An Old Flame

bobcat

bobcat

Well-known Member
Location
Northern Calif
I went up to visit family recently and in conversation the subject came up of my old GF from high school, and last I knew, she lived in another state. However, my brother-in-law claimed he saw her the other day, and thought she may be up visiting her brother who lives not that far from them. So, they looked up his ph number & gave it to me. I figured, what the hell, I'll give it a try before leaving to return home. No answer there, so I left a msg & hit the road. I get half way home, my phone goes off, and it's her! I pulled over to the side of the road, and we had a stimulating conversation for about 20 minutes, and even though I hadn't talked to her in years, it was like we were back in high school with all the witty banter and sense of humor unchanged. Well, it turns out she's married, so I have since made the decision that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to call again, as I'm pretty sure that wouldn't make her huzz very comfortable.
Anyway, it got me to wondering: do you think your basic personality has changed much since high school? I have always said that if you're the same person you were 30 years ago, then you have wasted 30 years of your life. So, I'm not talking about personal growth, just the type of person you are with the same basic characteristics (The essence or flavor of who you were).
 

awww too bad the old flame is tied up, sounds like you had something nice going on back in the day Bobcat. She may call you and invite you to dinner with her husband there of course, which would be nice to catch up so to speak. Who knows....she might have a friend.

I think my values have changed in 30 years, my personality has not. I am still the same sweet, somewhat sarcastic person now as I was then. And I still love a good laugh.
 
Lee said:
awww too bad the old flame is tied up, sounds like you had something nice going on back in the day Bobcat. She may call you and invite you to dinner with her husband there of course, which would be nice to catch up so to speak. Who knows....she might have a friend.

I think my values have changed in 30 years, my personality has not. I am still the same sweet, somewhat sarcastic person now as I was then. And I still love a good laugh.
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Well, as I say she lives in another state anyway, so I think dinner together is off the table (Ha ha).
As for you, nice to know the years haven't changed you much. Somehow it seems there is more of a connection to the past when that thread is kept intact. You kinda still feel young inside, if you know what I mean.
 

bobcat48 said:
Anyway, it got me to wondering: do you think your basic personality has changed much since high school? I have always said that if you're the same person you were 30 years ago, then you have wasted 30 years of your life. So, I'm not talking about personal growth, just the type of person you are with the same basic characteristics (The essence or flavor of who you were).
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What a nice surprise for you, @bobcat48! And I'm sure your gal friend will smile when she thinks you took the time to call and reconnect.

Unless a person makes a remarkable effort to change their personalities (not counting the spouse trying to change you), I believe we are who we are all throughout our life. I am still the same, I've been told by my friends it's something they can count on no matter the year or the circumstance.
And yes, curious, playful, sarcastic only among my friends who can handle it and expect it to lighten the mood, with common sense thrown in and good judgement most times. There you have it, like me or not!
 
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Glad you got to have a nice conversation @bobcat48 with your old flame.
There's many stories of high school couples getting together after both their spouses passed on.
I think we keep our basic personalities through life. That's why sometimes we say things that are coming from a twenty year old but out of the mouth of a sixty year old and it seems inappropriate. I have to be careful of that.
Some things just sound goofy at our age!!
 
Right Now said:
What a nice surprise for you, @bobcat48! And I'm sure your gal friend will smile when she thinks you took the time to call and reconnect.

Unless a person makes a remarkable effort to change their personalities (not counting the spouse trying to change you), I believe we are who we are all throughout our life. I am still the same, I've been told by my friends it's something they can count on no matter the year or the circumstance.
And yes, curious, playful, sarcastic only among my friends who can handle it and expect it to lighten the mood, with common sense thrown in and good judgement most times. There you have it, like me or not!
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A well rounded playful personality. No sense messing with that. Nice to know you have retained a winning formula throughout your life.
 
hearlady said:
Glad you got to have a nice conversation @bobcat48 with your old flame.
There's many stories of high school couples getting together after both their spouses passed on.
I think we keep our basic personalities through life. That's why sometimes we say things that are coming from a twenty year old but out of the mouth of a sixty year old and it seems inappropriate. I have to be careful of that.
Some things just sound goofy at our age!!
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Groovy Lady Bug. I can dig it. (Lol) Seriously thought it is fun revisiting. I had been a DJ for about 7 years, and when it came time for our class 50th reunion, I had all my equipment so I DJ'd the event. Lots of fun with oldies music, and we danced after dinner. It was great to feel young again, even though we weren't.
 
