Compliments - Giving and Receiving

[Jules]

An honest compliment is of the simplest ways to make someone feel good.

Do you do it often. It can even be to someone you don’t know.

Do you forget to do it, especially to family.

If we are doing it all the time, it becomes questioned. Every time I go in a higher end clothing store, the clerks find something to remark on. I find that artificial.

 

[hollydolly]

I compliment people when they deserve it...

I agree about store clerks...

 

[PeppermintPatty]

I compliment people often. So often it probably appears pretentious. Luckily I don’t care how some may feel. In my heart it’s genuine. Most people seem to like it. Some people don’t and I’m ok with that. You simply can’t please everyone but can brighten up one persons day.

 

[NorthernLight]

I try to do it more than I used to, but not too often. Usually as small talk, e.g., "Your garden is looking good" sets a nicer tone than "I couldn't find a parking spot." But as you mention, @Jules , compliments can seem overdone and phony.

Sometimes actions seem better than words. For example, I compliment someone's intelligence by having an intelligent conversation with them.

 

[oldlongwalker]

One of my wife's pet peeves is the way women typically greet each other with some sort of compliment. "Oh I love that blouse!" Drives her nuts.

 

[hearlady]

I think I compliment genuinely.

 

[Murrmurr]

My baby sister (50yrs-old) moved in with us recently. She has low self-esteem, so genuine, well-deserved compliments go a long way with her. They're motivating, stress-relieving, can lift her out of a funk. Complimenting someone's shoes or hair is mostly for strangers, imo, and I give those kind of compliments sometimes, but I'm more apt to compliment an achievement or idea, especially to someone I know.

 

[RadishRose]

I enjoy giving genuine compliments.

Conversely, I feel shy accepting them.

 

[Murrmurr]

I enjoy giving genuine compliments.

Conversely, I feel shy accepting them.

Me, too. But bear in mind, the complimenter feels complimented when they hear "What a nice thing to say; thank you."

 

[Remy]

I've stopped saying anything. Even if someone got an obvious hair cut or anything else much. I don't know why. Just the work environment these days.

On receiving compliments, I hate them. Not that I'm anyone that gets them much. I'm 100% convinced it's from my upbringing of my mom being an OK and even a good mom and then the next rage always came with horrible screaming and damaging words. I was the worst thing ever. I have read that this slingshot behavior is very damaging to children. They can't figure out what's what.

 

[Alligatorob]

I complement often, never hurts me and sometimes makes the recipient feel better.

I don't give wholly undeserved complements, but I will err on the side of complementing if borderline.

There is almost always something I can find in a person worthy of complementing. If not I probably don't spend much time with them.

 

[George1959]

Compliments? Women are the masters of compliments. For instance: "Your turtle neck jumper is so dressy, since it hides perfectly your jowls." My wife says, women can compliment each other hatefully in such a way that no man notices it.

 

[Bella]

Compliments? Women are the masters of compliments. For instance: "Your turtle neck jumper is so dressy, since it hides perfectly your jowls." My wife says, women can compliment each other hatefully in such a way that no man notices it.

We call that a backhanded or left-handed "compliment", which means it's no compliment at all. It's a shot at someone. It’s an insult that's poorly disguised as a compliment, often times, it shows the insecurities of the person delivering it. Compliments that try to make you feel bad about yourself are not compliments.

 

[dobielvr]

I'll usually throw out a compliment to someone in the grocery store as I'm walking by. "hey, cute top...or 'love your shoes'.
It kind of surprises them, and I just keep walking.

 

[Jules]

Sometimes I forget to say something nice often enough to my husband. If anyone else had just completed some little chore for the house, I’d have a positive comment. No reason he shouldn’t get a ‘that looks good’ too.

 

[Alligatorob]

We call that a backhanded or left-handed "compliment", which means it's no compliment at all. It's a shot at someone. It’s an insult that's poorly disguised as a compliment, often times, it shows the insecurities of the person delivering it. Compliments that try to make you feel bad about yourself are not compliments.

My grandfather, who was a bit rough around the edges and almost never complemented people once told one of my girlfriends that she had small feet for such a large person... Must be what you meant. And her feet and size were just fine with me.

 

[Wren]

My grandfather, who was a bit rough around the edges and almost never complemented people once told one of my girlfriends that she had small feet for such a large person... Must be what you meant. And her feet and size were just fine with me.

I think that is what’s known as a ‘Back handed compliment’ ...

 

[mrstime]

I find compliments easy, but even easier are thank you's!

 

[Chet]

When I had a bad tooth removed a while back, I was so happy to have it over that I told the dentist good job, and she seemed surprised to hear it.

 

[Beezer]

Which do you remember more?...A compliment, or an insult?

A poster from a forum I frequented years ago told me that I always posted with style. That made me feel really good. I've also been called rude names in the past which kind of stuck in my craw.

Perhaps we remember both equally?

 

[PeppermintPatty]

Perhaps we remember both equally?

You might remember them equally but it’s found that most people remember an insult longer and with more intensity than a compliment which is why it’s said that you need 100 times more “‘that a boys’ for ever insult given.’”

 

[hollydolly]

I got so used to insults from my parents.. that whenever anyone to this day compliments me, I think they're being sarcastic..

 

[Alligatorob]

Which do you remember more?...A compliment, or an insult?

Probably the complements, as right now I can't recall any insults. However I am sure I've received a few, or maybe many.

 

[Alligatorob]

I got so used to insults from my parents..

That's awful, no parent should ever insult a kid, especially their own. Not that insults are ever a good idea, but this is the worst.

Sorry it happened to you.

 

[hollydolly]

That's awful, no parent should ever insult a kid, especially their own. Not that insults are ever a good idea, but this is the worst.

Sorry it happened to you.

thank you Rob... conversely from the time my daughter was born, I never stopped complimenting her at every opportunity...because of that , she's full of self confidence.

OTOH.. because I was so used to the insults and Put Downs growing up... if anyone insults me now it rolls right off my back... . Once you've been insulted by your own parents, not another person can leave a scar on you...