Did you ever want or needed to say sorry but did'nt ?

[whisteria]

After we'd got settled here in france we started to notice things around us such as who lived in what house,

I did mention the cottage in a place called judge, Well after the old couple who lived in it had gone the cottage stayed empty for a while,
One day i was driving down the track when i noticed this lady standing in the centre of the track holding a little yorkshire terrier she made no attempt to move and let me pass,
i gently pressed the "soft section of my horn" (ive a two section horn on my car 'ones a real loud blast' and the other a softer sound) but still she wouldnt let me by,

She gave a wave for me to drive around her "this is a narrow one vehicle track with drainage ditches on both sides even tractors have trouble trying to pass each other and its the norm for one to pull into any space you can to allow one vehicle to pass,

I got out of the car walked up to this lady "still in her night dress at 4pm" and said hello and the little dog was going mad, yorkies are one of two types (1) they want to kill you or (2) they want to lick you to death, this one wanted to lick me to death,
The lady didn't seem normal, she had that look,
she told me her husband was indian and dead and was a bad husband to her, she'd moved from paris to live here and she'd bought the house behind the huge fence
(the cottage i'd looked at once )

I pointed out the track was just about wide enough for one wide car to get through but to go over to the sides of this track was'nt a good idea.
She looked at me in a strange way and said her dog liked me so i could pass,

I told her we lived just down the track a mile or so and if ever she was near please call in for a coffee and then i returned to my car and drove on.
Over the months both myself and my wife always pulled over to say hello,
The locals said she was strange and as she came from paris they didnt like people from paris and so she was ignored,
We gave her our phone numer and said if ever she needed anything just call.

Months went by and we didnt see much of her but one day our phone rang and she needed help she sounded drunk but we went round within 15 mins but everything was locked up and no reply from our knocking or ringing the bell,
The local farmer told us she did the same to him and she was always drunk.
Two weeks later they found her body she'd died of an breathing attack, the local nurse had visited her for this complaint but it was a serious attack this time.
Ive always thought i should have tried harder to be her friend,
Sorry.

 

[Underock1]

After we'd got settled here in france we started to notice things around us such as who lived in what house,

I did mention the cottage in a place called judge, Well after the old couple who lived in it had gone the cottage stayed empty for a while,
One day i was driving down the track when i noticed this lady standing in the centre of the track holding a little yorkshire terrier she made no attempt to move and let me pass,
i gently pressed the "soft section of my horn" (ive a two section horn on my car 'ones a real loud blast' and the other a softer sound) but still she wouldnt let me by,

She gave a wave for me to drive around her "this is a narrow one vehicle track with drainage ditches on both sides even tractors have trouble trying to pass each other and its the norm for one to pull into any space you can to allow one vehicle to pass,

I got out of the car walked up to this lady "still in her night dress at 4pm" and said hello and the little dog was going mad, yorkies are one of two types (1) they want to kill you or (2) they want to lick you to death, this one wanted to lick me to death,
The lady didn't seem normal, she had that look,
she told me her husband was indian and dead and was a bad husband to her, she'd moved from paris to live here and she'd bought the house behind the huge fence
(the cottage i'd looked at once )

I pointed out the track was just about wide enough for one wide car to get through but to go over to the sides of this track was'nt a good idea.
She looked at me in a strange way and said her dog liked me so i could pass,

I told her we lived just down the track a mile or so and if ever she was near please call in for a coffee and then i returned to my car and drove on.
Over the months both myself and my wife always pulled over to say hello,
The locals said she was strange and as she came from paris they didnt like people from paris and so she was ignored,
We gave her our phone numer and said if ever she needed anything just call.

Months went by and we didnt see much of her but one day our phone rang and she needed help she sounded drunk but we went round within 15 mins but everything was locked up and no reply from our knocking or ringing the bell,
The local farmer told us she did the same to him and she was always drunk.
Two weeks later they found her body she'd died of an breathing attack, the local nurse had visited her for this complaint but it was a serious attack this time.
Ive always thought i should have tried harder to be her friend,
Sorry.

