I have ended three serious relationships since my divorce in 2006. My first relationship was several years after my divorce, I was too traumatized from my marriage to dive right in. He was a very sweet man, the complete opposite in every regard to my ex, which was the entire reason I choose him, though I didn't realize that till later. Though I was his "one" he was not mine, and the breakup was far more painful for him than me. He was a dancer too, and that drew me to him strongly. I told him that though I cared for him, our dance compatibility wasn't enough to sustain the relationship. After a time, he began to speak to me again, and we are still friends and still dance together whenever we're at the same venue.
My second was to another dancer, a doctor, whom I adored. We were together for several years. He was a kind and thoughtful man, wonderful to me in his way, but as it turned out completely emotionally unavailable. He kept himself so much to himself, kept his deeper emotions completely walled off, and wouldn't let me in. I cared for him deeply, and he professed to care for me similarly, but I was unwilling to continue a relationship with someone who wouldn't allow himself or me the deep emotional intimacy that comes with allowing oneself to be vulnerable. We were still really good friends and danced together frequently until he passed away last year.
My third was with a retired gentleman who was extremely literate, well educated, made his money in the computer programming field, was just a very sharp, well read and well rounded man. We were extremely compatible intellectually and would spend hours in deep conversation on every imaginable subject. We were together for three years, and a couple years in began to talk of living together. I was hesitant but he was persuasive and finally I agreed. But I kept putting it off. He was extremely overweight and with limited mobility because of his knees he wasn't able to do much. Even that didn't bother me initially because he had no problem with me going and doing all the active things I loved to do. Eventually though that began to wear on me when I realized that he was essentially living his life vicariously through me. We'd sit on the couch together and he'd get me to explain, in extreme detail, everything I experienced during my outing, whether it was dance, zip lining, canoeing, a walk around the mall, whatever. I began to realize the dysfunctionality of the relationship, his dependence on my outings for his well-being, and finally told him that I had changed my mind about moving in. He was furious, felt betrayed, spent days simply not accepting my answer, and eventually just cut me off completely, refusing to have anything further to do with me. It took me forever, with the aid of an intermediary, to retrieve my belongings from his house.
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