Are we crazy to move??

Even though you’re not close to his kids, do you think DH has decided he does want to remain close to them?
 

officerripley said:
Yep, more and more, talking to people both IRL and online, seems like most husbands are that way. Makes us who are married to guys like that members of a large club, sigh. I feel especially sorry for the wives who want to move to be near kids/grandkids so they can at least see those kids in person once in a great while and the husbands seem as if they couldn't care less whether they ever see the own kids or grandkids ever again. I know a lot of gals IRL in this situation and they are really sad about this. (And no, the old husbands aren't right when they say "those darn kids can come see us"; all or most of those "darn" kids are busy working their butts off to feed their kids & keep a roof overhead and while it's true it's better for the kids to drive, what these old guys need to do is agree to move closer to the kids and make it better for everybody. And if the old guys say "well, that wouldn't make it better for ME"; well, that's what getting old consists of, pal, giving more and more things up. Welcome to the party, pal!)
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Yes...I know some women that are in the same boat. Their husbands are selfish in them wanting what THEY want. I admit, I didn't put up much of a fuss when my husband wanted to move here in 2014. He'd been through a horrendous fall in 2012 and had many surgeries and almost lost his life to sepsis, so I felt sorry for him and just let him have his way. I was wrong in how I handled it. Anyway...I'm glad we don't have any grandkids to consider or miss.
 
Jules said:
Even though you’re not close to his kids, do you think DH has decided he does want to remain close to them?
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He has always been "close" to them (in his mind), but this last summer has shown him a different side of them. His eldest son (who's 52) told me when his dad was getting ready for back surgery in June that he wouldn't be able to come to the hospital or help me at home with him because he refused to get vaccinated and didn't believe in Covid and he was sure the hospital would check him for vaccination. That told my husband that his son thought less of him and more of his political views. Then, his daughter and her husband, who drive for FedEx have been all over the country and are anti-vaxers also and he asked them to not come over. His daughter got her feelings hurt and didn't call him for a couple months...not even to see how his total knee replacement was doing.

It hurt his feelings a lot because he gave a lot when they were young to be close to them. They were living in PA at the time and he was in the process of getting a divorce from her but she took off one day and took the kids to CA where she was from. He quit his job in PA and went to CA. He didn't trust her to take care of the kids. That's when we broke up in 1977/78 and didn't get back together until 1997. Anyway...he sacrificed a lot for them. They are unwilling to do the same for him so being close to them isn't really an option anymore for him.
 

gloria said:
A great place to live is Arroyo Grande, California. The beach is close by and 2 miles away from the beach are lovely,
homes looking down on ocean, totally perfect weather. Santa Barbara a hr. south.
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Isn't California a really expensive to live in? Here in Texas, there are a lot of California folks moving in and buying the million dollar homes, saying what deals they got!
 
Liberty said:
Isn't California a really expensive to live in? Here in Texas, there are a lot of California folks moving in and buying the million dollar homes, saying what deals they got!
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Yes...CA is very expensive to live...especially when you have a limited budget after retirement. We lived in south TX for several years and it was affordable back then, but that's changed. No more senior breaks like before. Here, in AZ where we live (close to Las Vegas), building is going wild. They can't build houses fast enough. Most people coming here are from CA, OR, and WA because it's so much cheaper to live.
 
Oh, come on here - just because we live in the Northeast, does NOT mean we have "so much snow to shovel!" We live in the middle of a village so our driveway is not long. Everyone on the street has a guy with a pick-up and a plow to do their driveway! We only shovel the kitchen steps and a short walk in the front for the Postman - and often our neighbors just do that for us before we even get up in the morning. The streets and sidewalks are kept clear by the town. A couple of wool sweaters, a hat and gloves and we're fine. Snow does not stop anyone here :giggle: Cold crisp air - lovin' it!
 