Revisiting an Ex is a bit like riding a bike...with a flat tire.

It's usually a bumpy ride because you quickly realize why you parted ways in the first place. Never understood how people stay 'friends' with their ex-partners. For me, when the spark is gone...it's over. I move on to other people in my life.
 
Beezer said:
Revisiting an Ex is a bit like riding a bike...with a flat tire.

It's usually a bumpy ride because you quickly realize why you parted ways in the first place. Never understood how people stay 'friends' with their ex-partners. For me, when the spark is gone...it's over. I move on to other people in my life.
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Actually, in this case, she was going off to pursue a career in lab work, and I joined the Air Force, so there wasn't any breakup. Life just took us different directions. But I get your point.
 
A couple of good friends from high school came back from Vietnam totally changed. My son isn't quite the same since he came back from Afghanistan. Trauma can change your personality and your outlook, philosophies and interests..

But I've dated ladies decades after we had classes together or dated in HS and it's true, it was like hardly any time passed at all.
 
After spending 30 years in the military, I have no doubt that my personality has changed. I am not as passive as I once was. I wouldn't think that I was introverted, but I wasn't the person who had to be seen, either. During football and baseball season, I was the "go to" guy. You know the type. The guy that will get the timely base hit or the one yard we needed to get a 1st down. So, I got a lot of pats on the back, but that always and still does bother me. In fact, I really don't like anyone putting their hands on me, unless there is a good reason to do so. I don't know exactly what that means or why I fee that way.

We had a kid that was a real introvert and when I was able to go to our 25th reunion, I noticed a huge change in him. I thought to myself, well, Tim has come out of his shell. He likes a little attention now. I liked the guy, no matter what, but even though he was a very good wrestler and belonged to the Varsity Club, he never had many friends. Maybe 2 or 3. He was always in the weight room after school.

I wanted to add that old flames are exciting to see years later. I had one, even though we didn't go out on a regular basis, we did have a lot of dates. One night she asked if she could pay for the movie and whatever we were going to get at the snack bar. I always had a problem letting the female pay. I don't know why that was, either. I asked if we could just do 50/50 and she said no, she wanted to treat. I think maybe she had a bet with someone that she could get me to let her pay. Someone planted that idea in my head and it sort of stuck. So I capitulated and said sure, go ahead.
 
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When I was doing repos for a couple of large GM leasing companies in the Toronto are in the 1990's, I recovered a car that turned out to belong to the husband of an old girl friend from the 70's. She came out of the house as my tow truck driver was hooking up the car. She knew me right away, but it took me a few seconds to remember her. Obviously she now had a different last name, but she laughed at the situation. He husband was away , out of town. I told her that I would give her some time to remove any personal property from the car, before it was towed away. She said " It's his junk , I don't care about any of it ". At that point I decided she was a lot more vindictive than she was when I last knew her. Repos were a never ending series of odd stuff. Excuses, of all types, every day. My motto was ...."If you don't pay, I make it go away ". You lease something, you never OWN it. JimB.
 
Murrmurr said:
A couple of good friends from high school came back from Vietnam totally changed. My son isn't quite the same since he came back from Afghanistan. Trauma can change your personality and your outlook, philosophies and interests..

But I've dated ladies decades after we had classes together or dated in HS and it's true, it was like hardly any time passed at all.
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Sorry to hear about the trauma your son and friends went through. There is hope though. My good friend went through it after two tours in Iraq, and it has taken time, but he is getting his old personality back.
Good to hear about the HS get togethers and feeling like old times. It reinvigorates the soul.
 
bobcat48 said:
Sorry to hear about the trauma your son and friends went through. There is hope though. My good friend went through it after two tours in Iraq, and it has taken time, but he is getting his old personality back.
Good to hear about the HS get togethers and feeling like old times. It reinvigorates the soul.
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My son actually changed for the better; more determined to get what he wants out of life. Makes him difficult to get along with sometimes, but that's not a deal-breaker or anything.

