Are you good at keeping secrets ???

PeppermintPatty

PeppermintPatty

🐢. 🐳. 🐢
Location
Canada
One of my in-laws split up years ago so there’s family gossip going on about what might have happened. The partners both have new lovers and one of them is getting married so there’s an engagement ring.

There’s 4 kids ranging from 15 to 25. Some of them stay with the new partner. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m fairly certainly that they know what an engagement ring is.

Heres the complicated part. I’m still friends with the ex wife and accidentally mentioned the wedding. My partner is furious with me.

These kids aren’t stupid. They understand their parents broke up and are moving on.
If the kids already know, wouldn’t their mother already know too?

My partner is furious with me.
Apparently he’s not going to take me to the wedding.

Is it wrong of me to still be friends with the ex?
We’ve written back and forth for ages now.

I’m in the doghouse. 🤷‍♀️
 

He says he told me not to say anything about the wedding and I didn’t. There are no plans made yet. Relationships are difficult. I know I’ve got issues but my guy does too. He just doesn’t realize it or acknowledge them.

That ‘know thyself’ is an important part of human existence.

Anyway, I’m VENTING!!!

Thank you for putting up with me
 
If they have not told their children of their plans, I think that would be cause for a whole lot of family drama. You have no responsibility here. If it was a so called secret they should not have told anyone, just eloped.

The only people that have a right to be upset are their children. The couple in question is going to have to address this at some point. It is not wrong to have a relationship with the ex now or going forward.

Your partner has no place telling you who you can be friends with. If he says he is not taking you to the wedding, tell him, no problem. I will go by myself. Then he can be the center of attention.

This should be not considered to be a problem in your relationship. What others think about the wedding couple is their business. Just don't add fuel to the fire because of your partners reaction.
 
Sorry, I forgot to directly answer your question. Yes, I can keep a secret but most can't. Part of the problem is the person that has a so called secret just told the secret to someone. They will tell "the secret" to a dozen others.

Usually if someone asks if they can tell me a secret, I say no. I don't want to know. I dont want to be at blame the secret is no longer a secret.

Truth be told if I had to tell a secret, get something off my chest I would sooner tell my doctor I am struggling with personal issues that I can't discuss with family or friends to advise me.

Example, of course this is now longer a secret. When my husband was ill with cancer, we tried every avenue possible in our area.We did a clinical trial first in Dallas. It did not work and everyone was so disappointed, We found out while on a trip to a family funeral that he was out of the trial. The family was getting angry because we seemed to be disconnected from the family. We had bigger fish to fry but needless to say we were upset and shut down.

I later found a clinical trial on the NIH, I had all of his records sent there trying to get approved to be in the trial. We made the decision to not tell anyone until we got approval. If he was not accepted, the family, friends would be suffering, knowing what that meant. We did get accepted and told everyone right away.
 
This is the end result of what happens when people gossip.

I’m the wife of one of the brothers whose relationship ended. Just because their relationship didn’t work out , doesn’t mean mine has to end.

I try very hard not to talk about family stuff to my family friend due to the circumstances but sometimes the topic is going to come up which is what happened. Nothing was said to purposely hurt anyone. It wasn’t intentional. It was more of a slip up on my part.

I wasn’t asked to keep a secret. The new fiancé has had an engagement ring on her finger for a full year and they were dating for a full year before that.

These kids know that an engagement ring signifies a wedding. There are no solid plans that were shared. In fact, there wasn’t anything shared except the fact that the couple is getting married. Clearly there’s some family animosity that’s getting projected my way.

Thanks for breaking this down for me. The couple definitely need to address this and my man needs to understand that I choose my own friends. I should not have to end a longtime friendship because a couple broke up.

Family drama. I guess we all go through some.

Thanks for helping me view this better. I instantly feel better about it. This site is great. Such helpful members. 🥰

note: any talk about future weddings weren’t personalized.
 
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PeppermintPatty said:
One of my in-laws split up years ago so there’s family gossip going on about what might have happened. The partners both have new lovers and one of them is getting married so there’s an engagement ring.

There’s 4 kids ranging from 15 to 25. Some of them stay with the new partner. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m fairly certainly that they know what an engagement ring is.

Heres the complicated part. I’m still friends with the ex wife and accidentally mentioned the wedding. My partner is furious with me.

These kids aren’t stupid. They understand their parents broke up and are moving on.
If the kids already know, wouldn’t their mother already know too?

My partner is furious with me.
Apparently he’s not going to take me to the wedding.

Is it wrong of me to still be friends with the ex?
We’ve written back and forth for ages now.

I’m in the doghouse. 🤷‍♀️
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You should definitely stay friends with the ex, don't let anyone ruin that relationship. As Nathan pointed out, you did not swear to secrecy. Those children are hardly kids, they know or should know what's going on.

IMO, your partner is overreacting and you should not be in any doghouse over this. I'd get a ride with someone else if he's going to be a stubborn control freak.
 
If I know it is a secret than I would keep it to myself but, I have never understood why someone would tell someone else a secret, it's not really a secret if you are telling people, is it?

Actually, if you wanted to, you could point out that it was your husband's fault because, he had no business passing on something which he knew was a secret in the first place. ;)
 
Trish said:
If I know it is a secret than I would keep it to myself but, I have never understood why someone would tell someone else a secret, it's not really a secret if you are telling people, is it?

Actually, if you wanted to, you could point out that it was your husband's fault because, he had no business passing on something which he knew was a secret in the first place. ;)
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I think if it's about yourself, it may be more of a secret? If its about what a friend shared with you and told you not to tell anyone because its a secret...and you told me, I agree with you Trish - it's no longer a secret.
 
chic said:
Yes, I'm good at keeping secrets if I'm told I'm being told a secret. I never volunteer information.
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I’ve been embarrassed because a friend had to go into detail about her own illness. She thought another friend would have passed the information on. She was very tired of telling the story and it upset her; it wasn’t a secret.

If something is a secret, let the other person know. Some people hold on to unnecessary things just because they like the power of knowing when others don’t.
 
Has anyone else been close to a family member where there was a sudden divorce?
Did you stay close?
Did it change the relationship?
Did you feel like you were somehow betraying the other family member by staying connected?
 
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I've remained close to my brother's first wife. His 2nd wife knows. In fact, the 3 of us stayed at my niece's house (first wife's and bro)to babysit her newborn twins when they travelled away for a game.

There is no feeling of betrayal, it is what it is.
It's out in the open.

ETA: I want to add that this doesn't mean that wives 1 + 2 are besties. lol
 
dobielvr said:
I've remained close to my brother's first wife. His 2nd wife knows. In fact, the 3 of us stayed at my niece's house (first wife's and bro)to babysit her newborn twins when they travelled away for a game.

There is no feeling of betrayal, it is what it is.
It's out in the open.

ETA: I want to add that this doesn't mean that wives 1 + 2 are besties. lol
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This is nice. I wish all relationships had this much understanding and tolerance.
 

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