Anyone Worry What Will Become Of Them?

Remy

Member
Location
California, USA
I sure do. I'm over 60 now, work part time. Rent. Rents have gone up in my area due to fires and real-estate inventory is low and has also gone up due to the same. I recently bought but never moved into (and sold) a manufactured home in a park. It was large and there were other reasons I didn't feel comfortable with the place.

Inventory is so low in this town and nicer decently newer places don't come up often. I wish they would start another park, I'd order a new one if they allowed smaller places.

I wish I could look in other towns, even states but I'm trapped here due to my over 90 stepfather. I admit, I have a lot of resentment toward him for his enabling my mother's abuse. My mother did have trauma but in the end, she had a husband who put up with her abuse, who had a nice retirement and my mother didn't need to worry about money. They were certainly not rich but able to afford what they needed.

And I'm just getting scared. I'm on my own, I have no support, my brother is an abuser himself and he is not anyone I can talk to. I'm very low contact with him and when my stepfather is gone, he's completely gone too.
 

SetWave

Well-known Member
Location
Monterey Bay
I'm very concerned you are becoming frightened and completely understand how that might be.
I'm a worrier but when I can stop over thinking things I realize everything is okay.
If you are basically covered (have food and shelter) nothing else really matters.
Seriously.
I hope you can relax and enjoy what good life offers you.
 

MarciKS

No longer active.
I sure do. I'm over 60 now, work part time. Rent. Rents have gone up in my area due to fires and real-estate inventory is low and has also gone up due to the same. I recently bought but never moved into (and sold) a manufactured home in a park. It was large and there were other reasons I didn't feel comfortable with the place.

Inventory is so low in this town and nicer decently newer places don't come up often. I wish they would start another park, I'd order a new one if they allowed smaller places.

I wish I could look in other towns, even states but I'm trapped here due to my over 90 stepfather. I admit, I have a lot of resentment toward him for his enabling my mother's abuse. My mother did have trauma but in the end, she had a husband who put up with her abuse, who had a nice retirement and my mother didn't need to worry about money. They were certainly not rich but able to afford what they needed.

And I'm just getting scared. I'm on my own, I have no support, my brother is an abuser himself and he is not anyone I can talk to. I'm very low contact with him and when my stepfather is gone, he's completely gone too.
maybe it's time to look into some low income housing. prehaps the dept of aging can help you find a place.
 

Gaer

Life will expand!
Remy, You're so young! I am SO MUCH older than you and you are already planning to resign from life.
Please realize, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment!" (from the Angels)
I have the feeling,
The rest of my life lies before me and I must run to meet it!
Don't ever be afraid of ANYTHING!

i always do the things I'm most afraid to do.
I guess my experience has taught me, no matter what happens, I will always survive!
If,perchance, I don't, then a wonderful new experience awaits me after the death of my body.!
You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you! Amazing things can happen to you!
You can MAKE THEM HAPPEN!
 
Hey Remy, you certainly are a good person to be taking care of and worrying about your stepfather! Should get you some good Karma.

This housing bubble we are in won't last, they never do. I know yours is different because of the fires, but still it will not last. If you can hang on a while supply will catchup with demand and things will be different. Maybe not overnight, but before too many years.

Things will get better for you, I am sure of it!
 

horseless carriage

Senior Member
Remy, You're so young! I am SO MUCH older than you and you are already planning to resign from life.
Please realize, "Any wonderful thing can happen at any moment!" (from the Angels)
I have the feeling,
The rest of my life lies before me and I must run to meet it!
Don't ever be afraid of ANYTHING!

i always do the things I'm most afraid to do.
I guess my experience has taught me, no matter what happens, I will always survive!
If,perchance, I don't, then a wonderful new experience awaits me after the death of my body.!
You have the whole rest of your life ahead of you! Amazing things can happen to you!
You can MAKE THEM HAPPEN!
Remy, is Gaer's post not from the heart? It certainly inspires me. Back in our younger days we were berated for remaining childless. "What will you do when you get old?" We got asked, "probably die," I thought. But with no heirs what do we do with all of life's collections? Most likely, give it to charity. Truly I'm with Gaer, don't worry.
 

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Remy, I'm married but sorta kinda in your situation; Huzz and I never had any kids and I don't know if he's in denial about what's coming sooner rather than later (we're quite a bit older than you) or just doesn't give a sh*t, but he refuses to do anything that would relieve my worry about things, won't downsize at all to an even slightly smaller place, even slightly closer to town, what are we going to do when we can no longer drive (just about time for me and I wonder about him). He just refuses to discuss it, so my heart goes out to you, I can sure sympathize. I was also going to suggest the low-income housing and suggest that even though you seem really young to me, you might want to start checking into it now; around here, the few low income places we have usually have waiting lists of at least a couple years. Good luck to you.
 

Aneeda72

Well-known Member
The rent for a space on a mobile home park can be as much as the rent or payment on a condo or a house. I would follow the advice and get an apartment in government housing if you qualify or at least senior housing.

You should meet people, like yourself, a d you can help each other when needed. My mother is 96 and lives in senior housing. She has friends to help when necessary and managers in ER situations. Brother and sister in law used to help her, but they are aging now and have their own issues and needs.

Just because there are family, that doesn’t mean family will help or be available for you when you age. It’s a.ways up to us to care for ourselves.
 

