Bullies have all been bullied, or so they say....

grahamg

grahamg

Old codger
Location
South of Manchester, UK
You may have heard it said, that "those who tend to bully others were all themselves bullied at one time or another."

I would put it slightly differently, and say,: "Everyone gets bullied at some time in their lives, but only some people choose to bully others as a result of the way they were treated." :unsure:.
 

Rosemarie said:
Having suffered at the hands of bullies myself and knowing their family background, I can state that that theory is not correct. It may be true of some, but not all.
Why do people keep making excuses for unacceptable behaviour?
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I suppose it begs the question of whether all bullies, had they been treated differently when they were young, would have gone on to be bullies, and I'd guess there is probably an element of that to bear in mind, though as you say, it is an easy excuse, taking away some responsibility from everyone behaving badly. :(.
 

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My mother died from a violent assault by my father. I was 18months old. I have siblings. We were then put in a catholic home, when I was 6, run by the sisters of mercy (not) where bullying was rife. I worked with seniors (when I was younger), special needs children and taught in Further Education colleges. My older sister still helps other seniors. The point here is that we observed bullying and suffered bullying but apart from one sister who was 6 months old when mum died we have all wanted to give out to other people whether emotionally or physically. Bullying has never been on our agenda. I am at my happiest when I am a giver rather than a receiver. :)
 
I've been on both sides.

At some point, children become adults and part of being an adult is learning to control emotions, actions, etc...

Some people are still able to push my buttons and bring out the bully in me. When that happens I get sad and angry with myself for allowing it to happen.

I guess the point is that we should all at least try to recognize and control our bad behavior.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I've been on both sides.

At some point, children become adults and part of being an adult is learning to control emotions, actions, etc...

Some people are still able to push my buttons and bring out the bully in me. When that happens I get sad and angry with myself for allowing it to happen.

I guess the point is that we should all at least try to recognize and control our bad behavior.
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Like many, I have suffered bullying which tends to be the lot of anyone who is in any way atypical. When I was in school, there were no bullying awareness or prevention programs. Safety came only in the higher grades through affiliation with others atypical like yourself who could provide a buffer. We cannot continue to excuse unacceptable behavior on the basis of background, for some receive injury but return kindness...
 
i think it's ridiculous when grown people try to bully others. i'm not one to put up with it. i'm not 13 anymore.
 
Rosemarie said:
Has anyone done a survey on why bullying is more prevalent these days?
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people are just more hateful anymore. i don't know if it's stress or what. i think they just don't care who they hurt as long as they're having a good time. people are just mean.
 
they don't care Rosemarie. they do it for sport. plus it doesn't help when they're allowed to get away with it.
 
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grahamg said:
You may have heard it said, that "those who tend to bully others were all themselves bullied at one time or another."

I would put it slightly differently, and say,: "Everyone gets bullied at some time in their lives, but only some people choose to bully others as a result of the way they were treated." :unsure:.
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I disagree with both parts of your post- the "theory" and your version.
 
Treacle said:
My mother died from a violent assault by my father. I was 18months old. I have siblings. We were then put in a catholic home, when I was 6, run by the sisters of mercy (not) where bullying was rife. I worked with seniors (when I was younger), special needs children and taught in Further Education colleges. My older sister still helps other seniors. The point here is that we observed bullying and suffered bullying but apart from one sister who was 6 months old when mum died we have all wanted to give out to other people whether emotionally or physically. Bullying has never been on our agenda. I am at my happiest when I am a giver rather than a receiver. :)
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I am so saddened for the loss you had to experience, one, being so young, two, your great loss, three, that you had to go through it at all.

I am so respectful of you and admire the giving you have done, and probably still do.
 
Animals are natural bullies; in any "pack" situation, there will be the bullies and the bullied. Children tend to be little animals; thus, there will be bullying. As they grow and mature, they learn sympathy and empathy and all the other -pathies. Unfortunately, some don't. The ones who don't learn and are bold and powerful turn into life-long bullies, who take their frustrations out on those weaker than themselves. The ones who aren't bold, turn to on-line bullying where they don't have to worry about their victims punching their lights out.
 
The concept that society is going to hell is many thousands of years old. The ancient Greeks were convinced. The Roman always wanted to return to a more chaste, pure society. Yet, I'm not sure where bullying comes from. I remember the quote from a German "SS" officer, who was charged with removing the Poles from Poland, he said, "We could do whatever we wanted to do with them". You can't get much colder than that. Clearly, all those Germans, who carried out the atrocities weren't traumatized as children. So why did they do it? And there were German Army regiments, who were nauseated with the "Final Solution"???
 
JaniceM said:
Grahamg wrote, :"Thread title", followed by, "Everbody gets bullied at some time in their life, but only some choose to bully others as a result of the way they were treated."
JaniceM wrote
I disagree with both parts of your post- the "theory" and your version.
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I'm only speculating myself, so am likely to be wrong, but in the case of the bully I have in mind, transferring blame to others is a pronounced characteristic, (if he's aware enough of his behaviour to realise how much he tries to bully everyone mentally, scandalising even family members who probably still love him?).
Moving on, I suppose control freakery is a form of bullying isn't it. :unsure: .
 

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