@Colleen Dear Colleen lately I have been so homesick I could eat the wood on these antique chest of drawers of my grandmother's I brought all the way over here. I've read on so many expat forums how people can be so homesick or just fed up with whereever it is they have landed and long to go back. Some go back and most are not really always that happy then either. I do think we are all more at ease and secure when we ar at least in contact with our people of origin. By that I don't mean necessarily family, just those people who communicate and understand where we are coming from at a deeper level than even words express. You seem the kind of person who will always be able to work things out wherever you go. I wish for you a happy wholesome healthy life wherever it leads you. ⛵️ 🌇 🌄 🌇 ⛵️
 
Colleen said:
My husband, who is 81 today, and I (just turned 75) have been planning to move from AZ to either PA or OH. We lived and worked many years in NW PA so that's the area we're most familiar and comfortable with. Yes...we know all about snow and cold weather. I was born in MI so I don't really mind it.

We've been in AZ for 7 years and we've had enough. My question is...are we crazy, at our age, to make such a move? We're both in good health and even though my husband had a total knee replacement 10 weeks ago, he's healing fast (thanks to PT twice a week) and getting stronger all the time. We're not planning to move until March or April. We'll have the winter to pack, get our house sold, and line up the van lines. We've moved so many times over the years but this time we wonder if we have the energy to do it.

Sometimes, when I think about moving I get overwhelmed and wonder if we're doing the right thing. Then, I think about all the things we want to do before we leave this earth and we can't do them here in AZ. Quality of life is not good for us here and if we're going to go, it has to be now...or never.

I'd welcome any opinions.
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Oh my goodness IMO you should definitely pursue any dreams you have!! You are in good health and as you said, you were tired of Az so I say go for it!! Sure it is tiring but being excited for a new move and anticipating new adventures just might carry your through. Plus you can hire some help
 
Brummie said:
just wondering when the last time you were in any of the places you mentioned.?
Anayway if you do decide on a state, before you sell your home, rent for 3-6 months before you make the move.
Good Luck.
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We have lived in these areas that I mentioned so we know the good and the bad. Looking forward to changes of seasons :)
gloria said:
Arizona has some nice cool towns in the northern part, if your looking for cooler weather.
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We already live in northern AZ at 3500 feet elevation.
 
Alice November said:
@Colleen Dear Colleen lately I have been so homesick I could eat the wood on these antique chest of drawers of my grandmother's I brought all the way over here. I've read on so many expat forums how people can be so homesick or just fed up with whereever it is they have landed and long to go back. Some go back and most are not really always that happy then either. I do think we are all more at ease and secure when we ar at least in contact with our people of origin. By that I don't mean necessarily family, just those people who communicate and understand where we are coming from at a deeper level than even words express. You seem the kind of person who will always be able to work things out wherever you go. I wish for you a happy wholesome healthy life wherever it leads you. ⛵️ 🌇 🌄 🌇 ⛵️
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Totally agree! We have lived here for 7 years and don't really "fit in" because we have come from a different part of the country that thinks differently. No one has ever welcomed us. I extended an invitation to a couple neighbors pre-Covid to have dinner with us but they declined because of other commitments. We use to have friends in PA that we had many activities with but not here. Everyone is so closed off and we've become the same way.

For example: when we first moved here, I attended a quilt guild meeting and was hoping to be a part of a group that had the same interest as me. Not one person spoke to me or welcomed me or asked me if I was new in town, etc. The woman sitting next to me ignored me like I had the plague and when I tried to talk to her, she got up and moved. I went home crying and told my husband we had made a huge mistake. He is a trap shooter and has been in many competitions all over but the "club" here was so unfriendly to him and when they learned he wasn't the same political party, they really shunned him.

When we lived in TX, I worked for a company that hired only Hispanic girls (we did medical billing) and I was the only non-Hispanic there. Those girls treated me like I was dirt and when I gave my notice 2 years later and said we were moving back to PA, one of the girls came up to me and said (and I quote), "It's a good thing you're going back where you belong".

Well, we can't wait to get back to where we belong. Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace.
 
Colleen said:
Totally agree! We have lived here for 7 years and don't really "fit in" because we have come from a different part of the country that thinks differently. No one has ever welcomed us. I extended an invitation to a couple neighbors pre-Covid to have dinner with us but they declined because of other commitments. We use to have friends in PA that we had many activities with but not here. Everyone is so closed off and we've become the same way.