From what you post, I see nothing wrong in what you did. You seem to have done more than your neighbors. The fact that you did anything at all marks you out as better than most. If you are looking for someone to tell you not to feel guilty; based on what you say, I will support that.

No one goes through life without feeling sorry about something. Only we ourselves can grant ourselves forgiveness.

 

[whisteria]

HelloUnderock,
Thanks for your reply,
Once i got to know this lady a little bit better or should i say as much as she'd let me I found her only real friend was that little yorkshire terrier,
Life as we know it had given her a bad time and she was once some persons daughter,

We "my wife and i" have always liked the simple things in life, nature and all that it offer's and its "free"
but sometimes some people need to be understood a little and this lady was'nt and i still wish to this day i'd tried a little bit harder.

Who know's maybe i would have seen her laugh or at least smile, I didnt see these things and again just like seeing natures offerings like the woods i walk through everyday or the small river i see my dogs paddling in daily these are again free and something to be enjoyed something to want to get out of bed for,

She didnt seem to want to get out of bed, her day was the same every day "why?" because she just needed someone to try.

 

[Underock1]

HelloUnderock,
Thanks for your reply,
Once i got to know this lady a little bit better or should i say as much as she'd let me I found her only real friend was that little yorkshire terrier,
Life as we know it had given her a bad time and she was once some persons daughter,

We "my wife and i" have always liked the simple things in life, nature and all that it offer's and its "free"
but sometimes some people need to be understood a little and this lady was'nt and i still wish to this day i'd tried a little bit harder.

Who know's maybe i would have seen her laugh or at least smile, I didnt see these things and again just like seeing natures offerings like the woods i walk through everyday or the small river i see my dogs paddling in daily these are again free and something to be enjoyed something to want to get out of bed for,

She didnt seem to want to get out of bed, her day was the same every day "why?" because she just needed someone to try.

You have an over abundance of empathy, Whisteria. Not a bad thing. It is surely in short supply. Its a brain thing. I have it myself. We are all different. I think you are reading way too much into other people's thoughts. Not making this about me. I lost my younger son just a year ago, and my wife of 56 years back in March. There are times when I don't want to get out of bed. It has nothing to do with whether other people care or not. Life has wonderful things to offer. You seem to appreciate those. It can also be unspeakably cruel. We have to accept that. No one can save the world. You did good. Stop wringing your hands and enjoy your family. Life is passing you by as I type.

 

[whisteria]

Yep,
your not wrong and we all make mistakes and life is all about learning not to repeat those mistakes should they come around again,
I'll get on with life and when these four dogs have gone we'll give a few more a second chance and try again to make life better for those next rescued dogs,

your right we can't save the world and i also have had a loss "my brother drowned" he was 7 and i was 11 at the time im 66 now but ive never got over it and the pain is still in my heart ie did he cry out for me as his life was taken so early in life? after all i was the older brother !! the one who always led the way in his life.

And the lesson here!!!

Make the most of life "but learn as much as you can about the true meaning of being a good person"
As you say lifes clock is ticking away and as ive said in past blogs i walk around the garden every morning and look to see what appeared over night,
many a time i see flowers popping up ive not sown or planted (why /how have they got here ?? Maybe lifes the same, why did my brother go so early in life?
Why do i love the country living style of life ? I was born in a city and until i was 15 i'd never seen a live sheep,

Now i hate the crowded streets full of people, cars, fumes etc,
It just dont make any sense, just like why should i care about some old lady i didnt really know who was having a bad deal in her life ???

my answer !!!! because unlike the crowds of people who stood and watched my brother and two others drown on the sand banks as the tide came rushing in that hot summers day and did nothing but be entertained by what they saw,

Im not made that way "i'd much sooner try and help,
Maybe if this should ever happen again I'll say ive learnt from the last time this came my way and try a lot harder at least that old lady would have known somebody did care and i'd known i really gave it my very best shot.
I really hope your pain gets so you can live with it and i hope lifes cards deal you a surprise to help you deal with what your going through, just like those flowers i never sown or planted?
They came from some where and why little surprises like this happen my thoughts are not on the past at the time im looking at todays surprise.
Nice talking to you underock.

