To me, that applies to folks whose reactions to different situations or stimuli are erratic and unexpected or disproportionate. This DOES NOT apply to either you (Ronni) nor StarSong, in my opinion. I don't think that is what Ron or anyone else meant to imply. I value what both of you have to offer on this forum.

 

[Keesha]

Changed my mind. People take my opinions as insulting.

 

[StarSong]

To me, that applies to folks whose reactions to different situations or stimuli are erratic and unexpected or disproportionate. T

Agreed that unpredictability that veers into the above-described territory can be most unsettling. I've known people who behave this way and give them a wide berth.