Clean "Dirty" Stories From Your Life

[dilettante]

Who is willing to relate "dirty" stories from real life that turned out to be completely innocent (or at least close) that are a little wild and maybe wacky and perhaps entertaining?

Not really fishing for dirt or titillation, but hey, we're real people who have led real lives. Why shouldn't we share incidents that might make our kids blush?

Maybe it was that boy across the way who made you all squishy inside, and crazy antics trying to catch another glimpse or drop him hints.

Maybe it was when your lady's old flame came to town, you all went out to eat, and you and he tried to one-up each other foolishly. "{Oh, he has Crohn's? Well I'll just order another bowl of that peppery soup!} Mmm, this is great soup!"

Maybe you had a twin sister, and you played tricks on the guy that she was dating.

Any takers?

 

[dilettante]

Ok, here's one.

Some time after I found myself single again I met a new woman, call her T. T belonged to a 40-somethings singles group. I went to one or two of their dinner meetings, but that scene just wasn't me. I did meet Vera Wang. I'm not sure it was the famous one and even to this day I can't be certain. Most likely not, she seemed to know an unnerving number of people who I knew.

T had a friend from that group who lived nearby, call her K. I spent a lot of time with them, and off and on with a guy from the group we'll call E and a couple of other people.

On my birthday T and K showed up, tied me into a wheelchair with balloons and signs, and more or less stuffed me into a car. Off we went, out of town to a B&B in a tourist town off season.

After the well over an hour ride, we arrived after dark and looked for somewhere still open to get something to eat. Found a place, and of course it was just a bar and grill downstairs from the main restaurant which was closed for the season.

K went through her usual fretting over the menu and then calling out the "chef" to argue about MSG in the meals. I got up to answer the call while that went on, after telling T what to order for me.

I come back, and the local bar monkeys are all turning on their stools or craning their necks to get a look at some oddity. That being our table, or maybe me.

When we left they admitted that they'd told the locals that one of them was my ex girlfriend and the other my ex wife!

We spent two days browsing whatever was open, paintings for sale, etc. had some beers with chips and a collection of hot sauces, yadda yadda. But.

Everywhere we went that darned story followed us. At one point T and K went to the Ladies' and a young waitress came over and asked "Are you really with both of those women?"


Well I was younger then, far more conservative and inexperienced even at that age. I was so embarrassed! And the girls had the nerve to laugh their rears off at me.

It guess it was a pretty good birthday present though.