Dating Safely Online

fuzzybuddy said:
I'm 32. 6'2" ,180. I work out in the gym three times/week. Own 4 businesses, 28-acre sea side estate, with horse stables, 6 vehicles, private plane & runway.
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Sounds like me!

Except for most every detail anyway...

You can still send me your banking info, I will treat it every bit as carefully as the person posting the ad.
 

I met a best long-distance friend because we both belonged to a small artist site. After years of emailing and chatting and sharing, we finally met. It was wonderful. But, before we met - I did a quite thorough search to verify his identity.

Now, no way will I date a flesh and blood person I can see, let alone someone I met online. I'm determined to avoid drama and disappointment! (Or those awful questions that plague those of us who are insecure: "Did he like me?" "Why hasn't he called me at the time he said he would?" "Did I say something wrong?")

At my age, people have LONG histories. Those histories could have been expunged from criminal records or hidden by name changes - and many who could testify for or against the person's character may be dead. Way to scary for me!
 

I met my SO on an online dating site. I live in a small, rural town and there aren't any venues to meet people. I don't drink so bars aren't an option (plus I think there might only be one bar in my town) and there aren't any church or community socials that I've been able to find. He and I live about 25-30 miles apart so it's not terrible.

His profile was accurate with one exception. He listed his height at 6'3" and I happened to mention to him on the phone before we met that he was rather tall (and that it was a good thing). I told him that my Dad was the same height. Then he said something about having lost about an inch of height as he's gotten older and that he's now about 5'11". I said wait, that would mean that you're now 6'2" not 5'11". Anyhow, when I finally met him in person, he's probably 5'9" (I'm 5'6"). Now, you might shrug your shoulders and think so what? but unvarnished honesty matters. So it makes me wonder every now and then if there are other things that he's withholding.

We've been dating for about 15 months now. We don't live together, we usually see one another on the weekends and we talk a few minutes each day. While I think it has been going well (we have hit a few bumps in the road but managed to resolve them), I still don't feel as if I know him as well as I would like at this point. I don't know if that's a function of having met online or if it's just his personality compared to mine.
 
I actually know at least two happy couples who met online, but not on dating sites. Both couples met on Eons, which was a forum type site like this dedicated to seniors. They got to know each other well over time thru their exchanges not just with each other, but observing their interactions with third parties, noting the consistency of how they presented themselves and how they actually behaved towards others.
 
I had fun with online dating after I divorced, met some very nice ladies and quite a few yucks. Yes there are plenty of scammers but it's easy to sniff them out, at least I thought so. I only met a couple of wackos but they were certainly memorable.
 
I belong to an exercise type forum also ..........
Many both male and female post photos that look more like a dating profile shot then a fitness or see how i lost weight type photo..... shirtless for the guys .... lot of behind photos with type exercise outfits with ladies and pouts that looks like blowing a kiss selfie shots ......
and YET the ACT surprised or offended someone HIT on them.

there are evidently scammers there ......bit honestly i rarely accept random friend requests etc.... do not post photos and stay vague about location.
IF all the flags are there....lots of FREE basic searches about people if name is correct etc....

it is simple if you have a friendship and chat fine
IF or when they ask for money/ or information etc that you would not share with a stranger .....block them and move on....
 
Blessed said:
I would have my eyes poked out with a sharp stick, toothpicks shoved under my fingernails and have my hair set on fire than try online dating.
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Really? I met my last wife on a dating site and she was my soul mate. It isn't all bad, you have to use common sense but the trouble is that with technology and that darn smartphone, most people no longer have common sense. I think they have become "consumer zombies."
 
Leann said:
I met my SO on an online dating site. I live in a small, rural town and there aren't any venues to meet people. I don't drink so bars aren't an option (plus I think there might only be one bar in my town) and there aren't any church or community socials that I've been able to find. He and I live about 25-30 miles apart so it's not terrible.

His profile was accurate with one exception. He listed his height at 6'3" and I happened to mention to him on the phone before we met that he was rather tall (and that it was a good thing). I told him that my Dad was the same height. Then he said something about having lost about an inch of height as he's gotten older and that he's now about 5'11". I said wait, that would mean that you're now 6'2" not 5'11". Anyhow, when I finally met him in person, he's probably 5'9" (I'm 5'6"). Now, you might shrug your shoulders and think so what? but unvarnished honesty matters. So it makes me wonder every now and then if there are other things that he's withholding.

We've been dating for about 15 months now. We don't live together, we usually see one another on the weekends and we talk a few minutes each day. While I think it has been going well (we have hit a few bumps in the road but managed to resolve them), I still don't feel as if I know him as well as I would like at this point. I don't know if that's a function of having met online or if it's just his personality compared to mine.
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If height is the only thing he's lied about (and if you haven't already at least Googled his name, do it now, and at least what background check you can do free or affordably) my concern wouldn't be the lie as much as why he felt he needed to lie.

Part of the answer can lie in cultural norms that say men should be taller than their female partners. Not all short men are pathologically disturbed by it, some grow out of letting it bother them. They develope a healthy confidence in who they are and choose partners on personality not height. Both stand up comic Brad Williams and actor Peter Dinklage are married to average height women more than a foot taller than they are.

But there's two ways insecurity about height can effect a man that are unhealthy for him and problematic for his partner: Either he has a chip on his shoulder and over compensates by being extra macho (which can often result in unnecessary aggressiveness in most interactions with other people); or he lies about his height, dates only shorter or same height women, often asking them to only wear flat shoes no matter where they going. Both ways can cause mild to extreme discomfort for any potential partner.

In my mind height is irrelevant. I was 5' 4 3/4" inches at my tallest (down to 5'3" now) and dated more than one man same height or shorter and/or smaller framed than myself. And if i'd met a man of Peter Dinklage's physical stature with Dinklage's intelligence when i was still interested in 'romantic' relationships i'd have dated him in a heartbeat if asked.
 
You have to be careful about running those searches. I found a number of people with the same first and last name as mine all over the country. Also, on one search site it said I was 45, had a real estate license, was single, and had a net worth of $45K!
 
bowmore said:
You have to be careful about running those searches. I found a number of people with the same first and last name as mine all over the country. Also, on one search site it said I was 45, had a real estate license, was single, and had a net worth of $45K!
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True i've run into that same name issue trying to find old friends.
But unless the person is a full-on scam artist who is feeding you info they got online that actually belongs to someone else, and even then there areways to check it out: Location and occupation should match or it might be just a person by same name.

Never abandon common sense and reason, especially in matters of the heart whether online or in 3D world. And one good way to get some idea about honesty is to say you background checks if relationship developing. See how they react.
 

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