As for reconnecting with gals from HS, yeah, that's all good, but there were a couple times I thought "Egads, how come that never bothered me before?" :p

By and large, though, I agree our personalities form early and don't change much.
 
Well, I was so happy and creative until my first marriage. Two hours after I got married, I knew it was all wrong.
Dominating, cruel, mean, physically abusive and that changed my personality until years later when I could divorce him.
No longer could I express through singing, dance, writing poetry, writing songs, laughing, creating. I always wore brown.
Felt like I was in prison. Nothing was fun or enjoyable except when my two children and I could sneak away to the beach
or something. I was completely beaten down and felt like nothing. It destroys you. @Ronni knows what this is like.

It took years and yeah, This life went by so terribly fast, working all the time, and only NOW am I back to being myself
again. experiencing life and my soul, (which is any age). It's all about growing and evolving into more and more happiness,
Isn't it! Freedom of expression, freedom of thought and words, are so important to experiencing your true self.
 
Gaer said:
Well, I was so happy and creative until my first marriage. Two hours after I got married, I knew it was all wrong.
Dominating, cruel, mean, physically abusive and that changed my personality until years later when I could divorce him.
No longer could I express through singing, dance, writing poetry, writing songs, laughing, creating. I always wore brown.
Felt like I was in prison. Nothing was fun or enjoyable except when my two children and I could sneak away to the beach
or something. I was completely beaten down and felt like nothing. It destroys you. @Ronni knows what this is like.

It took years and yeah, This life went by so terribly fast, working all the time, and only NOW am I back to being myself
again. experiencing life and my soul, (which is any age). It's all about growing and evolving into more and more happiness,
Isn't it! Freedom of expression, freedom of thought and words, are so important to experiencing your true self.
Click to expand...
I do know. 💔 I’m so glad you escaped! ❤️👍
 
Gaer said:
Well, I was so happy and creative until my first marriage. Two hours after I got married, I knew it was all wrong.
Dominating, cruel, mean, physically abusive and that changed my personality until years later when I could divorce him.
No longer could I express through singing, dance, writing poetry, writing songs, laughing, creating. I always wore brown.
Felt like I was in prison. Nothing was fun or enjoyable except when my two children and I could sneak away to the beach
or something. I was completely beaten down and felt like nothing. It destroys you. @Ronni knows what this is like.

It took years and yeah, This life went by so terribly fast, working all the time, and only NOW am I back to being myself
again. experiencing life and my soul, (which is any age). It's all about growing and evolving into more and more happiness,
Isn't it! Freedom of expression, freedom of thought and words, are so important to experiencing your true self.
Click to expand...
So glad you finally found yourself again, and freedom. It's a sad thing to lose yourself in a relationship, but so many do.
 
Sorry you went through that, @Gaer.

Funny how some people will choose a creative, happy person to come down on.

I went through that too — but now that's over, and I got a good man for my second marriage.
 
Devi said:
Sorry you went through that, @Gaer.

Funny how some people will choose a creative, happy person to come down on.

I went through that too — but now that's over, and I got a good man for my second marriage.
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Thanks @Devi, Yes, My second marriage, my now-late husband, was pretty terrific.
I was a little more discriminating in my choosing!
Yes, It's over but it did change my personality for a while.
 
I guess you could say I've changed in certain respects. I was basically kind of shy in high school, but I had friends and got along well with classmates. Now I'm outgoing, not shy at all. Part of that has to do with the field I wound up going into that turned into a career. Part of it had to do with just becoming a full fledged woman who sometimes had to advocate for my child. My husband used to say I flirted; I said I'm just friendly, flirting is not my intent. He also used to say I sparkled. Both of us were friendly and had the ability to start good conversations with strangers.
 

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