Childrearing: What did you do differently?

[Aunt Marg]

Like most people, I had some firm ideas about my child rearing future. Of course, my own parents gave me that "just wait until you have children" smug that so many parents enjoy when their children start sharing how they'll be different.

I decided I would never say, "as long as you are under my roof" and successfully maintained that policy through my sons' graduating high school and getting their own apartments. I also decided that I would not take loads of photos.

My not taking childhood photos, beyond school pictures or rare occasions when I consented to their being photographed was based on something I observed during my own childhood.The first thing I noticed was that people with photos rarely had this tendency to ignore their child's having grown up or changed, mainly because they could "recharge" their mind with images of the toddler or preteen.

This might seem silly, but watch someone with a photo album of their children, anywhere in the house, talk to their 10 year old. You might see what I am talking about. The child is only as old as the parents' favorite photo. LOL

Parents will show the most humiliating photos to their child's friends and/or romantic interests. Most people in our age group remember the dreaded bare baby on a bear rug imagery shown to anyone who would look. In today's society you might be jailed for having nude photos of your child, anywhere!

My sons' paternal grandparents, along with their other paternal relatives, had this habit of dragging out photos featuring big wet urine stains on the fronts of hapless toddlers along with other degrading pictures. They thought the photos were cute and harmless.

I did not want to ever be that a type of mother and did not allow photos revealing helplessness, dependency, or defilement. We all choose for our children until they can choose for themselves. Our choices should maintain their dignity.

With this in mind, did you set policies for your children before they were born? If so, which policy was most important? How successful were you with your "carry through"?

Can't say I did anything overly differently from the rest, but I was traditional and old-fashioned in my ways.

As for baby photos, I have a TON... just shy of 10 albums worth of photos from when my kids were born, through to when they were toddlers, and in no way did my taking of baby photos undermine the manner in which I addressed my children. All was kept age-appropriate in our house, and sure, there was fun ribbing over certain things, but never in a degrading way.

 

[JaniceM]

The #1 difference: I believed my kids deserved my time and attention, and made sure they had it.

 

[Aunt Marg]

The #1 difference: I believed my kids deserved my time and attention, and made sure they had it.

Right there with you!

One thing I always loved was story-time before bed. Loved it as a child... loved it as a mom. Quite often I'd make up a fun story about something or another, and rattle away telling it. My kids loved that, and yes, I had a shelf full of children's books that, once my kids reached the age and stage of selecting something they wanted to be read, I'd have them fetch it.

Even thinking back to my babysitting years, I read bedtime stories to many of the kids I sat. There was just something about seeing them happy in their beds and cribs, their innocent, smiling faces lit up like the sun, and their eyes reflecting their contrast in wonder and suspense as the story unfolded.

Story-time is something I always made time for.

 

[C'est Moi]

I always thought that I had the best parents possible in the whole world. I was raised to be honest, polite, and caring , and always to do my best. My mom was always out with her old Kodak camera taking pictures of everything, and it was always a great family evening when we would take out the old picture boxes and look at them, and talk about the memories.

I tried hard to bring up my children with the same values in life as I had been taught. I fell far short of accomplishing everything that my parents did with me, but they still turned out to be wonderful adults, and I couldn't love them more.

I took pictures , too, so now they can look back at the wonderful childhood pictures and remember the times we had,...

I would have written almost the exact same post, so I'll just quote you, HFL!! I had wonderful parents and now I have wonderful kids. I never felt like I "lived up to" my parents when raising my own children but they turned out great despite me.