Did you grow up with parents who were never affectionate?

I’m really surprised at how many people here never received affection. Both my parents showed affection for each other and their children on a daily basis.

My grandparents on my mom side were very affectionate to all of us and we loved them very much. My grandparents on my dad’s side were not affectionate at all and the first time That grandmother ever touched me and kissed me I was 19 years old and moving away and it gave me the creeps. I actually froze and didn’t know what to do since she had never touched me before.

Needless to say we weren’t close to that set of grandparents even though they were invited over all the time for family meals and holidays. They were just both pretty cold people. I also don’t think they enjoyed children like my other grandparents did . My two sets of grandparents were polar opposites.
 

My parents did a lot for me over the years. However I was 16 before ever hearing the word love in the house. During a dispute my mother shouted to my older sister "Of course I love you!" It makes more sense now than it did then.
 

Pinky said:
Dad wasn't outwardly affectionate. However, on my 13th birthday, he took me to a store that sold radios, and let me choose a Sony transistor. Another birthday, he gave me a wrist-watch that was immediately stolen, and one birthday that he gave me a Sheaffer ballpoint pen which was also stolen.

Mom wasn't a hugger, but, she loved when we hugged her. In Japan, growing up, hugging was not part of their culture.
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Yes, same here, the Japanese thing, but my dad was born Japanese-American.
 
I guess my parents taught me the meaning of hard work.
I always found peace in my bedroom, and attic b'oy "Cave.
Growing up on a farm I consider a very lucky thing to have had.
The pressures, weather, livestock health and Crops.

There wasn't AC in the home or car / trucks. Cold was the winter place.

All that has mostly changed now. It was a lifetime ago. Most everyone
are gone now. I concern myself with the daily here and now stuff.
 
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My mother wasn't affectionate when I was a baby because she went through severe postpartum depression. So, I was raised by a nanny for the first couple of years. I still have separation anxiety to this day when I leave home to travel. Later, she became affectionate but she had very low self-esteem from being bullied by her siblings as a child. As a result she was critical of others as a means of projecting and never kept friends for very long. Because she couldn't love herself, it was difficult for her to love anyone else. A child of a parent with low self-esteem also tends to be that way as well, and I was.

My father wasn't overly affectionate, but I do remember that when we visited my grandmother and I couldn't sleep he would put his hand gently on my back and rock me to sleep. He was a product of his generation and was more of a "thinker" than a "feeler". He was a perfectionist who wouldn't even let me put gum wrappers in the ash trays in his cars. I became somewhat OCD as a result. To this day, if there is the least bit of dirt on one of my floor mats I vacuum it and if there is dust in my car I wipe it with a microfibre towel.

I always knew they both loved me so, I'm not sure it is the lack of affection that affects us as we grow up as much as the traits and struggles that we learn from our parents.
 
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seadoug said:
so, I'm not sure it is the lack of affection that affects us as we grow up as much as the traits and struggles that we learn from our parents
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I think it’s both. And some traits can be inherited, like autism.
I was lucky to have a kind, affectionate, supportive mother the first thirteen years. Father was ok as long as it had something to do with sports or “guy stuff”. He was short tempered and would punish us first and ask questions later. He had a traumatic brain injury from playing football as an high schooler (in a coma) and in retrospect, it probably affected his personality. He died of Alzheimer’s but I suspect CTE as dementia is almost unknown in his family. Plus the odd impulsive behavior that was so out of character compared to the rest of his relatives.
 
I don't remember my parents being affectionate with each other. My mother could have been, but I don't think my father had that capacity. I made a close friend, Jimmy, when I was 10, who had parents that were very affectionate, often sitting l close to each other and snuggling. It seemed very strange to me to see adults acting that way. They were good parents too, and very kind. I liked them, and they told my parents that they were happy that I was Jimmy's friend.
 

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