Conversations with friend, etc. Who talks more?

V

Victor

Senior Member
Location
midwest USA
When you talk to your friends, who tends to dominate the
conversation, or talks more, you or them? Honestly, do you? And is it about yourself
or just things that come up? Trivia or stuff that matters?
Do you feel like telling your friend some things but you really don't care about listening to them go on because it is boring
or annoying? I discovered that my old friends have nothing much new, or we have little in common and they
are private, or they repeat themselves over and over. I will not be getting new friends
at my age, no, so it's the same old stuff. I think that when they are listening, it does NOT always mean
they are interested! Maybe it is politeness, being nice, patronizing.
 

I'm the good listener. I dislike phone conversations, so I wait for people to call me. The main caller does 90% of the talking, generally about her, her family, and the trials and tribulations they endure. If in person, she will pull up photos on her phone. I give 'appropriate' feedback, but not much. Once in a while, I will just say, "Wait. I have something I want to tell you before I forget." That's how I eek out perhaps 10%. But, it works for us.
 
My very sociable friend basically only wants me to say hello & goodbye. She fills in the rest of the hour. Sometimes my husband will laugh if he’s heard me trying to get a word in edgewise. It’s a good thing she has a great sense of humour so I’m amused.
 
I have a friend of about 25 yrs who lives in another city and when she calls she first asks... how are you.
I fill her in with whatever is going on in the present for about one minute max then she talks nonstop with everything that she has done.... like dinner at the senior centre and all that happened there, her hydro bill , what she bought at the charity shop, how much she was admired by a gentleman on the street car on the way back from her friend's house, all of her health problems, etc., etc., etc.
You get the drift.

I try to interject now and again to comment and make conversation like about the hydro bill but I am told "well let me finish" or suddenly dead silence and I say are you there and she says well you interrupted and so on and so on...no real catchup conversation.

So I am at the point now where I just don't want to pick up the phone anymore when I see her number .
I have other things bothering me which I would like to chat about but just don't get the chance and after almost an hour I am very happy to hang up. Been that way for years and I have less patience now but I know one of these days I am just going to blow my stack as they say.

Feels kinda good getting that off my chest(y)
 
It depends on whom I'm talking to, and it depends on what's been going on in our lives. Sometimes I dominate the conversation, and sometimes they do but on the whole, I try to give equal time to whomever I'm speaking with. We actually have a back and forth conversation where one person talks and the other listens. Those are the best conversations. We share both light and serious things. Then we commiserate. Sometimes we laugh and cry during the same conversation. Then there are times I'm willing to just listen to a friend who's having problems and needs to vent. Sometimes I do too, and I appreciate being able to do that.

Then there are the others. Yes, there are a few people who are basically disinterested and a couple who are always distracted when we speak. I keep it short if I sense they're not interested. The ones who are always distracted really aren't present in the “conversation” and I find it beyond annoying. If they are distracted doing other things and can't be present when we're speaking, I'd just rather not have a conversation. I mean what's the point of talking to someone who really isn't listening/paying attention to what you're saying?

One friend, in particular, is like this and because of it I've had enough and have called her a lot less. If I bring up something from a previous conversation, she has no recollection of it. No wonder she can't remember anything, because she doesn't pay attention to begin with. I've called her on it more than once, but she swears her silence is because she was “listening”. No, she can't respond because her attention is diverted because she's concentrating on something else. I gave up because I'm sick of it. Fuggedaboutit. I'd rather talk to myself. She calls me every once in a while and I wonder why she even bothers. I mean, what's the point? She really doesn't listen. So, these days when she calls, I'm off quickly. Gotta go! Take care, bye-bye. It's a lot less frustrating to cut it short.

Thanks for letting me get that out. (@Mizmo ;))

I get the not finding new friend's thing. It's difficult to cultivate new friendships at this age. That's why we put up with the nonsense from people we already know, even when their behavior disappoints or annoys us.

Bella ✌️
 
I too loathe the telephone and rarely make personal calls. When someone calls me, I feel compelled to make innocuous small talk and it irks me no end. Person to person is my preference in getting a conversation under way. I find it hard to believe that, as a teenager, I practically had a phone glued to my ear all the time. The irony of it all.
 
Gaer said:
@Lee: Love your new avatar! You're so pretty!
Click to expand...
Thank you Gaer, have been using that avatar for awhile, taken about a year ago, the pic shows my hair dark, go figure, hair is actually a silver grey now . Time for a new picture. And soon.

And may I return the compliment.....you are not only pretty, I see so much wisdom in your expressive features.
 
Mizmo said:
I have a friend of about 25 yrs who lives in another city and when she calls she first asks... how are you.
I fill her in with whatever is going on in the present for about one minute max then she talks nonstop with everything that she has done.... like dinner at the senior centre and all that happened there, her hydro bill , what she bought at the charity shop, how much she was admired by a gentleman on the street car on the way back from her friend's house, all of her health problems, etc., etc., etc.
You get the drift.

I try to interject now and again to comment and make conversation like about the hydro bill but I am told "well let me finish" or suddenly dead silence and I say are you there and she says well you interrupted and so on and so on...no real catchup conversation.

So I am at the point now where I just don't want to pick up the phone anymore when I see her number .
I have other things bothering me which I would like to chat about but just don't get the chance and after almost an hour I am very happy to hang up. Been that way for years and I have less patience now but I know one of these days I am just going to blow my stack as they say.

Feels kinda good getting that off my chest(y)
Click to expand...
Sounds like a male friend of ours...he could light one sentence on top of another and won't even stop talking when I try to interject a comment. Its like a compulsion with him and one other female friend.
What I do is work on some mindless house chores when talking to them, like watering plants, dusting, or doing dishes. Gets something done at least.
 
I have an old school chum who calls me several times a month. He is no more hard of hearing than I am but I think the connection between his ears and brain is broken. After the "hi how are you" conversation stage he immediately swings into his dialogue, mostly things I have heard many times before.

He simply gives me no chance to comment or respond. Several times during his rambling I have directly asked "do you ever listen" and he just keeps motoring on completely untroubled by my remark. I often put the phone down and go do something else while he continues our one-sided chat. When I come back some time later, it is obvious he hasn't even noticed.

I cut him slack because he really is unwell and lonely. Eventually he will say "I guess I better let you go" and I grab that opportunity to say goodbye. Until his next call.
 
Hey Victor, you and I sure got something in common. I do "stuff" while at home. Right now I'm on my way to Skagway, Alaska. I have much going on in my life. Others, that I know, sit at home. When I visit them they often tell me the same stories that they told me the last time I visited. I often feel that they are getting dementia.

Basically, I have much to say that is new. Others just keep repeating the same ole' stories. I wouldn't want their lives because maybe their lives are just boring. Maybe they wouldn't want my life either: gas costs to much, it's a long way from home, you could have an accident, where do you sleep or maybe those Americans will shoot you because they all carry guns! Just kidding on that last one. Maybe they think that but they never tell me that right to my face. LOL
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top