 

[Debby]

HelloUnderock,
Thanks for your reply,
Once i got to know this lady a little bit better or should i say as much as she'd let me I found her only real friend was that little yorkshire terrier,
Life as we know it had given her a bad time and she was once some persons daughter,

We "my wife and i" have always liked the simple things in life, nature and all that it offer's and its "free"
but sometimes some people need to be understood a little and this lady was'nt and i still wish to this day i'd tried a little bit harder.

Who know's maybe i would have seen her laugh or at least smile, I didnt see these things and again just like seeing natures offerings like the woods i walk through everyday or the small river i see my dogs paddling in daily these are again free and something to be enjoyed something to want to get out of bed for,

She didnt seem to want to get out of bed, her day was the same every day "why?" because she just needed someone to try.

You know, sometimes people don't want to be 'known' and a moment of contact is all they need. If she'd wanted more from you, she probably would have given you more obvious signals so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

 

[Underock1]

Whisteria, I am treading on delicate ground here. I only have your own words to go by. I am only suggesting this, because you seem to be misreading people badly, and causing yourself needless anger and grief. I wasn't there, but I have to be skeptical that those people on the beach were just sitting there being "entertained" at the sight of people drowning! Not everyone can swim, let alone be capable of rescuing people. That's why lifeguards are trained. If the tide truly was "rushing in" they were probably concerned about their own friends and family. Your brother's death was tragic. So was my son's. Bad things happen.
It does not have to be the fault of others or ourselves. Acceptance is the key. The loss of my wife is basically the loss of my life, but its something that comes to everyone at some point. No point in inflicting my grief on others. You seem to enjoy the good things in life. Enjoy those flowers for what they are, and stop trying to find a purpose behind it all. Just my opinion, and given with the best of intentions.

 

[whisteria]

Hi Underock,
And recieved the way you sent your very good intentions,
The point is i could'nt do anything to save my brother and the two cousins who died that day, But i could have done more to help this lady, this wasn't a rushing tide coming in and it was within my capabilities to do more and as ive said if i was in the same possition again!!!!!
I would'nt leave a person who was suffering the effects of drink or a health problem, or the victim of abuse to just suffer alone,
As ive said Im not made that way.

As you've said Underock, we all have to go one day and we dont expect to go before our children and it seems wrong that this should happen "but life's not always fare" and many people have asked "WHY Me"
I feel my greatest fear if im honest is if my wife should go before i do, In a perfect world we'd both go together in our sleep But i know and im sure you do it's not likely to happen that way and if i was the one left behind "well" i only hope ive the gutts you've got to carryon,
It's one reason we suround our selves with animals who need a second chance.

If anyone is thinking of living in any country as a couple i feel its something they should really think about before they take that big step and leave their friends and family and what im talking about is this (could you or would you want to live in your chosen new country should one of you be left alone ???)

Lots of people when this act of fate becomes a reality think "whats the point of going on"
Well both of us have talked this over and we couldnt leave our adopted family of animals hence we have a reason to carryon and i hope not turn to drink or anything like that.

We really do count our blessing just about every day if im honest, Im so glad i was born in the western part of the world, I dont suffer from starvation, or being groomed to follow any religion i dont choose to know,

I dont worry that if i'd have been born a woman in early teenage years i'd be forced to have my body cut to provide the needs of men, or hide my body under covers with only my eye's allowed to be seen, or not allowed to drive a car or learn to read etc etc etc.

Underock, I really do take pain and suffering as a serious matter no matter if its human or animal and if i can help i will and maybe one day if i was in the possition we're i was in need someone would help.