J-Kat

New Member
Lived alone for almost all of my adult life. Never married and never had kids. I remember my Aunt and others chastising me for not doing so and saying I would not have anyone to take care of me when I got old. One can have a whole passel of kids and they may not take care of you. I worked in the health care field and saw that to be the case so much of the time. It sounds as if you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are relatively young. You are able to work. Even part time work keeps you from sitting at home feeling worthless. You had the means to purchase a house and sell it so I assume you can do that again if the right situation presents itself. You are to be commended for taking care of your stepfather. But now might be the time to start seriously thinking about and exploring other options for yourself when that commitment is fulfilled. Consider what is important to you in terms of locations, housing costs, etc. should you decide to move. If you can take a few days and go visit areas you think you might like to live. As Gaer suggested, you have a lot of life ahead, don't waste it, embrace it and get out there and let it happen.
 

MarciKS

No longer active.
Lived alone for almost all of my adult life. Never married and never had kids. I remember my Aunt and others chastising me for not doing so and saying I would not have anyone to take care of me when I got old. One can have a whole passel of kids and they may not take care of you. I worked in the health care field and saw that to be the case so much of the time. It sounds as if you are not giving yourself enough credit. You are relatively young. You are able to work. Even part time work keeps you from sitting at home feeling worthless. You had the means to purchase a house and sell it so I assume you can do that again if the right situation presents itself. You are to be commended for taking care of your stepfather. But now might be the time to start seriously thinking about and exploring other options for yourself when that commitment is fulfilled. Consider what is important to you in terms of locations, housing costs, etc. should you decide to move. If you can take a few days and go visit areas you think you might like to live. As Gaer suggested, you have a lot of life ahead, don't waste it, embrace it and get out there and let it happen.
I have no kids and I worked in several nursing homes. They are basically a dump site.
 

Lara

Member since 2015
Location
Emerald Isle NC
Remi, you live in California and the real estate there is crazy high. Can you move to another state and take your dad with you where rent is inexpensive and find an "Active 55+ Community". You need to build a "family" of supportive friends where there are clubs to join and activities always planned like Bus trips, hiking, playing cards like Bridge, Chess, Birdwatching, walks, dancing, luncheons, crafts...etc etc.

Arizona isn't far. It's pretty hot in the summer but it's dry so good for arthritis and why a lot of retirees like it there. But you go out for walks in the mornings, then stay indoors and do floor exercises, entertain friends, read, TV, etc, Most communities have a pool. Taxes are low.
 
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Jim W.

Member
I'm "lucky" in that I own my house outright. No monthly payments. I'm 63 and live alone as I always have. I get a small SS check every month but it's more than enough to support myself on. My guess is that I will die inside this house and nobody will know unless/until the smell drifts outside, which it might because I leave my windows open most of the year.

My biggest worry is that I might still have a cat when I go and I'd hate for the poor thing to starve. If that happens, I hope that my corpse can be a source of food for him/her.

Other than that, my main worry is what will happen to a lifetime of stuff I've collected and the money I have in the bank.

I just read something online this morning about setting up an annuity and leaving it in my will to the Humane Society of the United States. Supposed to be a good charity with over 70% of donations going directly to the care of animals. Think I'll look into that.

As far as going into a nursing home is concerned, I learned from the experience of both my parents that one of the most important things you can do to stay independent and in your own home, is to....

EXERCISE YOUR LEGS!!!!

A LOT!!!!!


As soon as your legs go and you can't stand up and move around on your own anymore, that's the end of it. It's into the nursing home you go.

For the past several months, I've been trying to walk for an hour every day. I think I cover about a mile and a half or so.

I think as long as I keep that up, I should hopefully remain pretty healthy and able to stay out of the old folks dump.

OTOH, I'm not even too worried about that. I think I'd have a fairly good time in a nursing home as long as I had my wits about me.

I might even make some friends for the first time in years.

At least I wouldn't be alone all the time like I am now....

So basically, I'm not too worried about what will become of me.

I know I'll be dead eventually anyway, like everyone else.

I'm just hoping there is some kind of reasonably pleasant afterlife.
 

katlupe

Senior Member
Location
NY
I did worry a lot about that until I took the step to leave my house and move into a senior living apartment. I knew I needed to get out of there. Since I moved here, I have a whole new life and soon I will be 69, but feel I can age here as long as my health holds up. I have been working on that and making progress. I have two friends here who are both 96 years and have lived in this complex for over twenty years. One has a pretty busy life, always going out and even takes the bus to Walmart if she wants to go.

I have a son who is disabled and I live a couple blocks away from him. Instead of him taking care of me, I take care of him. He comes here almost daily and is doing pretty good so far. But my biggest worry is what will happen to him if something happens to me.

Senior housing is based on your income and your bills, especially medical ones. Once you reach 65, in NY at least, you can have a home health aide or personal care aide come in regularly and help you with housecleaning, errands, personal care or whatever you need. If you have a Office for the Aging office in your area, call them and tell them your concerns. They will point you in the right direction as they want you to be able to age in place or help you find a place to do that.
 

JonDouglas

Senior Member
Location
New England
I think it is natural to be concerned about one's future, regardless of your age. The best way to deal with that concern, IMHO, is found in the advice given in previous posts - pay credence to your concern, gather up your faith and take it on by branching out and reaching out. Open yourself up to new ideas, friends, activities, places, etc. To paraphrase what someone said, "Do not go quietly into that good night." To put it more bluntly, kick the future in the ass.
 

Betty&Jeremy

New Member
What if life gives you nothing enjoyable....? :unsure:
Some will choose that because they are not trying hard enough. But its not even hard, many our age shoot too much opportunities down in their life. We can't be too picky, we can't expect perfection.
 


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