I have been a carer for nearly 40 years. As I mentioned on another thread, as well as having three birth daughters, my husband and I adopted two lads, and fostered a teenage boy with special educational needs. The first one, a boy of 9, came to us in 1982. The foster son who was 16 in 1985, and the youngest lad who was 13 months old in 1986. Our youngest boy and the foster son have Down's Syndrome. In 1994 the two older boys moved out, but our youngest boy stayed with us until 2011. By which time I was also my husband's carer as he has a brain haemorrhage, which trashed half his brain. I couldn't cope with both of them, and our daughters insisted that our son was found a good care home, which we did. He is very happy there and refers to the carers as his staff, which makes them giggle!
I find caring for my husband (72) hard work, he rarely listens to me about his health, and does his own thing, which can be very annoying, especially when it goes wrong. He had a Mensa level intelligence before his haemorrhage, having four degrees including a PH.D. He is still much brighter than me, but I do know better about his health. I threaten him with a care home from time to time if he doesn't listen to what I am saying, and will carry out the threat if it gets too much for me, I deserve a life too. If he gets dementia like his late much older brother he will definitely go into a home. I would have been put in a home from day one if the boot had been on the other foot. We had a 'what if' discussion a couple of years before his illness as to what would happen if either of us became disabled, he categorically stated that there is no way he would be able to care for me, which was no surprise. He was always useless if I was unwell when our kids were young!
How do other posters who are carers cope?
I find caring for my husband (72) hard work, he rarely listens to me about his health, and does his own thing, which can be very annoying, especially when it goes wrong. He had a Mensa level intelligence before his haemorrhage, having four degrees including a PH.D. He is still much brighter than me, but I do know better about his health. I threaten him with a care home from time to time if he doesn't listen to what I am saying, and will carry out the threat if it gets too much for me, I deserve a life too. If he gets dementia like his late much older brother he will definitely go into a home. I would have been put in a home from day one if the boot had been on the other foot. We had a 'what if' discussion a couple of years before his illness as to what would happen if either of us became disabled, he categorically stated that there is no way he would be able to care for me, which was no surprise. He was always useless if I was unwell when our kids were young!
How do other posters who are carers cope?