Asking for help

Graybeard

Graybeard

New Member
I'm recently semi-disabled and I am having trouble asking for help. There are many things that I can no longer do and I put them off by not asking for help.
I feel like I'm a bother when I do ask for help.

How does one deal with the conflict of needing help but dreading asking?
 

I wish I had that answer. There are things that go undone for far too long because I don't want to ask DD or DSIL to do them for me...like changing a bulb in a ceiling fixture or moving my sofa so that I can clean under it. Come to think of it, it's been so long since the sofa has been moved that there's probably enough kitty fur under it that I could knit another whole kitty. If I could knit.

It's long past time for me to swallow my pride and ask. It's not like they mind being asked or put me off until "later."

It's also getting to be time in the next year or so when I'm going to need to give up my driver's license and get rid of my car. That will mean that whenever there's a doctor or dentist appointment or I want or need to go somewhere (like the garden center), I'll have to ask to be taken there. The loss of my independence doesn't thrill me one bit☹
 
Sure asking is difficult, but there may be times when you must, especially if you can't afford to pay for help, taxi, Uber rides, housekeeping, etc.

You'll get used to it. Remember all the times you've helped others.

Your town may offer senior transport to doctors, clinics, etc. if you're unable to drive.

Contact your town's Dept. of Aging for more ideas. Good luck.

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My sister, divorced and living on her own for about 10 years now, holds a "help mom day" about twice a year. She plans a day when her two children can come over, (one is married so spouse comes too) and they move furniture, help her clean out closets and make a dump run, mow the lawn etc. Her Son-in-law is handy with tools so he fixes things. Then she serves them lunch and they hang out or play games the rest of the afternoon. We LOVE to help our parents and have taught our children that they should always help family. Son-I-L feels useful and happy to show off his skills! Puts a positive spin on it without whining? We are far away from our kids and have carefully asked our neighbor for only important help like sawing down a tree and they have been happy to help! Otherwise, we have found a guy who will come and help in the yard or make a dump run, for cash - a nice tip helps.
 
RadishRose said:
Your town may offer senior transport to doctors, clinics, etc. if you're unable to drive.
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@Graybeard - I googled ''help for seniors in . . . . " and I found a few places that help seniors by volunteers. You can also google ''council on aging'' or ''senior center'' . Here we also have ''ride share'', a low cost transportation for seniors that pick you up at home. There is also ''meals on wheels''. Don't let your pride or shyness deprive you of getting the help you need.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
It's also getting to be time in the next year or so when I'm going to need to give up my driver's license and get rid of my car.
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I really don't want to hijack, but why ^ ^ ^? I plan to do it in 3 years when I turn 80, am getting a little afraid to drive already, but mainly because I've heard I may have to take a driving test and I'll be too nervous and will fail.
 
Hi Graybeard! Many of us need help doing certain things when we get older, so you're not alone. If you feel funny asking friends or neighbors, then you need to hire a responsible person to do what you need done.

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Greybeard, we are in the same boat. I don't know why, but I keep telling people that I will do X, Y, or Z. And I can't. I do it over and over again. My neice was getting married in Mass, 450 miles from me. I said I would attend the wedding. Well, the day comes, and there is no way in hell that I can drive 450 miles. A drive to the market of 12 miles is about my limit. So, I didn't go to the wedding, which caused all kinds of hard feelings. That was over a decade ago. If tomorrow, she was getting remarried, I'd still say I'll be there, I'll drive up. Why I have so much trouble admitting my limitations is beyond me.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Greybeard, we are in the same boat. I don't know why, but I keep telling people that I will do X, Y, or Z. And I can't. I do it over and over again. My neice was getting married in Mass, 450 miles from me. I said I would attend the wedding. Well, the day comes, and there is no way in hell that I can drive 450 miles. A drive to the market of 12 miles is about my limit. So, I didn't go to the wedding, which caused all kinds of hard feelings. That was over a decade ago. If tomorrow, she was getting remarried, I'd still say I'll be there, I'll drive up. Why I have so much trouble admitting my limitations is beyond me.
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Positive thinking, perhaps.
 
It is definitely difficult for most of us to ask for help, even once we finally realize that we do need some.

We don't want to need it, and we don't want to inconvenience someone else, or to ask for something they might not want to be doing, willingly and happily.

Some of us can no longer "return" favors, so we feel like, or may be viewed by others, as burdens. Many of us prefer to go without, rather than that, but the unmet needs become more essential and pressing over time.

It's hard, even though many of us helped others when younger or more able, and thought perhaps someone would want to help us if/when needed.

It's especially hard if others are not offering.
Others seem to assume we all have family members who would or should help us, but some of us do not.
 
If I can't do it, myself, it isn't worth having done. The only exceptions would be those specialized tasks involving utility services that are done by licensed specialists. If it gets to the point where I need help doing everyday, routine tasks, I'm outta here!
 
PVC said:
I really don't want to hijack, but why ^ ^ ^? I plan to do it in 3 years when I turn 80, am getting a little afraid to drive already, but mainly because I've heard I may have to take a driving test and I'll be too nervous and will fail.
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Because that's when I turn 80. I don't want to be on the 11 o'clock news as "the accident was caused by a confused elderly woman."
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I don't know why, but I keep telling people that I will do X, Y, or Z. And I can't. I do it over and over again.
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My MIL is almost 95 and she often says she can do X, Y and Z which she really can't. It must just be memory that tells us that we still can do all of those things we used to be able to do. Admitting that we can't do them any more as we age is really difficult.
 
TravelinMan said:
My MIL is almost 95 and she often says she can do X, Y and Z which she really can't. It must just be memory that tells us that we still can do all of those things we used to be able to do. Admitting that we can't do them any more as we age is really difficult.
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Dang! That's a good explanation of why we say we can when we really can't. Our "rememberers" remember that we once could do stuff that's beyond us now, and I'm not nearly 95 yet!
 

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