For example: when we first moved here, I attended a quilt guild meeting and was hoping to be a part of a group that had the same interest as me. Not one person spoke to me or welcomed me or asked me if I was new in town, etc. The woman sitting next to me ignored me like I had the plague and when I tried to talk to her, she got up and moved. I went home crying and told my husband we had made a huge mistake. He is a trap shooter and has been in many competitions all over but the "club" here was so unfriendly to him and when they learned he wasn't the same political party, they really shunned him.

When we lived in TX, I worked for a company that hired only Hispanic girls (we did medical billing) and I was the only non-Hispanic there. Those girls treated me like I was dirt and when I gave my notice 2 years later and said we were moving back to PA, one of the girls came up to me and said (and I quote), "It's a good thing you're going back where you belong".

Well, we can't wait to get back to where we belong. Life is too short to be miserable. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace.
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I can relate to this. You hear that old saying about "It doesn't matter where you live; you're still you and take yourself with you wherever you go." But I say phooey on that (most of the time anyway). The U.S. is such a darn big country and things really are different in different parts. For instance, in my area about 99 percent of the females in my age group are both grandmas and very religious (both of which I am not). Someone said to me once, "You know, with your hobbies & interests, and your political leanings and your lack of religious belief, I think you'd be happier in or very near a big city." And near a big city is where I grew up. But getting anywhere near a big city is out of the question now due to a lot of reasons. So here I stay and I really have tried to make the best of it. But there really are times when there really is no "best" for somebody to make of a situation. So my heart goes out to you; good luck whatever happens.
 
I've always tried to live by this rule: When you look back on it all, which one do you think you'll regret not doing more; staying or going? I'm in the "do it" category. If you've thought about it for this long, there's a real possibility you'll regret never having taken that chance. All the details will work themselves out. Get some movers, downsize all you can, and go on what may be the Last Great Adventure. You've got each other, live while you can. But do keep us posted. :cool:
 
MrPants said:
No, you're not crazy. You both obviously don't feel comfortable or at home in AZ so yes, make the move while you still can. It's always a great opportunity to 'declutter' as well :) Moving, particularly a distance like you are talking about, is always stressful and a lot of work but if you feel you're up to it then for sure do it.

I'd be interested to know how you plan to purchase a new place in whatever State you go to as you are currently in AZ. I expect that will perhaps be challenging in itself?

Sounds like a great adventure though - best of luck with whatever you decide!
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Hi....I think you should do what it is in your heart......
We are always saying we want to move to another state....
But our children, they are all older and have their children, but
we do have another home ......We maybe will have to sell our home....2 homes are getting expensive....Our kids are Ok about
us to sell our home....And keep the one in another state....
But me.....I'm a little scared....Me and my husband are old!!!
but keeping up 2 homes are getting hard...So here we go again.
We are going to our other home pretty soon....Of course it is
warmer....that's why the kids think we should go to the warmer
weather.....Anyway.....We are trying .....but it is hard to give up
our home of 45 years.....Oh, well..........
 
peppermint said:
Hi....I think you should do what it is in your heart......
We are always saying we want to move to another state....
But our children, they are all older and have their children, but
we do have another home ......We maybe will have to sell our home....2 homes are getting expensive....Our kids are Ok about
us to sell our home....And keep the one in another state....
But me.....I'm a little scared....Me and my husband are old!!!
but keeping up 2 homes are getting hard...So here we go again.
We are going to our other home pretty soon....Of course it is
warmer....that's why the kids think we should go to the warmer
weather.....Anyway.....We are trying .....but it is hard to give up
our home of 45 years.....Oh, well..........
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Life changes and you have to adapt. Don't wait too long because the decluttering is really taxing the older we get. I had to clean out my mother's house from probably 50 years of 'stuff'! Took a month of hard labor but it is doable. Divide everything into three piles: Garbage, donate and keep. The keep pile should be the smallest - by far!

It's really tough to get rid of things you have been used to seeing for years and years but it is necessary and in the long run, you won't miss those things. The few things you keep will be reminders enough of your previous life. It's either move forward or be swallowed up by the past. That's the way I look at it. Best wished to you and your hubby. Be bold! Start a new chapter while you are still able :)
 


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